


Declarations of war

by Ischa



Series: War [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Explicit Sexual Content, Families of Choice, Gen, M/M, Rough Sex, Threesome, Unrequited Love, Vigilantism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:24:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 55,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dick stays in Gotham and everyone else is trying to deal with what happened to Jason.  </p><p>
  <i>“Because he’s bigger and broader,” Dick nods, blocking another hit. His stamina is incredible. “He can hold me down easily.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“You liked it when he did,” Barsad observes and pins him to the wall. </i>
  <br/>
  <i>Dick closes his eyes briefly, before he taps twice. Barsad lets up. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah I did.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Extra I: Bruce

**Author's Note:**

> Will make not much sense without at least War Games.  
> Thanks to Icalynn for the beta <3.  
> Work in progress. Warnings and pairings will be added when/if they become necessary.

**Extra**

Bruce looks inside the room to make sure Barsad isn’t there. He knows that Barsad would sleep at Jason’s bedside if he were allowed. But he has to go home like every other person.  
He takes a shallow breath and pushes the door open. The room is cast in darkness, but that has never been a problem for Bruce.  
Jason looks worse now than he had been when Bruce arrived at the crime-scene. The blood had concealed a lot of his injuries, but now he can see all the bruises, cuts, and nasty swellings.  
He never thought once that this could happen. He had never wanted this. He reaches out to grab Jason’s hand when he senses someone at the door. The person is too still to be the night nurse and she isn’t due for her rounds anyway yet.

“Out,” Barsad hisses.

Bruce nods. He should have known, but maybe a perverse part of him had wanted this confrontation.  
Bruce exits the room and follows a hallway that leads to a small balcony for smokers on that level and he steps out onto it. It’s empty and will give them the privacy they need.  
“How is he doing?” Bruce asks, as Barsad closes the door firmly.

“You know how he’s doing. I bet you read all the files,” Barsad replies. He is standing close to the door and Bruce is very aware that he only has the railing at his back and that they’re on the fifth floor. Maybe not high enough to kill him. Maybe.

“Barsad-”

“You sent me away, knowing I wouldn’t find anything. You sent John away,” Barsad cuts in sharply. He’s still trying to control his rage. “Your lover, the person who trusts you the most! You lied to us. You lied to him. You jeopardized everything just to be the one to catch the Joker,” he looks at Bruce then, long and hard. “Was it worth it?”

“No,” Bruce says.

“Because you lost so much, or because you weren’t able to catch him?”

“My plan was solid. I had it all under control! Jason went in without any backup!” He counters.  

“You went in without any backup!” Barsad takes a step back. Bruce is glad, he isn’t sure he could take Barsad right now. Not here, not with the rage that is flooding Barsad’s veins. And it’s righteous rage too. Bruce has to admit that, even if only to himself. “You didn’t tell anyone. And as a result Jason is in a coma and Tim is probably traumatized forever.”

Bruce winces inside. He hasn’t allowed himself to think about what Tim might be going through right now. He can hear Tim’s desperate voice in his nightmares. To be honest, he avoids Tim as well.  
“I will find him. I will bring him to justice,” Bruce says.

“It’s not only about justice anymore, Bruce,” Barsad hisses. He is a feral beast. A wounded feral beast.

Bruce has a sinking feeling about this. “We don’t _kill_!”

“You don’t kill! I am a whole other kind of vigilante. I killed before, Bruce. I am not ashamed of that fact. You, you would die for John, right?”

“Yes,” Bruce says without any hesitation.

“But would you kill for him?”

“No.”

“And what good do you think it will do for John, if the man who hurt him is alive and the one who he loves is dead? It wouldn’t do him any good, Bruce.”

Barsad is a really smart and ruthless opponent. He uses logic and truth as his weapons. Bruce feels angry at Barsad and at himself. Because Bruce can’t even deny the sound logic of that. It would destroy John, losing him and not being able to punish the person who hurt him, the guilt would probably destroy him too. Like it’s eating at Bruce.  
“Your silence speaks volumes.” Barsad sighs, his hands unclench. “I am really tempted to just push you over the railing, Bruce, but it would hurt John.”

Bruce nods. “Barsad-”

“Don’t come here again. I mean it. I don’t know if I wouldn’t be tempted to find out if I can take you. And in your state and mine,” he stresses the last word, “I just might win and I might regret that in the long run,” he finishes and opens the door to the balcony.

Bruce stays outside and just breathes. As John would say, he fucked up. He had fucked up badly. But he had really thought he was doing the right thing at the time. Catching the Joker, keeping everyone else away, in the dark and _safe_.  
He looks over Gotham and he realizes for the first time since he has come back, that maybe this isn’t his city anymore. It’s theirs.  
   
~+~  
“You went to see Jason,” John says as soon as Bruce opens the door.  
Bruce ignores him. It’s not a question anyway. John knows. Barsad probably told him.    
“Bruce,” John stresses.

“What?” He asks in the even tone he used to question subjects with.

John recoils, not bodily, but mentally, emotionally. Bruce can see it in the way his face shuts down. Bruce doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing here anyway. By being here he’s hurting John. He should leave. “I’m going to stay in a hotel,” he says.

“What?” John says disbelieving.

“You don’t feel comfortable with me here, Tim-”

“Tim is concerned and angry, Bruce. I am concerned and angry. You’re handling this very poorly,” he interrupts.

“How do you want me to handle this then? Should I team up with Barsad to find and kill the Joker? Because you know he will do it and you won’t stop him!”

“Don’t pin this on me!” John answers sharply. He doesn’t say that the only one really to blame for this mess is Bruce, but he doesn’t have to.

“If Jason hadn’t been so desperate to prove himself-”

“If you hadn’t lied to all of us, Bruce-” he stops. “We can play that game, but it won’t do us any good.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I know you’re trying to rationalize this. I know you don’t want to feel guilty about what happened to Jason, but I also know that you care for the boy. That you care for all of us and even the people you don’t know. It’s eating you alive, isn’t it?”

“I don’t have time for this John! The Joker is still on the loose, waiting, planning-”

“And he will continue doing that Bruce,” John cuts in.  

“You want Barsad to kill him then?” Bruce asks sharply.

“It would put an end to this.” John admits.

“John you can’t-”

“Don’t,” John says quietly and it’s that more than anything else that makes Bruce really look at him. He looks tired and he’s still the most handsome human being Bruce has ever seen. It must mean something that he feels that way. It must mean something that John is still trying. Even if Bruce is making it really hard for him right now. “Don’t make me choose between you.”

“I didn’t before.”

“It hadn’t been personal for you before. You weren’t in love with me before,” John replies.

And that is true, he had been fascinated by John, yes and in lust, but he hadn’t been in love with John, hadn’t loved John as he does now. To be honest Bruce is really surprised that they made it for so long and – “I will be damned, John, if the Joker will be the one to ruin this.”

“Us you mean?” John asks.

Bruce nods and waits for John to tell him that it has nothing to do with the Joker that all of this is on Bruce and Bruce alone. But John doesn’t. There is a pregnant pause in which John waits, in which Bruce waits and then he puts his keys down on the kitchen table. John’s shoulders loose that defensive touch. “I’m going to work.”

John sighs, half in relief Bruce thinks and half in despair. They haven’t shared the bed in quite some time, but Bruce just doesn’t feel up to it.

“Don’t work too long,” John says, just as Bruce says, “Don’t wait up.”

John smiles, and the urge to kiss him in that moment nearly brings Bruce to his knees. He reels it in.  
“Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Bruce.”


	2. Zero

**~Zero~**  
Barsad knows when he finds him he will kill the Joker. He can feel the urge in his bones. John would probably argue that he only wants revenge. Wayne too, for that matter, but it’s not only about revenge for Barsad. He doesn’t deny that part of it is revenge. A very big part even. He’s listened to the conversation Tim recorded on the day the Joker beat his son nearly to death. Barsad could hear the excitement in his voice, the pure joy.  
Barsad wants to kill the Joker so he doesn’t get the opportunity to do something like this ever again. It’s the right thing to do: the Joker never learns. He doesn’t repent. He doesn’t care. He just wants to see the world burn.  
And it burns so prettily for him.  
Someone has to stop this madness and it doesn’t seem like Wayne is up to the task. He is looking for the Joker, yes, but he wants to lock that madman up in Arkham again. Barsad won’t let that happen.  
Wayne must know that locking the Joker up at Arkham or any other place, really, doesn’t keep him from plotting and hurting people.  
Barsad isn’t too concerned right now with the how of the Arkham breakout. He only wants to know who had been involved. Someone from the staff for sure.   
He’s going to find it out and he will use any method he has at hand.  
He looks at Jason’s still form and makes a promise.  
The Joker won’t get out of this alive.

Barsad avoids the cave and the manor, because he can’t be around Wayne without feeling like beating him into a pulp. His blood is boiling with the anger he is feeling at the way Wayne left Jason there. Alone and dying.    
The guilt is eating at him, because he had trusted Wayne on this. He should have known better. He isn’t going to make that mistake again. Some people just can’t let things go. Wayne can’t let go of Batman, it had been stupid of him to try.  
Some things have to count more than the mission. Barsad always thought so. Even when he had been Bane’s right hand man, he had believed that there had been things that had been worth more than just the mission. He had believed in what they had done, yes, but he had believed more in Bane and Talia. A part of him had always hoped they would all make it out alive.  
He’s not going to make the same mistakes again.  
Hope is one thing, actions are another.  
He isn’t going to hope that Wayne will find the Joker and lock him up somewhere where he can’t hurt people anymore. Barsad will make sure he finds the Joker first and he will put a bullet in his head or three, just to make sure. He will wait until he can be reasonably sure the Joker is dead and then he will bury that madman in a shallow grave. He should be found. The world should know he’s dead.

He strokes his finger over Jason’s palm. He needs to buy Jason a new mp3 player. Maybe something a bit more expensive than the last.  
He needs to talk to John too, after all John had been the reason Barsad stuck around in the first place. He doesn’t want to risk a fall out with John over this. Over Wayne.  
But Barsad has no illusions. John loves Wayne. They will patch things up eventually. The most important thing is that he has John on his side when he’s going after the Joker.  
It will be enough when John doesn’t try to stop or talk him out of it. Barsad doesn’t need support, he needs for John to stay out of his hair. So he can do what should have been done a long time ago.  
   
~+~  
John is worried. He is worried about Bruce, who has shut himself off after he came home that faithful day. And he is worried about Barsad who is only spending time at the hospital and home, obsessively researching the Joker no doubt.  
And he is worried about what Crane might be planning, as he had to cut his own investigation short after he heard what had happened to Jason.  
Not to mention Tim.  
John knows how Tim feels about Jason, but even if he had not been in love with Jason, he and Jason are friends. And now Tim might lose him.  
Losing Jason is not really an option. John loves the kid, and he doesn’t know what Barsad would do if Jason should die. He doesn’t want to think about that either. He would probably lose it completely.  
Barsad is very skilled and as Shadow he is also very deadly. John is really worried about him and every single criminal that chooses to cross his path.  
Barsad is ruthless in his pursuit of the Joker. Even more than Bruce and Bruce is working on the case day and night too, even if they don’t talk anymore. After John came home from the hospital he really tried not to accuse, but it had been hard. Bruce had of course a real good defense strategy, but John isn’t buying it. He knows Bruce feels guilty and John thinks he should. He has been keeping secrets. He had sent Barsad and him away so they wouldn’t be in his way. He had underestimated Tim.  
But John is tired of the silence. The stony looks, the empty bed. He would prefer the shouting, but that hasn’t happened since the first night.  
Confrontation isn’t Bruce’s strong suite – at least not when he has to fight with John or anyone else who might care.

“If he was still Batman,” Alfred had said. “He would have taken his anger and guilt to the streets.”

“But he isn’t Batman anymore. Where does he take the anger and guilt now?” John had asked.

Alfred had looked at him sadly then. “He doesn’t take it anywhere. I’m afraid.”

John had nodded. Of course. Of course Bruce would keep it all inside until it had eaten him alive.  
Even John is still angry at Bruce, he wants to make this work. He wants them to be a team again, if not a family, like they have been. He wants them to be able to work on this together.  
But putting Bruce and Barsad in the same room won’t be a good idea. Barsad can barely control his anger when John brings up Bruce or the search for the Joker.

“Naked,” Barsad had hissed. “He left him there _naked_!” All the implications had not been lost on John. It must have been horrifying for Jason. All these men touching him. He only hopes Jason hadn’t been awake for that. Which is all kinds of fucked up too.

After the screaming match with Bruce and the stony silence the day after he tried to talk to Tim, but Tim is spending every single second he can spare at Jason’s bedside at the hospital. Alfred brings food and Barsad lets him stay. John thinks it’s good for Barsad to have someone like Tim there. And it’s good for Tim to have Dick there, even if no one is thrilled that there’s one more person that knows their secrets.  
The worst is possibly the way Tim looks at Bruce when they cross paths at the manor or in the cave. Like he lost his faith somehow. John doesn't think it’s because Tim doesn’t understand that Bruce does make mistakes and that he is only a human being too. It’s more about how poorly Bruce is handling the aftermath. John can relate to that.  
And then John isn’t sure that he wants Bruce to find the Joker first. He isn’t sure he wants to see the Joker locked up again. Maybe six feet under is where he belongs.  
And that is what Shadow will assure will happen.  
John is worried about that too.


	3. One

**~One~**  
Barsad shoves Bruce away and leaves the cave. He’s feeling murderous right now. He knows that laying blame on Bruce isn’t helping anyone, at least him or Jason, but he just can’t help it.  
He knows it hadn’t been Bruce who beat his son into a coma, but it had been Bruce whom he trusted with his son’s life. It had been Bruce who sent Barsad on a wild goose chase. And now it is Bruce who wants to tell him how to do his fucking job?  
Barsad doesn’t think so.

“Barsad,” Bruce says catching up to him in the hall, but he’s keeping his distance.

Barsad turns to him. “I trusted you with my son, Bruce. I trusted you to be professional and know your limits. I trusted you.”

“I know,” Bruce replies.

“You locked him up once, but that doesn’t give you any right to him. Not anymore. You left. You left and John and I stepped up to the plate. We filled the void. You came back and we let you, because we thought you were a valuable asset to fighting crime in Gotham. You,” he balls his hands into fists so he doesn’t hit Bruce. “You left my son alone bleeding, naked, and dying.”

“To protect-”

“He was alone. He was alone and probably aware he was going to die. He was alone and I was in Europe, because you sent me there!”

“I didn’t-”

“I don’t want your justifications Bruce. I want you to stay out of my way,” Barsad cuts in and leaves without waiting for Bruce’s reply.  
   
~+~  
It’s raining again and the night is pitch-black. Shadow feels the need to hunt deep in his bones. He knows that he Joker won’t show himself any time soon. He must be aware of what he has done, that Shadow will come for him. And Shadow is feared, like he should be, he thinks.  
He jumps from the fire escape he was perched on and down into the alley, directly into the path of a wannabe mugger or rapist or both. He has followed the man for three blocks, as he has stalked the young woman who is now walking a lot faster.  
He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t need to tell the scum, who think that they can do whatever in his city, anything. Sometimes silence is more of a threat than words. He breaks the man’s kneecap, it isn’t exactly necessary, but he thinks he has gone soft. Has let his guard down. Has been domesticated. And even if it isn’t a bad thing when he is Barsad, when he is cooking with John, or watching TV with his son, it is when he’s Shadow.  
Shadow shouldn’t show mercy like this. He has been trained better by the League. Time to go back to the vigilante he had been before Bruce. Maybe even before John.  
   
~+~  
Shadow breaks two arms, seven legs, and five fingers that night. He prevents muggings and rapes and installs fear in the hearts of the low lives polluting his city.  
He’s cleaning up closer to home again too. The good kids in his neighborhood shouldn’t be afraid to be outside. The bad ones should be aware that crime doesn’t pay. Not here, not now. Not anymore.  
When he comes home he strips and falls into bed. He doesn’t turn on the lights, he doesn’t cook dinner. There is really no point. He’ll eat tomorrow at the hospital.  
   
~+~  
Barsad isn’t sure he’s glad to find Dick at the hospital again. The boy surely should see more of Gotham than this.

“Dick,” he says.

“They didn’t let me inside, so I waited here. They’re bathing him,” Dick adds hastily.

This must be hard for Dick too. He, like Tim, is clearly in love with Jason. “It’s for his privacy,” Barsad replies, sitting down next to Dick.

“I know and I…I’m too early anyway, but I couldn’t sleep.” Dick says quietly. He’s fidgeting in his chair. The boy has way too much energy to spend. He isn’t meant to be here, to sit still and hold vigil.

“You should go out and let Tim show you the city.”

“I don’t feel like it would be fair, because Jason can’t,” Dick says, with a glance to the door.

“You can’t help Jason here, Dick-”

“I read up on comas, you know? People in a coma can hear and they listen. They might not be aware of it, but it ties them down to the real world. So they won’t be tempted to…move on,” he finishes quietly. “So I brought my favorite comics,” he points to the bag at his feet.

“Jason likes fantasy novels,” Barsad replies.

“Oh, okay…I didn’t know.”

“You had only one week, Dick.”

“But we stayed in touch. We e-mailed and he called sometimes and even picked up when I called on occasion,” Dick says. “It just never came up. Our reading habits. Except for that one time we went swimming…” he trails off.

“And you tried to kiss him,” Barsad states.

“Yeah…” Dick sighs. “Seems like a lifetime ago.”

The nurse opens the door and smiles at them. “You can go inside now.”

“Thank you,” Barsad replies.

Dick stands, grabbing the bag with the comics and then sits down again. “I’ll wait here…”

“Dick,” Barsad says. “I like comics too.”

“Oh, okay,” Dick smiles and follows him into the room.  
   
~+~  
Barsad is sure Dick wants to ask him a million questions as he gets in the car, but he doesn’t. He chats about the circus instead. Telling stories about when he was small and when he starts telling about Bruce training with them his whole being lights up even more.   
Barsad doesn’t have it in him to tell Dick to stop, because he doesn’t want to hear about Bruce being happy.

Dick looks at him and then stops. “Sorry,” he says.

“For what?” Barsad asks.

“For telling you about Bruce. I know you two are on shaky ground right now.”

Barsad really wonders how much Tim told Dick. Probably a lot. Most likely everything. It’s not like Dick can’t keep a secret and Tim really needs someone to talk to. Jason isn’t available right now.  
“We are,” Barsad replies. “But that shouldn’t make you feel like you can’t tell me things. Or have to keep your emotions in check.”

Dick is so different from Jason and Tim, who both keep their feelings mostly to themselves. Dick likes to show his feelings, likes to let people know what he thinks, and what he feels about them. Barsad really has no idea what knowing about their little vigilante club will do to him. Barsad can see it in Dick’s eyes: he wants to be a part of this. But Barsad doesn’t know if Dick really knows what that includes.  
“I’m bad at suppressing my emotions to be honest,” Dick says.

“That is not a bad thing,” Barsad replies. “It’s healthy.”

“Well, you live what you learned,” Dick says smiling.

“True.”

“So…” Dick begins drumming his fingers lightly against the dashboard. “I want to help.” 

“Of course you do,” Barsad replies.

“I know that I don’t have any vigilante training. I’m not even that good at computers. Not like Tim, who is super smart and awesome. But I can’t be sitting around and waiting either. I want to do something.”

“Dick-”

“Maybe just going on patrol would be enough?” Dick cuts in.

Barsad has noticed that the petty crimes are more now that they are all doing something else. Tim isn’t old enough to be on the streets. Bruce can’t and shouldn’t be out there. John is the only one who is patrolling, and he has a lot of shit on his shoulders too. And Barsad is only hunting down scum that can lead him to the Joker and everyone who is crossing his path in his neighborhood. Parts of Gotham are being neglected. And it will continue to happen. Barsad is aware that his head isn’t entirely in the game. Small fish aren’t his concern and Dick is practically jumping out of his skin.

“John wouldn’t like that,” he says.

“I’m not asking John,” Dick replies, firmly. “And I don’t need a written permission from my parents either. I’m going to be eighteen soon.”

Barsad remembers what Jason said about Dick’s body control. How perfect it is, how flexible Dick is, and that as a circus brat he can take care of himself.  
“I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you,” Dick says. “Can we get something to eat? I’m starving.”

Barsad looks at him, but he looks genuine enough. “Sure.”

Dick catches his eye. “I can pay for myself.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s on me.”  
   
~+~  
Barsad chooses the old place he had trained with John all those years ago. It’s still in good shape. And Dick is even better than he had hoped.  
He lacks all the aggressive energy that John and Jason have. His movements are fluid and look graceful. He is like water. It’s really a pleasure to teach Dick.

“How did you get on the vigilante bandwagon?” Dick asks, he isn’t even breathing heavy yet, but he starts to sweat slightly.

“I think it was a wrong place, wrong time kind of thing,” Barsad replies, blocking one of Dick’s attacks.

“I bet a lot of people wouldn’t think that. I bet Jason wouldn’t think that.”

Barsad kicks a bit too hard, but it doesn’t matter because Dick just dances away. His body is a miracle. “Jason said you were a walking vigilante wet dream,” he replies and this time the kick hits. 

Dick grins. “That was cheating.”

“Your opponents will try to engage you into talking and letting your guard down,” he says. “Don’t.”

“You are the silent one. I know. Tim told me. I guess silence can be harder to deal with than threats sometimes.”

“You’re the chatty type, Dick.”

“Was that criticism?” Dick asks.  

“No, but I think silence might work in your favor when out on patrol.”

“I bet Jason is the chatty type.”

“Yes, he is,” Barsad replies. He likes that Dick never speaks of Jason in the past tense. “But he can back it up.”

“Because he’s bigger and broader,” Dick nods, blocking another hit. His stamina is incredible. “He can hold me down easily.”

“You liked it when he did,” Barsad observes and pins him to the wall. 

Dick closes his eyes briefly, before he taps twice. Barsad lets up. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah I did.”

“It’s a weakness, Dick. You can’t let your opponents see that.”

“I know,” Dick says. “It’s just that…”

“You have only good memories for that kind of touch,” Barsad says.

“Yes,” Dick looks away and at the floor.

“Are you sure you want to do this? Because even with training you can get hurt, badly.”

“I want to help, at least until Jason is back in the game again.”

Barsad isn’t so sure he wants Jason back in the game again, but he also knows it won’t really be his decision. Barsad nods. “Enough for today. Go shower.”

“Can we go that Hungarian place again?” Dick asks, stripping his shirt off already.

“Yes,” Barsad replies. He isn’t sure if Dick really likes it, or if he wants to go because Barsad likes the food there. But he is very aware that he is eating like a real person on the days he’s training with Dick.  
It might be a coincidence.


	4. Two

**~Two~**  
“He’s training Richard,” Bruce says. His voice is low like he’s trying not to growl.

John nods. “I know.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not after what has happened with Jason.”

“You think Barsad’s training wasn’t good enough?” John questions. It would also imply that his training hasn’t been good enough.

“No, I think we should never have been that foolish.” Bruce runs a hand through his hair.

“It was an accident,” John says for what feels like the hundredths time. He is still angry at Bruce for lying to him, for lying to Barsad, and Jason. Tim. He is still angry, but he’s also mostly worried. The Joker is still out there. Still hiding, still planning. God only knows what Crane is doing. Barsad is out on the streets every night and he’s brutal. Even Gordon has approached him to ask about Shadow. Gordon has also asked about Red Hood. John is pretty sure Gordon will add one and one soon. If he hasn’t already.

Dick training with Shadow could be a good thing. It could keep Shadow in place. He seems healthier now too. Like he’s eating again. Tim says Barsad and Dick are eating out a lot lately. He needs to talk to Tim, so the boy doesn’t feel left out. Soon. There is just so much on his mind.  
“It was my fault. I had underestimated Tim. He is smarter than I thought.”

“Underestimating a fourteen year old boy wasn’t the problem, Bruce,” John says.

“I know. I lied and I sent Barsad away and I went after the Joker alone. Didn’t pick up the phone when Tim tried to warn me…”

Mistakes and more mistakes are piling up at his feet, John thinks. But he can’t watch Bruce destroy himself. Not again. It had been bad enough after the whole Dent debacle. “Bruce-”

“I left him there, naked, to protect our secret!” Bruce interrupts sharply. And that is what makes him feel like the worst person alive, John realizes. That is the core-guilt. He left Jason naked and bleeding and at the brink of death. Alone. “And I shouldn’t have. Gordon knows I was Batman. He kept that secret, John. He would have kept Jason’s too.”

“Yes,” John says. “But what about the other people? Cops? Paramedics? The vultures from the press?”

“It still wasn’t right to leave him alone.”

“No,” John replies. “It wasn’t.” He’s not going to sugarcoat it, he knows Bruce wouldn’t want it anyway.

“And now Barsad is training Richard and what if something like that happens to him? What will we tell his parents?”

“He’s only training the kid. It’s not like they’re hunting down the Joker on their own, Bruce. I think,” he says, “that training Richard is good for Barsad. He is eating like a real person, because Dick makes him go out and eat. He makes him talk about Jason too. And he is the only one Barsad can stand to have around him, except for Tim and we can’t burden Tim more than we already have.”

“I’m sorry this situation is straining your relationship with Barsad,” Bruce says.

John sighs. “We will be fine, once Jason is fine again.”

Bruce nods and John hugs him just because.  
   
~+~  
“I’m glad Dick is here,” Tim says grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“I’m glad he’s here too,” John admits.

“You weren’t too thrilled I told him,” Tim observes.

“I wasn’t, but only because it endangers him, Tim.”

“He is my only friend besides you guys and…”

“I get it,” John says, pulling Tim against his body, “you didn’t want to lie to him. You’re not big on lying, are you?”

Tim shakes his head. “No. I think lies hurt people more than that they help them.” The especially in our field of work goes unsaid. 

And he might be right about it too, John thinks. “Yeah.”

“Are you two going to be okay?” Tim asks, his free hand is playing with a corner of the cushion.

“Me and Bruce?” John asks, and as Tim nods says, “Yeah. It was nice seeing Bruce on the trapeze. He and Dick looked really good together. They looked happy.”

“You looked happy,” Tim says.

John nods. He had been in that moment and after too with Bruce thrumming with energy and pressing him against the door of the apartment as soon as they made it upstairs. “It was a good day.”

“Dick is magical like that,” Tim replies.

“Seems so…”

“I know that he’s training with Mr Barsad, John. I am worried, but I don’t think we can do anything at all to stop him and he isn’t Jason. He isn’t driven by whatever darkness he has inside him. I think,” Tim says softly, “There is no darkness at all inside Dick.”

Not yet, John thinks gloomily. But if he’s going to stick long enough with this job it will creep up on him.  
“He wants to help find the Joker. Isn’t that revenge?” John asks.

“No,” Tim shakes his head vehemently. “That is justice, John. He deserves to be locked up. He deserves that we throw away the key to his cell.”

“Because he’s never going to learn? Because he’s never going to repent?”

“Yes,” Tim says.

“So why not kill him then? To spare more innocent people the pain we’re feeling now.” John asks gently.

“Because it is not our place, John. I believe in what Bruce believes in. And were the Joker a sane person he would be rotting in hell by now for his crimes, but he’s been declared insane. If it’s an act or not, the judges and doctors are buying it. So the law says he’s insane and we don’t execute insane people. We lock them up for good.” Tim’s voice sounds firm and older than his fourteen years. “But I wish that he suffers for what he did to Jason. Because he enjoyed it. He had _fun_ while he was beating Jason with that crowbar, John. I could hear it. He was laughing.” Tim takes a deep breath and John drags him closer and rubs his arm.

“Yes,” John says in a whisper. “I want him to suffer too.”  
   
~+~  
“I know that Bruce doesn’t approve what I do with Dick,” Barsad says. His voice is quiet, but that may be because they’re in Jason’s hospital room again. Barsad, John knows, is here every day. He wants to be here when Jason wakes up. It’s been weeks already. Months, but at least he’s stable.

John nods, peeling an apple. “He doesn’t. He doesn’t think we should have allowed any of them in.”

“And maybe he’s right, John,” Barsad says with a glance at Jason’s face. The swelling and bruising have gone down already. He’s looking like the boy John used to know again.  

“We can’t really make their decisions for them,” John replies.

“I know.”

“How is Dick doing?” John questions. He is curious. After what he’s seen Dick can do on the rings and the trapeze, he envies him, his total body control. It’s not only that Dick has been trained for this from a young age, it’s also that he loves it and is a natural at it too. There is a fluidity to his movements, even if he’s only walking; it’s breathtaking.

“He is, according to Jason, a vigilante’s wet dream,” Barsad answers.

John laughs, he can’t help himself. “He certainly looks it.”

“He’s very attractive, yes,” Barsad admits.

John cuts his apple and hands a piece to Barsad, who takes it with a nod of thanks. “It’s hard not to like Dick,” John says.

“He is…happy,” Barsad replies.

“Yes and healthy not only in body, but also in mind. I think it’s good for Tim, for us, to have him here.”

“He reads to Jason. Comics and fantasy novels,” Barsad says, stroking a finger over the back of Jason’s hand.

“He cares for Jason.”

“Dick’s in love with him,” Barsad states and John thinks it sounds sad. But then not every love-story ends happy.

“Barsad-”

“And Jason doesn’t think that he deserves that kind of love,” he cuts in.

“He knows you love him.”

Barsad nods. “But I want more for him.”

Yes, John thinks, fondly, all parents want that.


	5. Three

**~three~**  
Barsad jumps from the rooftop and lands smoothly in the alley beneath. The man is twitchy and looking constantly over his shoulder. Barsad emerges from the shadows silently.

“Fuck,” the man says with feeling. “You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!” He clutches his chest for demonstration.

Barsad isn’t too worried, someone who can curse like a sailor isn’t going to die any time soon. “I’m listening,” he says and hopes that the implied ‘don’t you dare waste my time’ comes across loud and clear.

The man swallows. “I’m just a small fish…”

“I know,” Shadow says evenly. “But people like to talk to you.”

“Because I keep my goddamned mouth shut,” the man says.

“I want him and I will get him, the question is do you want to be collateral damage?” Shadow asks.

“So, you really the Hood’s dad?” The man asks.

Shadow gives him a look. The man swallows again, stepping away from him, raising his hands. Something inside Shadow stirs like a beast that has slept too long. He enjoys the fear on the man’s face.  
“I’m listening,” Shadow repeats.

The man starts talking.  
   
~+~  
“You seem a bit vicious today, Barsad,” Dick says. Barsad catches the slightest hesitation before his name is spoken, like Dick had wanted to call him something else. Maybe B, like Jason does. Maybe he had been thinking of putting a Mister in front of that, like Tim.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool. I figure the bad guys won’t care if I’m new to the game,” Dick says, shrugging. Even that looks graceful on him. It’s a miracle, that body.

“Bruce would tell you that it isn’t a game,” Barsad replies.

“What are you going to tell me?”

“That everything you enjoy doing is probably some sort of game.”

“I like this, but it’s not the real deal,” Dick replies as he back-flips out of Barsad’s range.

“We will need to get you fitted soon.”

Dick stops and then taps the wall twice. Barsad stops his attack at once. “Wait, fitted for what?”

“A suit. Protective clothing is important. You can’t just go out there in your sweats, Dick.”

“No, I know I can’t wear my sweats, but…”

“We should start training with a suit soon. It’s heavy, it will be different.”

“Oh…okay.”

Barsad takes a deep breath. “I think Jason’s should fit you.”

“I can’t…I-” Dick stops.

“It takes some time to make one, Dick and that is time you could be spending training in one. To get a feel for it. Of course, yours will be different. Playing to your strengths.”

“Agility,” Dick says.

Barsad nods. “Yes, so we will make it lighter. I don’t think you’ll want a cape?”

Dick looks dubious. “Like Batman?”

“It has its advantage.”

“But it will hinder me more than it would help me, I think,” Dick replies.

Barsad thinks that too. Dick clearly needs the room to be himself and a cape would certainly be a handicap in the long run. Even in his free time Dick prefers clothes that are snug, so they don’t catch on random things, like door handles or branches.  
“I’ll bring it next time.”

“Okay.”    
   
~+~  
“Is Dick going to be a real vigilante now?” Tim asks.

He has sneaked up on Barsad, that kid is really good. He could be the best of them once he grows up. He is a quit one. A natural stalker, a predator if he wanted to be.  
Barsad folds the suit over his arm. It will be a bit too big in the shoulders for Dick, but it should work.  
“He’s still in training.”

“I’m still in training, Mr Barsad. I have been in training for over two years now.”

“You’re impatient to get out there,” Barsad says.

“Yes and no. I like it here where everything is neat, but I can’t…I felt helpless when Jason was attacked. I couldn’t do anything from the cave. That must be how Bruce is feeling all the time,” he adds softly.

“Tim, Robin,” Barsad says and Tim straightens up. “Dick isn’t untrained-”

“Dick,” Tim cuts in, “Is an acrobat.” He stresses the last word.

“I fear that if I don’t show him how it’s done, he’ll go out there anyway. There is no way we can keep him from doing it and I think it’s better if he does it supervised and wearing protection. Don’t you?”

“That is why you’re going to give him Jason’s suit?”

“Only temporarily. It’s the only one that might fit.”

Tim calculates quickly and then nods. “Yes, it is.” He looks at the suit and then at Barsad again. “What about the helmet?”

“I don’t know if Dick wants to be Red Hood.”

“I think,” Tim says a bit hesitantly. “It would be good to show the world that Red Hood is still out there. That he has recovered.”

“Dick moves differently, Tim.”

“Yes, but how many criminals have really paid attention to Red Hood’s body language?” Tim asks.

The answer to that is probably not many. Jason has always taken them out fast. Tim’s idea is a good one. They need to show the underworld of Gotham that they aren’t that easily broken.  
“You’re a smart young man,” Barsad says.

“Thank you,” Tim replies, ducking his head a bit.  
   
~+~  
“You want me to take Jason’s place?” Dick asks, stripping off his clothes. He doesn’t really seem to care that Barsad is watching. Barsad guesses that there isn’t much privacy when you grow up in a circus. People and animals constantly crowding in each other’s space.

“Only temporarily.”

“So, my new suit will be like Jason’s but made to fit me?”

“Lighter than Jason’s yes, but the same design.” Barsad answers. “It was Tim's idea.”

“Of course it was.” Dick says. “I get it. You need to show that you aren’t easily…intimidated.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable wearing Jason’s suit, being Jason’s vigilante persona.”

“I’m not,” Dick says, putting the suit on. “I feel honored that you think I can pull it off.”

Barsad nods and they start their training routine. It’s easy to fight with Dick on your side. He naturally plays to his partners’ strengths and covers whatever weaknesses they might have on instinct. It’s a good thing when he has an experienced partner, but it would probably be a problem with someone who is new to this. Dick wants to protect. First others and then himself. Barsad isn’t sure, but this could be a problem in the long run. He should kill that in the bud. No need to put Dick in danger.  
   
~+~  
“It will be fine, Dick,” John says over the comm. He’s on his way to a bank robbery in progress.  
Shadow and Red Hood are meeting with Commissioner Gordon on the rooftop of the police-building.

“I’m not nervous,” Dick says. His voice sounds firm and cheerful, but his fingers drum restlessly against his leg. It doesn’t make a sound, so John can’t hear.

“Gordon is a good man,” John says.

Dick smiles wryly. “Means he will see right through me. I bet he knows exactly how big and heavy Red Hood is.”

“Most likely,” Barsad admits. Gordon is a good cop and details count when you want to stay a good cop.

“Why are we doing this then?” Dick asks.

“Gordon needs to know who is out there-”

“Who’s having his back,” Dick cuts in, nodding. “Yeah, makes sense. I would want to know what kind of lunatics with masks I team up with too, if I were him. “

“That is one way to see it,” John says. “Nightwing out.”

“Nightwing is a pretty cool name,” Dick observes.

“It fits John,” Barsad replies. “You’ll find your own.”

Dick nods.  
   
~+~  
“Shadow,” Gordon says and then with a drag of his cigarette. “Red Hood.”

Dick nods, once sharply. But even that looks fluid. The boy just can’t help it. Gordon takes another drag of his cigarette. Shadow waits for the questions, but they don’t come. “Good to see you on the streets again.”

“Thanks,” Dick says.

Gordon smiles. “Be more careful this time around, son.”

“I will, Sir,” Dick replies.

“White Slavery,” Gordon says. “Pretty nasty too.”

“Just the case for us,” Shadow says, as he takes the file.

“Any progress on the Joker?” Gordon asks, flipping his butt over the railing.

“We’re working on it,” Dick says.

“In fact,” Shadow answers, “It’s our priority case.”

Gordon nods again. Barsad can see grim satisfaction in that movement. 


	6. Four

**~four~**  
John is watching the footage of Shadow and Red Hood when Bruce enters the cave. Bruce steps behind the chair and waits, watches too.

“Some kid with a phone again?” Bruce asks.

“It’s the bane of every vigilante’s existence,” John sighs. Bruce’s hand lands heavy on John’s shoulder.

“Dick looks – good,” Bruce says.

“A slight hesitation, Bruce?”

“I didn’t expect him to be this good.”

“Barsad is a great teacher and he has been trained.”

“He has natural grace,” Bruce says.

“Yes,” John admits, “That too.” Watching Dick is like watching…well some kind of really weird, really specific, really beautiful erotic movie. John wouldn’t go as far as calling it porn, but it definitely does something for him.

“He moves very differently to Jason,” Bruce observes. The only time he had seen Dick really moving had been on the trapeze. They haven’t been allowed in the training room. Heck, John thinks, Barsad hasn’t even told them where he has been training with Dick. But then, John hasn’t asked. If he had, he is reasonably sure that Barsad would have told him.

“I don’t think it will be a problem. As Tim said, how many criminals were paying attention to that?”

“It only takes one, John,” Bruce says, gloomily.

“It’s only temporary,” John replies.

“Not for Dick. Look at him,” he says, leaning over the console and replaying the video. “He loves it.”

“He’s only temporarily Red Hood then. Only until Jason is better again.”

“John-”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve read the medical reports too and yours by the way and you’re still here. Bane broke your fucking backbone, Bruce. He will come out of this and he will be Red Hood again,” John cuts in. “If he wants to.”  
There will always be a place for Jason here. Jason is family.  
“Come upstairs with me?” He asks gentler.

“What-” Bruce starts as John turns to look at him. “Yes,” he says. It’s a good thing that John doesn’t have to explain why he’s feeling horny all of a sudden.  
   
~+~  
It’s better now, John thinks it has mostly to do with Dick. He makes it so easy to like him, even Bruce isn’t immune to his charms. John would be jealous if they had been other people, but they aren’t and he knows he has nothing to worry about.

“No broken bones,” Dick says, wriggling his toes.

“What?” John asks.

“I know that Shadow used to break a lot of bones after Jason’s…” he hesitates, letting his toes grace the surface of the inside pool. “After what happened to Jason.”

“Yes.”

“No broken bones in the last few nights.” Dick says smiling.

It’s true, John thinks, but he knows that Shadow is working on the Joker case without Dick. And these people, these criminals, don’t have that much luck. He isn’t sure he should tell Dick about it.  
“Dick,” he starts, because lying is a filthy habit and it doesn’t do them any good. John has to lie to so many people in his life, he doesn’t want to have to lie to those who matter.

“I'm not naïve,” Dick cuts in, “I know he is still looking for the Joker. Like a bloodhound. I know people get hurt, but not while I am there. That makes me feel good, because it means something.” He lets his whole foot glide into the water and then the rest of his body before John can even blink. Dick’s head breaks the surface just a few moments later. He looks gorgeous. His eyelashes are really long.  
Commercial worthy, John thinks, fondly.

“It means a lot,” John says smiling.  
   
~+~  
“I want to train in earnest now,” Tim says.

John looks at him hard. “Tim, we’ve talked about this when you first came to me.”

“I know. I am not saying I will get out there on my own. I still have to be home around elven on a school night, but I want to learn how to be like Jason and Dick.”

“You can’t be like Jason or Dick,” John says. “You have different strengths.”

“Teach me how to use them then,” Tim says.

It had been only a matter of time, really, John thinks, until Tim would come and demand this from him. And if he’s not going to do it, Barsad probably will. “You already train with Bruce.”

“Most of the stuff is theory. I need real combat practice. Not only what I have learned during your self-defense lessons John.”

“You’re small.”

“It could be an advantage,” Tim insists. “I don’t know how yet, except for the moment of surprise being on my side…”

“Tim.”

“John.”

“Let me think about it.”

“You said, your city, your rules, but it’s not only your city anymore. It’s Mr Barsad’s too and Jason’s and now Dick's…I like to think it’s mine too on the nights I’m allowed to stay up longer. I think I’ve earned this, John.”

“By monitoring?” John questions.

“By listening while Jason had been beaten nearly to death,” Tim says firmly.

And what can you say to that? Tim had been the only one back then who had done everything right and it hadn’t been enough. Of course he would want to learn more things. Just in case. “I can’t prepare you for everything this life will throw at you, Tim.”

“You can prepare me for a lot and we’ll just have to hope it’ll be enough and that I will know how to use it in times of need,” Tim replies.

“It’s really hard to argue with you,” John says.

“I came prepared,” Tim admits.

John laughs. Of course he came prepared. Tim is a thinker. John pulls him into a hug and Tim lets him. “I’ll do my best to help you being prepared, Tim. I promise.”

“Is that a yes to the real vigilante training?” Tim asks, it’s a bit muffled as he he’s speaking the words against John’s shoulder.

John hugs him a bit tighter. “Yes, Tim,” he says. “It’s a yes to the real vigilante training.”

“Thank you, John,” Tim whispers.

John would really like to say he’s welcome, or that it’s his pleasure, but he really isn’t sure about any of this. He’s going with his gut-feeling. And it will be better for Tim to be able to really defend himself. He’s part of them, no matter how much John has tried to shield him away. “Same rules as for Jason, Tim.”

“No suit or cowl until I’m sixteen?” Tim asks.

John lets him go. “Yes. And you won’t be allowed on the streets either until you turn sixteen.”  

“Okay.”

“Okay.”  
   
~+~  
“After everything that happened to Jason?” Bruce asks.

John had known of course that Bruce wouldn’t be thrilled about this, but still. “Because of everything that happened with Jason, Bruce,” he answers. “Tim had been the only one with a clear head. He had done everything right. He’s ready.”

“No one is every ready, John. You should know that,” Bruce counters.

“It’s a done thing, Bruce,” John says, running a hand through his hair. “I hoped you would help me with this. But I get it if you don’t want to.”

“John.”

“Bruce,” John says.

Bruce gives him a look. “I will help you with Tim’s training. I have been training with him for the last few years after all.”

“He needs weapon training.”

Bruce stiffens. “John.”

“Knives, shuriken, maybe a few sticks.”

“Sticks, John?” Bruce asks, with a small smile playing around his lips.

“They may have fancy names, Bruce, but they’re still sticks,” John replies.

“We’ll have to see what fits him. What comes naturally,” Bruce says.

John nods, it’s good to know that Bruce won’t fight him every step of this. Even if John is sure that Bruce has flashbacks of Jason’s bruised and broken body every time he lets any of them out of the cave so they can do their jobs. He crosses over to where Bruce is standing and kisses him gently.


	7. Five

**~five~**  
Barsad puts the keys on the table and looks around the apartment. He feels like he hasn’t been here in days. He probably hasn’t, between the hospital, training Dick, and hunting down the Joker there hasn’t been time to be here. He doesn’t want to be here either. This place is no home without Jason there.  
He showers and goes to bed.  
   
~+~  
Dick is waiting outside the hospital room again. Barsad can’t muster up the energy to not snap at him for being here. He needs some time alone with his son.

“I called Tim,” Barsad says, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down on Dick.

“Okay?” Dick asks.

“He will show you the city.”

“Barsad-”

“You need fresh air and sunshine.”

“It’s winter,” Dick objects.

“You need to know the layout, it’s different by night than by day, Dick,” he looks at Dick sternly. “It’s part of your training, if you don’t like it-”

“Fine,” Dick cuts in and gets up. “See you later?”

“Yes,” Barsad replies and enters Jason’s room.

Jason looks like he always does with the machines beeping away. He’s breathing on his own, but with the feeding tube he still appears like he’s one step away from dying.  
Barsad sits down and gets out the latest fantasy novel which is really more of a book for kids, but it has monsters and a young boy braving evil, so Barsad thinks Jason would probably like it even if he would grumble about how he isn’t ten anymore.  
To be honest, Barsad likes it too and that is why he got all four books in the series so far. If Jason should really not want to keep them upon waking up, he can always give them to the kids at the orphanage.

“With the rate we’re burning through these, I will have to look for something new soon, or I’m just going to have to read you your favorite again, hmm?” Barsad asks and doesn’t get a reply of course, but Dick was right, it helps talking to Jason. “I wonder what Dick is reading you. Probably the more sexy kind of fantasy novel, hmm? I should have a word with him about that,” he muses. “Okay, then, we left our young hero with the monsters and with no mentor to help him…” he says and then starts reading.  
   
~+~  
“Little Cass made you a get well soon card,” Barsad says, putting the card down on the nightstand. “I think she likes you. You were nice to her and she was confused when you didn’t come to visit in a long time. She doesn’t talk of course, but I think the card speaks volumes,” Barsad continues, brushing a strand of hair out of Jason’s face.  
“The kids miss you,” he takes a deep breath and then sits down. “Tim misses you too and I know he is here every evening after school, but I’m not sure it’s healthy for him, you know? That boy is growing up too fast,” he strokes Jason’s hand and then lets go of his son and gets another novel out. “Is he reading you text-books, I wonder?”  
Barsad smiles. “Because it seems like the thing he would do.” He gets the new Monster book out and starts reading.  
   
~+~  
“John is recommending the John Sinclair novels, but I am not sure. First they’re in German and second they’re kind of horrible, but in a funny way?” Barsad says.  
“I brought one anyway. We should work on your language skills. Can’t be lazy all the time,” he adds softly and starts reading. Barsad’s German is mediocre at best, but so is the book. Lots of vampires and witch covens. He closes the books a few hours later and stretches. “It was…bad, wasn’t it? Tomorrow I’m going to read you something with dragons,” he finishes and gets up. It’s time to get some food and then go on patrol. For a second he is tempted to place a soft kiss on Jason’s forehead, but he is sure Jason would give him shit for it, so he refrains.  
   
~+~  
Dick is holding Jason’s hand while Tim is reading, in fact a textbook, when Barsad visits two days later a bit earlier than usually.

Dick snatches his hand away as soon as he’s aware that Barsad is in the room. “Oh, hey…” he rubs his neck.  
Barsad really doesn’t know what to tell Dick. He knows Dick likes Jason, but he isn’t sure he should allow Dick to get so attached to his son. Jason has no control over his body now and he isn’t a very tactile person to begin with – if he isn’t beating people up, that is, but that hardly counts.

“You’re early, Mr Barsad,” Tim says, putting Jason’s textbook away.

“History?” Barsad asks with a nod in the book’s direction.

“I don’t think he should be too far behind on schoolwork when he wakes up,” Tim answers. “But Dick still reads him those Japanese comics-”

“A boy needs fun in his life,” Dick interrupts. He’s drumming his fingers against the railing of the bed gently. Boy can’t keep still. He has to move constantly.  
Tim rolls his eyes, but it looks fond. The boys are bonding, Barsad only wishes that they could bond over something happier than his son's still and bruised body.

“At least he picks the fantasy comics now,” Barsad replies, sitting down on the edge of the bed. There are only two chairs in the room.

“I do what I can,” Dick shrugs. He’s smiling now and it looks really good on him, Barsad thinks. Jason had been right: Dick is a good person.

“Boris will be here soon to pick us up,” Tim says. “We can go a few minutes earlier, get some fresh air and stuff.”

Dick looks reluctant, but he nods and gets up too. “See you tonight?” He asks Barsad.

“Yes, we should make an appearance down at the docks,” Barsad replies. He needs to keep the small fish on their toes after all.  
   
~+~  
Jason wakes up on a Wednesday morning. He blinks and scratches at the IV catheter. Barsad is there to see it. For a few seconds he doesn’t know what to do. He is so overwhelmed with the relief that floods his system. He wants to hug Jason, but he still looks frail against the pillows and he doesn’t say a word.

“Jason?” Barsad says and Jason turns to him, but still doesn’t say a word, doesn’t blink or smile or do much of anything at all and when Barsad only looks at him, he turns his head and stares at the wall.  
Barsad calls for the nurse at once. And while the doctors and nurses are checking on his son he calls John with the good news. At least he thinks it’s good news, even if he has a bad feeling deep down. Jason should have reacted differently. He was just so…not there.  
He keeps the uneasy feeling to himself. No need to worry the boys just yet. He knows very well how these things can go. Jason had severe head-trauma. The fact that he is awake is a minor miracle.  
Complications are to be expected.

“We’re coming over,” John says.

Barsad really hopes he means Tim and Dick by we. He doesn’t think he is in any danger of punching Bruce right now, but he doesn’t want to risk it either.    
“The doctors are still checking him out,” Barsad replies. “There is no need to hurry.”

“I’m picking Tim up from school right now, Barsad,” John says.

“Okay,” Barsad replies, he says his goodbyes and hangs up as the doctor approaches him.

“Mr Barsad,” she says. Her tone is cautious. It can’t possibly mean anything good. The uneasy feeling in his gut grows stronger.

“How is he?”

“His body is healing just fine, but he doesn’t seem to recognize anything. His mind is…” she searches for the right word for a few seconds and then settles on, “Not really there.” 

“What does that mean?” He makes himself ask, but he knows what it means. It means his son is far from being okay again.

“The damage to his brain was very severe, Mr Barsad. His body knows what to do, however his personality is for a lack of a better word, sleeping.”

“Will he be alright?” Barsad asks.

She shakes her head. “We don’t know. There is no way to tell with these things. The fact that he’s awake and moving is a minor miracle to be honest. We will run a few more tests, but there is nothing we can do except to wait for him to come back.”

Barsad nods and doesn’t punch the wall.  
His beautiful, chatty, lively son is a husk, a doll and the man who did this is still out there.

~+~  
The doctors keep Jason for another few days, but after a week they are pretty sure that Jason won’t come out of it any time soon. There is nothing anyone can do at the hospital, so Barsad makes a decision.

“I want to take him home as soon as possible,” Barsad says.

“Home?” John asks.

Barsad looks him in the eyes. “The manor. I already talked to Alfred, he is aware of Jason’s condition and ready to-” he stops.

“Barsad-”

“To take care of him when I can’t be there. I think it will be good for Jason to be with Tim and Dick.”

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t leave him at our place, John. That just isn't an option. It’s too dangerous in his state,” Barsad answers. He isn’t too thrilled about having Jason live in the manor with Bruce so close by, but it’s the only sane thing to do. He will be working out of the cave more often then. He can manage. It’s for Jason.

“Do you want one of the guestrooms for yourself then?” John asks.

Barsad looks over at the boys sitting at Jason’s bedside. Dick is silent and that alone is… He’s going to take Dick out for patrol tonight. The boy needs to punch something. “No, I’ll be fine,” he says.

“Barsad,” John touches his arm gently and then squeezes. Barsad knows John wants to hug him, but Barsad isn’t going to allow that. He has to be strong. He has to make his heart stone if he wants to find the Joker.

“I’ll be fine. My main concern is Jason and that he is taken care off.”

“He will be,” John says and it’s more like a vow really.

Barsad nods.  
   
~+~  
“He’s just not there,” Dick says, his fingers tapping restlessly against the dashboard. “He’s just not there,” he repeats and it sounds sharper, angry.

“He is awake,” Tim says. “With his head injury that is a freaking miracle.” He looks at his hands. “I thought he would die,” he adds in a whisper.

Barsad stares at the street. “He will be fine. You will help him remember. I’m sure he will-” he takes a breath to steady his voice again. “He will be fine again.”

“He needs to gain his muscles mass again. He has been lying around for months,” Tim points out.

Dick shoots him an unbelieving look. “Tim!”

“No, Tim is right. When he’s alright again, I am sure he will want to jump right back into the game.”

Dick looks out of the window and says nothing.

Barsad knows Dick doesn’t understand, but every one of them is fucked up. The only one who is functioning like a real human being is Dick. Barsad is afraid that once this is over he will be as messed up as they are. He should make Dick leave. He should send him back to his parents, but then Tim would probably break down in a way that Barsad doesn’t want to have on his conscience.  
So he says nothing. Besides he is sure that with Dick here Jason will come back to himself sooner. Barsad needs Dick here, because Jason needs Dick here.  
Barsad knows that it’s selfish to trade Dick’s life, happiness and future for someone else’s, but that someone else is his son. And there is nothing Barsad wouldn’t trade for Jason’s happiness.  
   
~+~  
“I can move in permanently,” Dick says as they settle Jason into the new room two days later.  
Tim is quite. Barsad is torn. Tim is better with Dick around, but Jason needs Dick more.

“The room next to this one is empty in fact,” Alfred throws in.

“The one opposite too,” Tim says.

“You can’t live here Tim. Your parents-”

“Wouldn’t even know what I look like if Mrs Filch didn’t send them pictures, Dick. Here is where I am needed,” Tim interrupts harshly. “Besides you will go back to Haly’s in the spring and someone familiar should be here then.”

Dick swallows whatever he wanted to say.  
Barsad thinks he tends to forget sometimes that this isn’t his life. That he has to go back. “I am sure we can arrange something with Mrs. Filch, Tim, but you’ll still have to go back every day.”

“I know,” Tim says. But he doesn’t sound particularly happy about it.   

“Should I move your things from the old room then to one closer to Jason’s?” Alfred asks.

“No, it’s fine Alfred. I will only be sleeping here over the weekends. Don’t trouble yourself. And I am sure Dick doesn’t mind sharing his bed when push comes to shove.”

“Not at all,” Dick replies smoothly.

Tim nods.  
Barsad nearly smiles. Tim is a very smart young man. He’s glad to have Tim here.  
   
~+~  
“He needs you to be around, Master Barsad,” Alfred says as he pours Barsad coffee.

“I will be here as often as I can be. But I need to find him-”

“The Joker?” Alfred interrupts.

“Yes.”

“And what will you do once you find him?” Alfred asks, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“I will kill him,” Barsad answers.

“Master Barsad-”

“I know it’s not what Batman would’ve done, but I am not Batman, Alfred. I am not even Nightwing. I am Shadow and locking him up didn’t do any good. If Batman had dealt with it differently my son wouldn’t be- in the state he is in now.”

“I understand your anger, Master Barsad,” Alfred says.

“But you still don’t approve of killing him.”

“It will be an execution,” Alfred states.

“Yes,” Barsad replies. “It will be just that.”

“And then you will be on the wrong side of the law,” Alfred says.

“I am already on the wrong side of the law, Alfred. I killed before I met Jason. But when I killed to protect Jason it felt like the right thing.”

Alfred nods. “I understand.”

Yes, Barsad thinks, Alfred would.  
   
~+~  
Shadow only applies the minimum pressure to make the man scream in pain. “I will not ask again,” he says evenly.

The man is panting harshly and there are tears at the corner of his eyes. Usually, before, he would have stopped at this point, but tonight he doesn't and in the future he is pretty sure he won't either.

“I don't know anything,” the man replies and Shadow breaks his finger. He screams, but in this part of town that isn't an unfamiliar sound. “Shit, shit...” the man pants.

“My patience is running thin these days,” Shadow says. “I won't let any of you do what you do in peace, no matter how harmless, until I know where the Joker is hiding out.” He finishes by breaking two more fingers. And then he leaves. 

This could be a waste of time, but in the long run, Shadow thinks it will pay off. He is scaring the scum on the streets shitless. He isn't showing any mercy at all. Maybe muggers and rapist: all crimes are punished the same way. He isn't going to let them breathe until he knows where the Joker is hiding out. Someone will talk, even if it's only so they don't have to live in fear of broken bones.  
The word on the street is spreading fast. Soon, Shadow thinks.  
He looks over his city and waits for the first rays of sunlight to show before he gets on the bike and drives back to the manor. He wants to have breakfast with his son.  
He's going to make pancakes for Jason he decides.


	8. Interlude I: Dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of two (so far) Interludes. To get a full picture of what is happening to everyone, I think they are needed, they're basically a 'parallel' story to this one. I hope this format works for you guys.

**Interlude I: Dick**  
Dick had been so thrilled to hear that Jason had woken up, but upon seeing him the happiness had faded into something more somber…well, not disappointment, but something else.  
Jason isn’t really there. He will look at you when you say his name and he will eat when you put food in front of him, he will even shower alone, but he doesn’t speak and there is no indication that he understands that someone cares about him.  
Dick has read up on comas and on head-traumas and shit like that, because he wants to help Jason. A tiny part of him is really selfish about this too. He wants the Jason back that doesn’t take any bullshit from him, that would punch him in the face and laugh while doing it. He wants to see Jason flying from the rooftops and hissing at criminals. He wants… a lot of fucking things.

“Master Dick,” Alfred says.

Dick looks up from the laptop. He is making a playlist for Tim, because the boy needs something to cheer him up and Dick needs something to do, besides staring at Jason as Jason stares out of the window. He is tracking a bird with his eyes. Dick thinks it’s a good sign. But Tim says it’s his training. That’s why his head snaps in someone’s direction when something moves in the corner of his eye. Jason needs to be aware of the people in the room. Dick always places himself so that Jason can easily see him and he talks to Jason too, or hums with the music he’s playing.  
Music, he reads, is good for such cases too.

“Hey, Alfred,” Dick says.  
Jason’s head snaps in their direction and then back to the bird. He looks nearly bored. Dick can hardly stand looking at him at times. Tim is dealing with it far better. 

“Dinner is ready,” Alfred says.

Dick chances a glance at the clock. Yeah, Tim should be here by now. “Is Tim in the kitchen?” Dick asks, getting up.

“Yes, he is. Would you prefer to eat here?” Alfred asks.

Dick shakes his head. Jason’s silence unnerves him more today than usually. “No, I’ll join you in the kitchen.”  
   
~+~  
After dinner they go to the gym because Dick needs to move and while he’s at it he can show Tim a few things too. And besides after diner is the time when Barsad comes over and sits with Jason, reading or eating or…Dick doesn’t know. He doesn’t ask either.  
He warms up and lets Tim look at him. He likes it when people look at him. Dick likes to show off his skills and if he’s honest, his body too.

“I made you a playlist,” he says swinging on the rings gently and then a bit faster.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think you need to listen to stuff that is from this century,” Dick teases.

“I enjoy the classics,” Tim says with small smile. Tim smiles far too rarely these days.

“You look like a boy, but sound like an old man,” Dick replies.

“It’s a gift,” Tim says, shrugging. “Gonna show me a few of your moves now?”

“Didn’t know you were that kind of boy,” Dick teases.

Tim tries to suppress the blush, but doesn’t succeed. “Dick,” Tim mumbles.

“That’s my name don’t wear it out,” he says and does a triple somersault just for the heck of it. The landing isn’t as smooth as he would have liked, but he touches down alright.  

“Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick-” Tim says and Dick jumps, tackles him to the ground and pins him down. He grins in victory until Tim looks him in the eyes and grins right back. A few seconds later Dick’s the one lying flat on the mat. Tim’s fingers are curled loosely around Dick’s wrist. And he’s sitting on Dick’s chest.  

“Didn’t know you could do that,” Dick says, but he can hear the hitch in his own voice. Being pinned down does it for him. He likes it.

“I could break your wrist Dick before you could even finish saying my name,” Tim replies, leaning in a bit and increasing the pressure on Dick’s wrist.

Dick bites his lip because he is tempted to say Tim’s name. Just for the hell of it. Just to try it out. “So, you’re a smart, dangerous kid, hmm?”

“I’m not a kid,” Tim snarls, squeezing Dick’s wrist a bit harder.  
Dick closes his eyes and swallows. Tim lets go like he’s been burned and gets up. “I’m going to read to Jason,” he says.

“Be there in a few,” Dick replies. He needs to shower. Cold. A cold shower is exactly what he needs now.

Tim nods.  
   
~+~   
“I’ve always wanted to play that game,” Dick says two days later, sitting down on the armrest of the chair Tim is curled up in. Jason is sleeping, but that doesn’t hinder Tim or Dick, for that matter, to not lurk around the manor.

“What game?” Tim asks.

Dick nods to the chessboard on one of the small tables. “That one. I’ve never played, but I bet you’re good at it.”

Tim puts his book aside and looks at Dick. “Want me to teach you how to play chess?”

“Isn’t that the game around here?”

“Uhm…there are a million other things to do here and you know it.”

“Do you play pool?” Dick asks.

“No,” Tim answers.

“Tell you what. You show me how to play chess and I’ll show you how to win at pool.”

“Cheat you mean. Hustle,” Tim says.

“Call it what you want. It’s a good skill to have,” Dick shrugs.

“Okay, fine.” Tim says.

Dick gets the board and puts in on the floor. Tim grabs two cushions from the sofa. “Black or white?” Dick asks.

“White,” Tim says. “You want me to tell you the rules or-?”

“Learning by doing. Just the bare basics,” Dick answers, settling down in a lotus-position.

“Okay,” Tim says. “This is your Queen-”

“I know what the pieces are called, Tim. Jesus, give me some credit,” Dick interrupts.

“Jason makes the names up,” Tim says softly.

“Oh…”

“But he’s a mean player. Mr Barsad taught him.” Tim looks at the Queen and then puts her down again.

“What does he call her?”

Tim grins. “Nightwing,” he replies. 

Dick laughs.  
   
~+~  
“Got Tim to do a somersault today,” Dick starts, putting a mug of Alfred’s hot chocolate in front of Jason. He waits a bit until the chocolate is cool enough to drink and then presses the mug into Jason’s hands, “Should have seen him.”  
Jason drinks his hot chocolate unhurried. He takes small sips like with everything he does. Dick can’t make himself let go of Jason’s hands.  
“I bet he will be great out there once they let him out of the cave,” he continues. He strokes Jason’s fingers gently with his own and wonders if Jason would give him shit for that if he hadn’t been…if he had been himself. Probably.  
“I like messing with you, you know?” Dick whispers and lets go of Jason’s hands. “But without you telling me to go to hell it’s only half the fun.”  
He sighs and leans his head against the cool glass of the window. “All you do is stare at the birds all day. Like some brain-dead-” he stops, bites his lip, balls his hands to fists. “I didn’t mean it,” he whispers. But does it matter, he wonders, if Jason doesn’t care?

“They’re Robins, Master Dick,” Alfred says gently and Dick startles, his head snapping in Alfred’s direction.

“Shit, Alfred-”

“Language, Master Dick,” Alfred chides.

“Sorry,” he says on autopilot. “Robins, hmmm? Do you think it means something that they’re Robins or is it just because they’re moving?”

“I can’t say, but I’d like to think, it means something that Master Jason is watching Robins play instead of watching the TV.”

“Yeah,” Dick says.  
   
~+~  
“It had been Jason who came up with the name,” Tim says, playing with a captured Knight. He has the black pieces today.

“Why Robin?”

“He never really explained. He said it was a cute bird,” Tim says, looking over to Jason who is still only watching the birds play on the balcony. Not caring about them being in his room at all.

“He thinks you’re cute?” Dick asks.

“You don’t?” Tim replies, batting his lashes. He looks kinda ridiculous, but it also makes his face look softer. Not younger, just more approachable. Dick’s finger itch suddenly to reach out and cup his cheek.

“Like a girl,” he says instead with a big grin.

Tim throws the Knight at him. Hard. He dodges and the Knight goes flying in the window’s direction. “Shit!” Tim says getting up, but to their surprise Jason catches the Knight before it can hit the glass.

Tim stops and stares, and Dick does the same. Jason is holding the Knight in his hand, his fingers curled around it and then he goes back to staring at the birds.  
Dick watches as Tim crouches down next to him and opens his palm, not touching Jason. And what is up with that anyway? Why doesn’t Tim touch Jason? Tim whispers something and then the Knight falls into Tim’s palm. Tim stares at it for a few moments before he gets up again and joins Dick on the floor.

“I think…” Tim curls his fingers around the Knight and lets the sentence stay unfinished. Hope is such a fragile thing after all.   
   
~+~  
The first time it happens it’s an accident. Dick had been reading to Jason way too long and still Jason hadn’t fallen asleep, so he had curled up on the bed at one point and before he had known it Dick had fallen asleep.  
He had woken up with Jason curled into his side and Dick had taken it as a good sign.  
So this time he just crawls under the covers with Jason and falls asleep between one sentence and the next.  
Dick knows part of it is because he is touch-starved. He has never gone so long without leaning into someone, cuddling with some, tackling, being tackled – sex. But since he has come to live with Tim he feels strangely shy and now with him being with Jason all the time, except when he’s on patrol with Shadow or training with Shadow…and Shadow is training him out of reacting to certain things. Dick has the feeling he’s becoming numb and that scares him.  
And Jason…well, he doesn’t mind, Dick thinks. Not like anyone else in this house.

It’s still messed up and selfish, but it’s not like he’s molesting Jason. Spooning and holding someone close doesn’t have to be in any way sexual. Dick would never do that. He is big on consent. Besides he has read that touch helps patients like Jason and Jason is obviously reacting to stimuli. He reacts to noise and he likes watching birds and he caught that Knight effortlessly. It means something. Dick believes it with all his heart. He just has to shake that part of Jason loose somehow and then…Dick doesn’t know. All he knows is that sometimes the manor can get really damn lonely and that Jason is the only one who doesn’t have a wall built around him right now.  
So Dick takes his comfort where he can and he is sure that Jason can use to be touched too.  
He snuggles closer and falls asleep in seconds.  
   
~+~  
“Dick!” Tim yells and pushes him so hard he falls out of the bed. He blinks up at Tim, his mind still groggy, his ass hurts and his elbow too where he knocked it into the nightstand.

“What?” He asks.

Jason doesn’t make a sound, but he’s sitting upright and staring at Tim.

“What were you doing in Jason’s bed?” Tim asks, his hands are balled to fists at his sides. He looks murderous and -

“Are you jealous?” Dick wants to know.

“What were you doing in Jason’s bed?” Tim repeats and his voice is like steel. Dick has the feeling he should really have a very good reason to be here. And that if he doesn’t Tim will kick his ass to Sunday and back.

“Sleeping,” Dick answers, sitting up, but he stays on the floor. He doesn’t think it would be a good idea to make any hasty moves. 

“In Jason’s bed. Curled around Jason and pressing into his back, Dick,” Tim says.

“I didn’t do anything to him!” Dick replies.

“You’re in love with him-”

“You’re in love with him, so don’t you dare throw that in my face!”

“I am not the one in his bed, barely dressed, Dick,” Tim says evenly.

And okay, Tim has a point there, but-“Touch helps, I read that touch can help to bring him back, because it centers and reminds them of all the good memories-”

“You know nothing about Jason, so why do you assume he would welcome your touch?” Tim asks.

“I-”

“Didn’t you wonder,” Tim cuts in, “Why everyone except for Mr Barsad, and even he, are so careful not to touch him?”

“I assumed you are all emotionally crippled to be honest, Tim,” Dick says and he knows it’s mean, but Tim is painting him like some kind of villain. And Dick is not. It’s the normal thing for him to show his affection and it’s good for coma patients or whatever Jason is right now to know that they are loved and cared for.

Tim takes a step back. “Don’t sneak into his bed again, Dick. I mean it.”

“Or what?”

“Or I will break your arm,” Tim hisses.

And in that moment Dick knows that Tim would. “What is your problem?” He asks, getting up now, because he’s done playing nice. He can loom when he wants to. He can make Tim look up at him.

“What is yours? Jason has clearly boundaries. You should know that; he turned away when you tried to kiss him!”

Wow, Dick thinks. But he really shouldn’t be surprised that Tim knows. He had probably seen the whole thing. The boy is like a cat. Stalking like a predator: silent and deadly. And only now Dick gets it: Tim is so far from a boy, a child, it’s not even funny. Or maybe Jason told him, or Mr Barsad, as it seems to be public cave knowledge that Jason shot him down.  
“I tried to help. I did what none of you seems to be able to do and what comes naturally to me,” Dick says.

“But you don’t know him, Dick. What if he doesn’t like to be touched?” Tim asks and he sounds a bit calmer now.

“Tim-”

“Just don’t do it again. I will hurt you,” he interrupts.

Dick nods. There is really nothing he could say now to make this situation better. He looks at Jason then who has been staring at them in that unnerving way and then at Tim again. Tim looks tiny and fierce and protective and like he hurts. “How are your boundaries?” He asks.

“Right now? Frail,” Tim admits and Dick grabs him and hugs him tightly against his chest.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” Tim mumbles. “But you need-”

“I get it. You’re looking out for him,” Dick interrupts.

“Yes,” Tim sighs against Dick’s chest. It makes something in Dick’s stomach clench and he lets go of Tim.

“Going to my room now.”

“Good night Dick,” Tim says.

“Night Tim,” Dick replies and closes the door gently on his way out.  
  


	9. Interlude II: Tim

**Interlude II: Tim**  


Tim is spending every second he can at the manor. He trains with John or sometimes with Bruce – and he's getting better, so much better - or plays chess with Dick and when he’s left alone with Jason he types away at his laptop. He might not be crazy enough to track down the Joker and he doesn’t have to either, because Bruce and Mr Barsad are working on that, but he can help John with the Crane case.  
As John is clearly trying to keep them together, to smooth things out again, so they can be the family they used to be, so they can patch things up at least.  
John has priorities and before the mission, they will always come first, the people he loves and cares about. Tim likes that about John. But it also means that John’s case is on the backburner.  
It is a possibility that Doctor Crane just couldn’t stand Arkham anymore and left, but this is Gotham and Tim has no illusions about Doctor Crane’s needs. He might be insane, but it’s a particular form of insanity and to be honest Tim wants to see the man locked up again just for John’s sake.  
John has suffered so much by this man’s hands. Tim can relate, he doesn’t know what he would do if Johnny should ever be free again.  
John had tracked Crane down to Starling City and that is where Tim is starting his investigation too. There were a few cases that fit Crane’s modus operandi, but they were all grownups. Crane prefers children if he can help it.  
Tim frowns. Maybe they should reach out to that Hood guy…but not yet. Things are still too shaky for that.  
And Bruce isn’t really a team-player. Tim closes his laptop and rubs his eyes. He looks to Jason then who has been staring at him for some time now. Moments like this, Tim thinks, Jason is there, watching and waiting for something. His fingers itch to reach out and grab his hand or hug him, something. Anything. He smiles instead.  
Jason doesn’t smile back.   
  
~+~  
January is cold and snowy. Dick is training a lot with Mr Barsad and he’s even allowed to go on patrol once a week or so. Nothing dangerous, because he’s still not good enough. Tim is better and he knows it. He can pin Dick down and – he really shouldn’t go there, because the way Dick’s breath hitches when Tim pins him down to the mat sparks a desire deep in Tim’s guts.  
It’s Dick’s kink. It doesn’t mean that he sees Tim in that way.

Tim sighs. “A lesser person would use that to their advantage, hmm?” he asks Jason.

Jason doesn’t answer of course, but his fingers twitch a bit. Tim has hope. Jason can defend himself, it comes naturally, his reflexes are on high alert, which means Tim overreacted by kicking Dick out of Jason’s bed. Jason doesn’t see Dick as a threat or he would have done something about it.  
He had been so angry with Dick, because Dick shouldn’t take liberties like that, but Dick is that kind of person. He likes to mess with people in a playful way, and he likes to touch. He needs it. He’s probably touch starved with them being…well them. No wonder he had crawled into bed with Jason.  
Still not right, Tim thinks. Just because Jason doesn’t see him as a threat, it doesn’t mean he consents to be touched. Maybe things that aren’t a threat don’t register as strongly. Who can say what is going on in that head?  
He may have overreacted, but Tim still thinks he had done the right thing. He maybe should have done it earlier.  
  
~+~  
“You know,” Dick says. “All of you need way more hugs.” Dick throws a piece of candy and catches it in his mouth, by only leaning slightly forward.

“And you are just the man for that job, hmm?” Tim asks. He puts the book aside he has been reading to Jason and looks at Dick’s profile.

“I am full of love that needs to be shared.” Dick jokes.

Tim turns to him. “It’s hard for you, being here, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean? I want to be here,” Dick replies.

“Yes, but you miss your family and your friends from the circus,” Tim hesitates for a moment, but then says it anyway, “You miss being close to someone, don’t you?”

Dick laughs. “I could hook up with someone any time, Tim.”

“I know, but you don’t. Instead you crawl into bed with Jason-”

“I’m sorry about that okay? I know that he can’t consent, but I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my behavior…I mean, I didn’t molest him for god’s sake!” Dick says sharply.

“I know. I know it was probably an act of desperation, because we’re all emotionally crippled here,” Tim replies evenly.

“Listen, I’m sorry I said that.”

“I’m sorry, I said I would break your arm,” Tim says.

“You could break my arm,” Dick replies.

“Yeah, I could, but I know how much being an acrobat means to you and how you hate to have to sit still. So I wouldn’t,” Tim says.

“When you said that, staring me down, I realized something, Tim,” Dick says gently.

“What?”

“That you aren’t a kid at all,” Dick answers.

Tim scoots away a bit, because he really wants to kiss Dick now. “Hey, none of that now,” Dick says, grabbing Tim’s ankle, yanking and moving forward in one smooth movement so he has Tim pressed into the couch cushions. Tim could still kick him off, but he doesn’t. He looks up at Dick instead. “That’s not mine kink,” Tim says softly.

“I’m not surprised you noticed my reaction to being pinned down,” Dick replies.

Tim shrugs. “I’m sure Mr Barsad showed you how to not react to it when you’re wearing the mask.”

“He did, but I am not allowed to engage with armed thugs anyway. Not much at least.”

“We don’t want anything happening to you. Your parents-”

“I know,” Dick says, sitting up. His legs are pinning Tim down and Tim stares resolutely at Dick’s face and not at his thighs or the sliver of skin where his tight shirt has ridden up.

“Don’t you want to go back? You do miss your family.” 

“I want to be here when he wakes up. I want him to know that I care,” Dick says.

“He knows you care, Dick. We all know you do.” 

“Why doesn’t he come back?” Dick says.

“I don’t know,” Tim replies, closing his eyes. “I don’t know.”

He can feel Dick leaning down and covering his body, hugging him tight and Tim lets him. “Hug back,” Dick says, it’s more of a plea really, so Tim does.  
  
~+~  
It always arouses Tim to feel Dick so close. That is why he doesn’t really let Dick snuggle up to him or drape himself all over Tim when they’re watching a movie late on the couch. Or why he always kicks Dick out of his bed when Dick is starting to fall asleep.  
Dick’s heavy weight and his hot breath against Tim’s skin have the same effect they always have, but with Dick so close, his whole body pressing against Tim’s, it’s a million times worse.  
So Tim breathes and concentrates on his breathing-

“Are you doing freaking ninja breathing exercises right now?” Dick mumbles against his neck. Dick’s lips brush his skin and he clenches his hands to fists on his sides.

“Yes,” Tim replies.

“This is meant to be enjoyed, Tim, not rationalized away or whatever you’re doing here.”

The problem is that Tim is enjoying it too much. “I’m fourteen Dick,” Tim states.

“What does that have-oh,” Dick says, but he doesn’t get up. “And you like me.”

“Yes. I do,” Tim says.

“I like you too.”

“I know, but you like Jason more,” Tim states. “And even if we are two stranded people. Should we be clutching at each other?”

“Tim,” Dick says. And then again, “Tim,” and kisses his neck. It’s a soft, barely there kiss, but Tim inhales sharply anyway.  
He’s torn. He has never been kissed before and it’s nice to feel Dick’s lips against his skin, but he’s not sure it’s right.

“Dick-” Tim says as one of Dick’s hand’s creeps over his side down to his groin.

“Do you want me to get you off? Because I want to get off with you right now,” Dick interrupts.

That question isn’t really fair, Tim thinks, with Dick’s fingers so close to his cock. He takes a breath and grabs Dick’s wrist. “Want me to pin you down?” He asks.

Dick’s breath hitches a bit as Tim tightens his grip a fraction. “Yeah.”

Tim rolls them over so that he’s the one on top and pins Dick’s wrist to the couch, he closes his eyes and arches his back, finding that perfect way to rub against Dick’s cock. He’s not going to get naked with Dick, but…this is good. “Tim,” Dick says. “Look at me.”

Tim shakes his head and squeezes Dick’s wrists harder, moving his hips faster until Dick catches the rhythm and they’re in perfect sync for a few glorious moments.   
  
~+~  
Dick kisses his cheek, it’s a strangely innocent gesture. “Thank you.”

Tim doesn’t know how to answer him and then he settles on, “You’re welcome.”

Dick laughs and then slings his arms around Tim. The mess in his pants is getting uncomfortable, he squirms. “We should shower.”

“Hmm…together?” Dick asks playfully.

Tim actually thinks about it for a second, but he doesn’t think he’s ready for Dick to see him naked… This here with Dick, that was the first time he had gotten off with someone else in the room and touching him. He is a bit overwhelmed. “Pervert,” Tim says.

“Hey, you were the one holding me down,” Dick protests.

“Hmm…you were the one seducing a fourteen year old, Dick,” Tim counters playfully.

“I’m not sure who was seducing who here, to be honest,” Dick says.

“We’re two stranded people clutching at each other…” Tim replies.

“It sounds really depressing put that way,” Dick sighs.

Tim sits up and Dick lets him. “Go shower. Alfred will call for dinner soon.”

“We’re okay, right?” Dick asks.

“Yes,” Tim says, because really, what else could they be?


	10. Six

**~six~**

Tim has that lost look on his face when John catches him at the computer down in the cave. Dick and Barsad are on patrol and Tim is monitoring again, but it’s a quite night for Gotham.

“Thinking deep thoughts?” John asks, grabbing the chair and sitting down next to Tim. He’s been meaning to have a nice long talk with Tim for a while now, but somehow life got in the way. This is probably the best opportunity he’s going to get.

“Don’t I always?” Tim replies.

“And you’re deflecting. I see that Bruce has taught you well,” John jokes. But it is a bit worrying.

“John,” Tim says biting his lip.

“Yes? You can talk to me about anything that’s on your mind. I know it must be hard for you seeing Jason like this and-”

“Dick was sleeping in Jason’s bed and he’s been taking liberties with him. Just holding his hand and stuff when we were in the hospital and I didn’t think it was that bad – at first, but since Jason was brought here, Dick has been with him all the time and…” he trails off.

“Did you hurt him?”

“I pushed him out of Jason’s bed and he landed on his ass pretty hard and knocked into the nightstand. He has a bruise to show for it, but nothing serious. I may have overreacted, but I think it’s a slow slide and – I’m not saying he would have crossed a line, just…” He looks at John and John looks back.

“You did the right thing. Dick not knowing about Jason’s past doesn’t give him a free pass. I don’t think he had any sinister intentions, but he shouldn’t have taken any liberties.”

“He’s gotten really attached to Jason. It’s not healthy,” Tim says quietly.

“Do you want to send him back to his parents?” John asks gently.

“I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t have allowed him to stay. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. It was selfish. I needed someone and none of you were readily available.”

“I’m sorry we failed you Tim. I’m really, really sorry,” John replies and he is really sorry, but it doesn’t undo the damage that has already been afflicted on Tim. The only thing they can do is be better this time around.

“Did you tell Barsad about it?” John asks.

“Are you kidding? I don’t think he could deal with it now… Should I tell Mr Barsad? He swore he’s not going to do it anymore and,” he looks down at his hands. “I installed a camera in Jason’s bedroom to make sure of it. I know it’s horrible, but: Dick’s in love with him and he is a very tactile person. He might slip.”

What a clusterfuck, John thinks. And he hadn’t even know about it. “You need to stop trying to handle everything on your own, Tim. We failed you once, but we’re going to do better. I am here for you. Bruce is here for you – well, in a Bruce way,” John says and Tim smiles. “Barsad is here for you. I think you should tell him.”

“Okay,” Tim says. “Thanks John.”

“Any time,” John replies and hugs him. Tim hugs back. John can feel his fingers clenching hard.  
“Is there something else?” He questions.

“No,” Tim answers.

John doesn’t believe him. “Tim, I am not only here for your vigilante problems. I am here for you no matter what.”

“This is private and off the record, okay?” Tim whispers.

“Okay,” John answers.

“I slept with Dick,” Tim says.

John has no idea what to say. Tim is fourteen, going on fifteen, and older than his years for sure, but it still had to be a big deal for him. And Dick…well. “It was your first time,” John states and feels Tim nod against his shoulder.  

“It wasn’t how I imagined it.”

It hardly ever is, John thinks. “Did you like it?” John asks.

“I…yes. Yes, I did. I like Dick. I really do, but I also like Jason and what if Dick only slept with me because he’s lonely? Because he needed someone?”

“He didn’t-” John stops and reconsiders. “What did you do? If you’re comfortable with telling me.”

Tim has his head still buried in John’s neck, so John can’t see his face as he answers.

“We just got off and didn’t take off our clothes. I held him down. He likes that,” Tim says and softer, “We didn’t even kiss.”

“Oh, Tim,” John says.

“It’s not…I didn’t tell him anything. He can’t know and I am good in…pretending? I don’t like lying, but I don’t like to be vulnerable either. And I know Dick could hurt me. Not with intent, but because he’s careless.”

“You really should talk to Dick, Tim,” John says.

“I know. I just can’t right now,” Tim replies.  
John hugs him a bit tighter.

“Shadow to Robin,” Barsad says and Tim pushes away and schools his voice.

“Robin here, listening. What do you need?”

“We could use a pair of extra hands, I know Nightwing is not on duty, but-”

John grabs the comm. “Nightwing here. Suiting up. Meet you at the R point in fifteen.”

“Okay. Shadow out.”

“Seems like duty calls,” Tim says with a smile.

“Keep me posted on the mess they got themselves into,” John replies as he’s heading for his suit. 

“And tell Bruce where I went. He might worry.”

“Sure,” Tim says, and then when John is all suited up and ready to go. “Happy hunting.”  
   
~+~  
The cave had seemed empty when he had come back. Tim had gone home and Barsad and Dick had gone up to the manor.

John takes off the suit and steps into the shower. He’s high on adrenalin and victory and the sheer joy that comes when he’s fighting with Shadow on his side. He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against the tiles, spreading his legs a bit. “Are you going to watch or-?” he asks without turning around.  

“I like the view,” Bruce answers in that tone that makes John shiver every time.

“I sure hope you do.”

“How was patrol?” Bruce asks, stepping into the shower. John can hear him strip. Pieces of clothing falling to the floor.

“Weren’t you monitoring after Tim went home?” John asks and smiles. “It was a good night.”

“You looked good. You looked happy,” Bruce says, running his hands over John’s sides. John leans into it just a little. He feels good and he’s horny as hell. He isn’t sure he wants to pin Bruce down and have his way with him or if he wants Bruce to do…whatever, really.

“It was a good patrol,” he repeats. Bruce’s hand slides to his ass and then over one cheek, running it down the inside of his thigh and then up, brushing his balls. “Bruce,” John breathes.  

“Hmmm…” Bruce hums against his shoulder, kissing it, licking it, and biting gently. John moans, bracing himself against the wall. “What do you want?” He asks, playing gently with one of John’s nipples, while his other hand caresses his inner thigh, gently grazing his balls and hole now and then.

“Anything,” John says, because it’s hot to let Bruce manhandle him, to let him take charge.

Bruce nips his neck at the base of his skull. “Let’s be specific, John.”

“Your fingers, I want your fingers inside me,” John says.

“How many?” Bruce asks. That bastard, John thinks fondly.

“One for starters.”

“One is such a tease, John,” Bruce comments.

“Yes, it is,” John replies.

Bruce smiles against his back and then reaches for the shower-gel.  
The first finger always slips in easily enough and John arches into it, spreading his legs a bit more for better access. Bruce’s other hand is wandering over the plains of John’s stomach, his hips, his nails grazing a nipple on its way down and up again. John is hard and he can feel Bruce’s cock against the small of his back – equally hard.

“Another?” Bruce asks, pinching John’s nipple not too gently.

John gasps. “Yes, another.” Two are a bit of a stretch and they haven’t done this in weeks. He still feels tight and Bruce is being more careful than he usually would be. “Bruce…” John says and then bites his lip as Bruce thrusts in a bit harder and faster.

“Yes?”

“When we’re up to three I want you to suck me off,” John says.

“Keep yourself braced against the wall, John,” Bruce replies, pulling his fingers out and slipping in front of John, sliding to his knees.

John looks down. Bruce is so fucking big and broad. And rock hard for John. John knows it arouses Bruce to please him…Bruce could probably come by only pleasing John and he has.  
Bruce leans in and John cups his cheek with one trembling hand. “No,” John says, “Not yet. I want you to finger me first and you should start with one again, Bruce.”  
Bruce makes a frustrated noise, but nods anyway. John braces himself on the tiles and looks down at him. Bruce puts more gel on his fingers and pushes one in. Setting a fast pace. 

“Slow, Bruce. I want it slow.”  
Another frustrated noise escapes Bruce, but he slows down. John lets his eyes slide shut and only concentrates on the finger inside him – sliding in and out, slowly, over and over again. Bruce’s other hand is running down John’s leg aimlessly.  
“You can add another,” John says, sensing Bruce’s impatience. Bruce does and keeps the slow pace too. “That’s it,” John whispers. Bruce’s hand on his leg tightens a fraction. “A few minutes more and you can add the third, hard.”

“John…” Bruce says, leaning his head against John’s hip. His breath hitting John’s cock makes him shudder.

“Add the third,” John says and it sounds a bit like a command.  
Bruce does, hard like John had wanted it, John groans with the feeling of being stretched. Bruce sits back, waiting for John to allow him to finally suck his cock. John’s stomach tightens with a wave of arousal. Bruce licks his lips, his hair is plastered to his forehead and his lashes look really dark.  
“A bit faster,” John gets out, “And you can stop ignoring my prostate.”

John bites his lip as Bruce hits the spot hard. He can feel himself getting even harder. “John,” Bruce says.

“You can suck me off now, but don’t stop fucking me,” John replies.  
Bruce goes right to it, because John didn’t tell him to take it slow or kiss the tip first. He swallows John’s cock down and fucks him hard until John comes with a soft groan down Bruce’s throat.  
“Oh, fuck,” John says, sliding down to join Bruce on the floor.  
Bruce kisses him hard before he can take another breath. John breaks the kiss first. “I’m going to make you come for me now, Bruce.”

“How?” Bruce pants as John grabs his cock none too gently.

“However, I want,” John answers softly against Bruce’s ear. He scoots forward and traps Bruce’s cock between their bodies. Playing with the tip of it gently and running his thumb in circles over the slick surface. 

Bruce moans and thrusts forward. “John,” he says, burying his head in John’s neck.

“Come on Bruce,” John whispers, letting go of Bruce’s cock and shoving his fingers into Bruce's mouth, they won’t taste much of anything, except water, but it’s not about the taste right now. “Thrust against my stomach. I know you can come like that. I love feeling your hard length against my skin,” John says. “You should hurry, before it becomes uncomfortable, but you’ve been hard for some time now Bruce…I don’t think it will be a problem, do you?”  
Bruce groans around his fingers, John lets them slide out just a bit and then shoves them in again. His other hand pinches a nipple and he’s rewarded with another groan and a hard thrust against his stomach as Bruce comes.  
John slips his fingers out gently. “Needed to get it out of your system, hmm?” John asks.

Bruce kisses him messily. “Yes.”

John hugs him, letting the water run down their skin and clean the worst of it, before he helps Bruce to get up. This position must have been hell on his knee.  

“Come to bed with me?” John asks.

“Yes.”  
   
~+~  
Now that things with Bruce are going better, John feels like he can breathe a lot easier. It had been really shaky there for a while and Bruce obsessing about the Joker hadn’t helped things in the slightest. Bruce is still on the case as is Barsad, but John fells that at least Bruce is taking a step back now and reconsidering his approach and the decisions he’s made. Not that Bruce would talk about it. Not with words at least.

John enters the kitchen and makes some coffee. Dick will be up soon. Bruce is down in the cave and Barsad is probably with Jason. Tim is at school.  
It’s the perfect time to have a little talk with Dick about boundaries and Tim.

Dick still looks a bit sleepy when he enters the kitchen. He blinks at John. “Morning.”

“Morning, Dick. Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Dick answers.

“Take a seat,” John says as he pours them coffee. “We need to talk.”

“You know every time someone says that to you, you know you’re fucked,” Dick says and sits down.

John smiles. “You aren’t in trouble.”

“Tim told you, didn’t he?” Dick asks.

“He did,” John answers.

“I know I took liberties that I shouldn’t have, but I only wanted to help, and Barsad seemed okay with it-”

“I am sure he would have kicked your ass for crawling into bed with his son, Dick,” John interrupts mildly.

“Okay, I admit, that was selfish,” Dick says, setting the mug down and running a hand through his hair. “I like touching people and being close. And you bunch have built walls around you that are so hard to touch.”

“I know it must be hard for you here, Dick. You can go home any day,” John replies sitting down at the kitchen table.

“I can’t go home yet. Not until Jason wakes up and can kick my ass for crawling into bed with him,” Dick jokes.

“We don’t know when that will happen, Dick. And the new season starts in spring. You keep yourself in shape, but you have no one to train with-”

“Bruce could help with that,” Dick cuts in. “Or even Tim. He’s getting really good on the rings.”

John takes a sip of coffee. “About Tim,” he begins.

“He told you we fooled around too…and now you’re wondering what the hell I am doing here, seducing your vigilante in training?”

“Tim can make his own decisions, Dick, but yes, I was wondering what you were thinking. It’s not only that he is fourteen, it’s also that you’re in love with Jason.”

“Or just an idea I have of Jason. A picture I made up, or he painted for me. Because honestly? I have no idea who he really is,” Dick answers.

“And Tim?”

Dick takes a sip of coffee to buy a few seconds. John has time, so he lets him. “When we met he seemed like this kid that was worshiping me, kinda. I’ve seen it before,” Dick says with a small smile. “But he isn’t a kid at all. No kid could do what he has done and what he’s doing. He gets things done, he takes charge and…I like it when people take charge in bed. It’s a thing.”

“There is nothing wrong with liking it Dick. There are as many kinks as there are people. But, Tim might be older than his fourteen years, but it doesn’t mean he has lived through everything yet,” John says gently. He thinks it’s vague enough to not betray Tim’s trust, but also specific enough to nudge Dick in the right direction. Somehow John is sure that if they’re going to talk about it, it will have to come from Dick.  

Dick frowns into his coffee and then he says, “Oh,” as it clicks. “Well, fuck…” He stares into his mug. “He seemed so sure and in control.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe he is so young, I know. And he is good at pretending,” John says. “But we really, really shouldn’t forgett.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Dick says. “Thanks John.”

“You are welcome, Dick.”  
   
~+~  
John is puzzling over the new clues that may lead him to Crane, when Barsad enters the Cave.

“John, are you busy?”

John stretches in the chair, feeling his spine pop. “Frustrated, would be more like it.”  
Barsad smiles, handing him a mug of tea. It’s the spicy kind that John hasn’t had in some time. “Thanks.”

“I talked to Tim,” Barsad says. John nods. “I was aware that Dick was getting attached, but I didn’t realize how bad it had become and how desperately he needed someone. I should have said something to him earlier, but it didn’t seem like such a big problem. Holding my son’s hand. Crawling into bed with him, even if he was only seeking warmth and comfort…well it still crossed a line.”

“It’s easy for Dick to go out and hook up with someone, at least for now. Once he embraces this life fully, it will be harder to explain the bruises, cuts, and scars away. But he doesn’t go out and hook up.”

“No, he keeps it all bottled up. Which isn’t healthy,” Barsad says sitting down on the desk. He cradles his mug of tea, staring into the distance.

“Nothing we do here can be called healthy, Barsad.”

“I know. And I know you worry about all of us, John, but I can’t let him get away. Bruce locked him up, but it didn’t keep him from hurting people,” Barsad replies.

“I won’t keep you from…dealing with him the way you see fit, if you should find him first.” John has thought about this long and hard, and this is the only compromise that he thinks everyone can live with. 

Barsad nods. “Seems fair.”

“You are terrorizing the small fish into giving him up,” John says.

“It’s one of the strategies I am pursuing,” Barsad replies. “Something will have to pay off sooner or later. It’s taking too long as it is.” He takes a sip of tea. “For someone who was declared insane he is really very smart.”

“Doctor Crane was declared insane too,” John says.

“Yes, I know. How is your case going?”

“Slow,” John admits. “Since I lost the trail in Starling City. I wonder what he wanted there.”

“Drugs, I would presume. It would be easier for him to get it there than here. As we and the police are monitoring these kinds of purchases.”

John nods, he had thought of that too, of course, but it’s always good to have one’s thoughts confirmed. “He likes to operate in Gotham, so he will come back.”

“The question is,” Barsad says, “What will he bring back with him?”

“Something new and nasty for sure. I think the poor souls in Starling City were his guinea pigs. But as he likes to confront children more-”

“It could be random kids, or schools,” Barsad finishes.

“Or orphanages,” Tim throws in. John looks at him, he hadn’t even heard him enter.

“Orphanages?”

“Doctor Crane developed an unhealthy obsession with you John,” Tim answers. “He might want to hurt you more.”

“St. Swithin’s?” John asks.

“Yes, but also our home,” Tim replies. “It’s widely known that you’re working here and that you’re living here, John. He might try to hurt you by hurting the boys.”

“It’s a real possibility,” Barsad says. “He doesn’t know you’re Nightwing, but he has heard about John Blake during the occupation.”

“Yes,” John replies softly. Crane had been his first real case and he hadn’t been Nightwing back then. He had been alone, just testing things out and Crane had gotten to him. John isn’t proud of it, but the only way itcould have been prevented, is if Bruce had stayed. He is okay now, but he still wants to see Crane locked up. The sooner the better. 

“We have to smoke him out,” Barsad says.

“I think Mr Barsad is right,” Tim says.

“You want to set a trap?” John asks.

“We can’t keep fighting on all lines, John. We are spread too thin. You worry constantly and none of us sleep enough,” Barsad answers. “With Crane out of the picture we can take back the streets, because you would go on patrol again.” He takes another sip of tea. “Fighting crime does wonders for your sex-life,” he adds with a small smile.

John chances a glance at Tim, but he doesn’t seem uncomfortable. But then, it’s sometimes very hard to tell what makes Tim uncomfortable. Right now he looks between glad and curious. Maybe John should have the sex and kinks talk with him soon. “Yeah, it does.”

“Despite everything,” Barsad says, “I am glad you and Bruce are making up again.”

“Thank you,” John replies.


	11. Seven

**~seven~**  
“It’s public cave knowledge that I slept in Jason’s bed,” Dick says and he visibly makes himself look at Barsad.

“Yes. Tim told me,” Barsad replies, blocking a hard punch.

“I’m glad you didn’t kick my ass for it,” Dick says.

“I was considering it,” Barsad admits. “But Tim handled it.”

“I have the bruise to show for it,” Dick says and taps the wall behind him twice. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair and looks at Barsad again. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I was only trying to help and I feel like you’re making a big deal out of it. I’m sure if he had felt I was a threat he would have done something.”

“Jason told me once that he knows you wouldn’t take advantage of such a situation,” Barsad says.

“And I wouldn’t…” Dick trails off. “He had been talking about Tim then, right?”

“Yes,” Barsad answers and Dick’s face falls. “Dick?”

“I fucked up with Tim. Jason will probably kill me for that. He feels so protective of Tim.” He leans his head against the wall, exposing his throat.

“What are you talking about?” Barsad asks.

“He didn’t tell you. Of course he didn’t tell you,” Dick replies. “I didn’t know I was his first,” Dick says quietly.

“Did you take advantage of his crush on you?”

“No. I was lonely and it felt right doing…stuff with Tim at the time and I am sure he wanted and enjoyed it too. He can pin me down-” Dick answers, blushing a bit. “He could have easily said no, but he didn’t and he was so in-”

“Control. So you thought he’s done it before,” Barsad concludes. Watching Tim, he would have never guessed that Tim had had sex with Dick. Or fooled around. Tim doesn’t act differently around Dick. Barsad isn’t sure he should be proud or scared of Tim.

“Yeah. As said before: I fucked up,” Dick says.

“Dick,” Barsad says and Dick looks at him. He looks miserable. “Hit the shower we’re going out to grab some food.”

“Okay…” Dick says.  
   
~+~  
They grab hotdogs and coffee to go and wander the streets of Gotham. By day it doesn’t look so bad, but then by day they don’t venture in the really bad parts of town.  
Closer to Wayne Tower it’s clean and shiny.

“You should really think about what you want to do, Dick. Winter won’t last forever and we don’t know when Jason will wake up. I know you’re calling your parents every few days so they don’t worry, but still. You are only eighteen Dick. You shouldn’t live this life.”

“I don’t think you can live this kind of life when you’re old…” Dick replies, kicking a Styrofoam cup gently.

“I don’t think you get to be old when you live that kind of life Dick.”

“I. You were a mercenary before you became Shadow,” Dick says.

“In a sense yes,” Barsad replies.

“In a sense?”

“I didn’t do it for the money. I believed in the cause, I believed more in the people,” Barsad answers. It still hurts sometimes thinking about Talia and Bane. Knowing that he failed in protecting them – even if only from themselves.

“As I understand it, the cause was to destroy Gotham,” Dick says.

“It was to cleanse Gotham. Bane and Talia didn’t think that there was another way. And Batman wasn’t enough to help the city.”

“He had been alone,” Dick threw in.

“Yes, but we aren’t, Dick.”

 “You are telling me that you don’t need me,” Dick says, kicking the cup a bit harder.

“Not on the streets, Dick, not once Jason is well again.”

Dick sighs, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know if I can quit it,” he admits.

Barsad knew of course that Dick is an adrenalin junkie. Leaping from roofs and jumping down fire escapes is his idea of fun.  
“It’s your decision of course, but you should be aware what you will lose, if you should start being a fulltime vigilante. You will have to quit the circus and you will have to lie to your parents and friends.”

“You guys don’t have anyone…”

“Tim is lying to his parents-”

“Tim’s parents aren’t ever there, Barsad. He is lying to his housekeeper,” Dick interrupts. He kicks the cup one more time and then picks it up and throws it in a nearby trashcan.

“Dick, all I’m saying is, we can handle it now. We are on our way back to functioning like a team. Like a…family,” Barsad says, because no matter what, that is what they are. A very strange brand of family. And every family has ups and downs. They’re doing better. “You helped us a lot.”

Dick nods.

 ~+~  
“I’m running out of books,” Barsad says, sitting down in a chair close to Jason. “But it seems you don’t mind. Watching the birds play is your favorite pastime I hear,” he continues. He strokes Jason’s palm and Jason turns his head to look at him. Sometimes Barsad thinks there is a flicker in his eyes. Recognition.

But it’s always gone very fast.  
“The boys might be gloomy this evening. Tim is dead set on helping John. He wants to bring Crane down.”  
Jason looks away and to the window again. The Robins are playing outside. Barsad suspects Alfred feeds them so they stay here on the balcony. Jason seems to like them.  
Barsad hopes, like everybody else, that it means something.

~+~  
“There was a minor incident on a playground outside of the city this morning,” Gordon says, taking a drag from his cigarette.

“The children?”

“Are alright. Didn’t even make the news,” Gordon replies.

“But it pinged your radar,” Shadow says.

Gordon nods. “I only know about it because a friend's little girl was there too. The children were talking about the bogeyman and it was very…creative.”

“You think they were dosed with something,” Red Hood throws in.

“It faded fast. Two hours tops. But I think it might have been a test run,” Gordon replies.

“We will let Nightwing know. Crane is his case,” Shadow says.

“Here are the statements, if you want to call them that,” Gordon says handing an USB over.

“We will keep you posted,” Shadow replies as he pockets the USB device.

“Thank you,” Gordon says.  
Barsad has a feeling he wants to say more or ask a question – probably about the real Red Hood, but by the time Gordon makes up his mind Dick is already perched on the edge of the roof. He jumps down with reckless abandon and so much grace it could make one envious.  
“Damn…” Gordon mutters.

Shadow smiles and follows.  
   
~+~  
“Absolutely not,” Bruce says and his voice is like steel. No arguing with him. Barsad knows that tone. He parks the bike and lets Dick climb off.

“What is going on?” He asks.

“Tim thinks it will be a good idea to get himself killed,” Bruce hisses.

“That’s not it and you know it Bruce. I am a good choice. I am small, can look even younger and I am trained-”

“You were kidnapped once, and you sought out the vigilantes that rescued you after, Tim.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” Tim replies.

“I know you do in fact, because you’re too smart for your own good,” Bruce says.  
Tim crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Bruce.

“What is this about?” Barsad asks again.

“The Crane case,” John answers. “Tim wants to be bait.”

“He won’t go after one child,” Dick says.

“He might if he thinks that child is somehow important to John.”

“Are you crazy?” Dick throws in. “After what happened to Jason?” He looks to John and then Barsad. “You’re not considering this!”

“We’re not,” Bruce answers.

“You don’t have the last word in this,” Tim says stubbornly.

“We will think of something else, Tim,” John says gently.

Tim glares at him too and then shakes his head. “Fine.”  
   
~+~  
“Talk,” Shadow says from the darkness.

The man jumps and looks around. “He knows you're looking for him,” the man says.

“Good. That means everyone else should know by now too,” Shadow replies.

The man fidgets nervously. “He will put a bounty on your head, Shadow. He is just that crazy. Tells everyone who wants to hear it that he beat the boy to death-”

“Hood is still stalking the shadows you are too afraid to look at,” Shadow hisses.

“Says, it's someone else. That you replaced the boy,” the man says.

Shadow considers. “Do they believe him?”

The man shrugs, relaxing a bit. “What does it matter? If it's another boy under the mask? He is still making our lives difficult -”

“And I am making it hell until you give him up,” Shadow replies emerging from the shadows.

“You won't hurt the messenger, will you?”

Shadow smiles under the hood. He nearly forgot how good this could feel. How satisfying it could be to feel another man's fear. A big man's fear. A mean man's fear. Rat is neither. So Shadow doesn't break his fingers – this time.  
“There is something else I need information on,” Shadow says.

“Man...”

“There was an incident on a playground outside the city yesterday morning,” Shadow says.

Rat relaxes again. “Word on the street is, it was Crane, but no one has seen him yet. Since Arkham.”

Shadow nods. It's always good to have confirmation. Crane is back and he is cooking up something nasty, but not necessarily big. The man starts to get angsty again. Shadow stays where he is. “And, uhm...he has a thing for that cop that ran with Gordon-”

“Blake,” Shadow hisses.

The man swallows. “Yeah...Heard he isn't a cop anymore after the whole Occupation clusterfuck...”  
Shadow keeps silent. “So...can I go now?” The man asks. “Please?”

Shadow nods and the man runs. Shadow doesn't stay to watch him go, he fires a grapple and makes his way to his bike. He needs to talk to John. Their suspicions, or fears, had just been confirmed. They need to prepare, they need to find Crane before Crane can hurt anyone only so he can get to John.  
Doctor Crane isn't a priority case with the police because he never killed anyone. Actively. But you don't need to take a crowbar to someone's head to fuck them up thoroughly.

~+~  
Tim closes the book he has been reading to Jason just seconds ago and turns slightly, smiling.   
“You're early, Mr Barsad,” he says.

Barsad emerges from the shadows. “What gave me away?” He asks as he steps fully into the room.

Tim shrugs. “It's just a feeling. I know when someone is watching me. It used to creep me out, but now I think it's a handy skill to have.”

Barsad nods. “It is.” Sometimes he really doesn't know if he should be in awe of Tim or really concerned.

“I'll go down to the kitchen and-”

“Do you want to go and get something to eat?” Barsad cuts in.

Tim looks at him, cocks his head, thinks. Decides. “No, I don't, actually. I just thought it was an acceptable excuse to use.”

“You don't have to leave.”

“I always had the impression you prefer to be alone with Jason,” Tim says. He is still hovering, uncertain if he should stay or not. Barsad can read it in his body language.

“I do. Usually.” Barsad admits. “Sometimes it's really hard.” 

Tim sits down. “Because he is so silent.”

“Yes,” Barsad replies.

“I don't mind silence...I mean my house is silent pretty much constantly. But I do miss him.”

“Yes,” Barsad says. “I miss him too.”

“Mr Barsad,” Tim says. “Are you really going to kill the Joker once you find him?”

“Do you think that he deserves to be locked away at Arkham again? Where he is clothed, feed and medicated – where he lives better than some of the citizens of this City?”

Tim frowns. “Put like that I would have to say no. I don't think he should be locked away at Arkham again.”

“I can hear a but, Tim.”

Tim smiles. “Because there is one, Mr Barsad. But we aren't the ones, we shouldn't be the ones to make that decision.”

“He is a rabid dog, Tim. We should put him out of misery.”

“We aren't qualified to decide that,” Tim objects.

“Who is then? The doctors at Arkham? Jonathan Crane was a doctor at Arkham,” Barsad replies.

“You make a very strong case, Mr Barsad,” Tim says.

“But you aren't swayed,” Barsad smiles.

“No. I am not. I believe in what Bruce believes. I can see the logic in what you are saying, but it's like with the knowing someone is watching me...deep down I know it would be wrong. For me at least.” He looks at Jason's face then. “But I won't shed a tear when he dies.”

“Tim-”

“I know you killed before. I know you killed before for Jason and that is...I think when push would come to shove I could be tempted to kill for those I love. To protect those I love.”

“I really hope you'll never have to find out, Tim,” Barsad says.

“Me too,” Tim replies.

~+~  
“If I have to listen to one more of these coven witch stories, I'm gonna jump out the window,” Jason says. His voice sounds rough and warm and he is looking at Barsad. Really looking at him.  
Barsad grabs the book so hard, he's afraid he'll tear it and then drops it so he can hug the living hell out of Jason.  
“What the fuck B?” Jason says. “What the fuck am I doing here?”

Barsad holds on for a bit longer before he makes himself let go. He knows that Tim is probably watching this and giving them space right now. But he can’t be bothered to think about how to act.  
Jason looks at him. His eyes wide and – not scared, because he obviously knows where he is.  
“What do you remember?” Barsad asks.

“People reading and laughing, someone threw something at me…” Jason answers and runs a hand through his hair. It’s gotten long since no one has dared to cut it. It hadn’t been a good idea to come near Jason with sharp objects.

“And before?” Barsad asks.

“I don’t know…I was out, patrolling and I remember Tim being there, but Tim doesn’t go out.”

“No, Tim doesn’t,” Barsad says.

“What happened to me?” Jason asks.

“You got-“

“Don’t lie to me,” Jason hisses.

“You got ambushed and nearly beaten to death. We didn’t know if you would make it, Jason.”

“How long was I out?”

“Five months,” Barsad says.

“Okay…” Jason replies. “Okay…fuck. Five months. What did you-”

“Holly shit-” Dick says in that moment and Barsad turns to him.

Jason just stares. “What is…Dick?”  
Dick stands in the doorway and just looks at Jason. Barsad wants him gone. He knows it’s selfish and horrible, but this is just not a good time.

“You’re awake! I’m going to tell Tim,” Dick says.  
Barsad wants to say that Tim knows, but he doesn’t because Dick going to find Tim means he’s going to leave the room.

“What is he doing here?”

“He was concerned, so he came-”

“When?”

“December,” Barsad replies.

“What month is it?”

“End of February.”

“And you let him stay? What is he doing here?” Jason asks. He is still sharp. His memory might be hazy, but he is still connecting the dots.

“Helping out-”

“B.” Jason stresses.

“He is going on patrol-”

“You took on another underage vigilante? I bet Tim loves that,” Jason cut in.  
Barsad has no idea how to say this. It had seemed like a good idea to let Dick wear the Red Hood mask, but now being confronted by his son – it seems like the biggest betrayal. What had he been thinking? “What does he call himself?”

“Red Hood,” Barsad says.

Jason looks at him. And Barsad waits. “You gave him my suit, the mask – my bike?” Jason asks.

“Not your bike,” Barsad replies.

“Well, thank god for that,” Jason says and it’s all sarcasm. “What the fuck B?”

“We needed to show strength after you were out for so long.”

“By replacing me?!”

“I know you’re upset now,” Barsad says and Jason laughs, but it’s not a good sound.

“I get it. You saw his potential,” Jason replies. It’s more of a hiss.

“Jason-”

“I need a fucking minute, B.”

“I’ll come back soon. Alfred will bring you something to eat-”

“I don’t need anything,” Jason cuts in sharply.

Barsad nods. There is nothing he can do right now. Jason is confused and- no, Jason isn’t confused at all right now, what he is, is angry and Barsad can understand that. “We need to have a doctor check you out, Jason. Are you up for it?”

“Yeah…” he says, but he’s already turning away and staring at the birds outside the window. It gives Barsad the chills.


	12. Interlude III: Jason

**Interlude III: Jason**   


Jason’s staring at the birds and raking his brain about what the hell happened to him. Everything is kinda of hazy. He just can’t remember and the memories before the hospital, before waking up at the manor are all fucked up too. A total mess. He knows who the people close to him are, but he doesn’t really know what he felt for them, except for Barsad. He tries to match feelings to the faces, but he draws a blank.  
He sees the expectant look on Dick’s face and he knows he and Dick spent some time hanging out. He knows they had emailed and texted. He has it all there on his phone, but he feels nothing. It doesn’t connect. And when he looks at Barsad he knows he cares for him. That they care for each other and he knows Barsad would kill for him, killed for him in fact. It’s the only connection he feels. There is something strong that binds them.  
He looks at Alfred and knows who he is, remembers baking with him at one time (or more? Probably) but he doesn’t feel the warmth he should be feeling.  
The worst are Tim and John, Jason thinks. They’re trying so hard in their own ways.  
It’s frustrating. He doesn’t think anyone has noticed it yet, but it will be only a matter of time. He needs to find out who he used to be with them.  
   
~+~  
“Wanna play chess?” Tim asks, sitting down on the carpet and grabbing blindly for one of the cushions from the sofa.

What Jason wants is to go home. He has no idea why they’re still at the manor. He hates it here. He hates it here because everyone is constantly in his space. Except for Tim. The doctors that had checked him out are pretty confident he will be okay again with a bit more time and exercises and whatnot.  
“I used to like to play, right?” He asks.

“I don’t know? Maybe, you indulged me?” Tim teases.

“I don’t think I am the kind of person to indulge someone,” Jason replies.

“You’re good at it,” Tim says, looking up at him.

He has such an earnest little face, Jason thinks. “You threw a Knight at me,” he says as he sits down. He takes one of the Knights and plays with it for a while.

“I didn’t mean to. You caught it easily,” Tim replies. His cheeks a bit pink. “Do you remember everything from the time you were…”

“A doll?” Jason supplies. Tim nods. “No, not everything. But parts are coming back. Like right now. When I saw the Knight and touched it I knew you threw it at me.”

“I read to you too,” Tim says gently.

“I know. Everyone read to me,” Jason says. It was a constant stream of words.

“Mr Barsad talked to you a lot too,” Tim replies, setting the board up.

Jason puts the Knight down. Barsad had explained the reasoning behind giving Dick the mask. It had sounded like a good plan, but Jason can’t help but feel like he has been replaced by someone who is better suited to be a vigilante. He’s seen a few of the videos Tim made of Dick and Shadow. Dick moves…fluidly. He is born to leap from rooftops and fly over the city. What took Jason nearly a year comes so easily to Dick. Jason is aware he’s feeling jealousy.  
“I can’t remember specific monologues,” Jason says. “I bet you didn’t talk my ear off while I was defenceless.” 

“You never were defenceless, Jason. You were safe here. And you were still able to defend yourself. You caught the Knight.”

“Yeah…so, let’s play.”  
   
~+~  
Jason knows Tim had read him text-books so he wouldn’t fall behind on his studies and he knows Dick had played music and John had read to him too or had talked with B, but he can’t remember words. He doesn’t know what they were talking about. Probably the cases they were still working on, because everything came to a halt when Jason had been in the hospital – narrowly escaping his death. The Joker is still in hiding, but Doctor Crane is planning something. Jason isn’t allowed on the streets yet. His body itches, he feels restless with energy and being still for far too long.

“Come on, Robin,” Jason says, watching Tim warm up. “Spar with me. I feel rusty and useless.” He’s only half-joking.

“You were out of commission for five months, Jason,” Tim says.

“I will go easy on you,” Jason replies.

Tim smiles. “I’ve learned a few things since the last time we did this,” he warns.

Jason shrugs. “That’s fine. So you will have a snowball’s chance to beat me then.”

“Fine,” Tim replies. “Warm-up first. We don’t want you to pull a muscle.”

“It’s sweet how you care,” Jason says.

Tim doesn’t roll his eyes, but Jason can tell it’s a near thing. He warms up and feels more like himself since he has woken up. He can do this. His body knows exactly what to do even if his mind has forgotten. It’s a good feeling to know that he can rely on something in his life.  
Tim is a lot better. He is more agile and even quicker. He has been taught to use his small body to his advantage. Jason isn’t really surprised he’s so good. He had always known that about Tim. It’s a good thing Tim is on their side.

“You should talk to Dick,” Tim says between hits.

“I talk to Dick,” Jason replies.

“No, you brush him off. All the time,” Tim says, aiming a kick at his shoulder.

Jason blocks. It’s hard to be with Dick in the same room sometimes. Dick has taken his place here. He has trained with Tim, he has helped B, he has terrified criminals that were Jason’s to terrify. He has bonded with John for god’s sake and had even done some fancy stuff on the trapeze with Bruce. Bruce who always made Jason feel like he is not good enough… He kicks a bit too hard, but Tim jumps smoothly aside.

He doesn’t apologize. This is what he needs, he needs his body to take over so he doesn’t have to think about all this shit.    
Besides, yesterday Dick had brushed his hand and Jason froze. He had a flash of something and he couldn’t fall asleep that night for hours thinking about Dick’s fingers. It was unnerving.

“I can’t trust him,” Jason says.

Tim taps the matt unexpectedly and Jason can just barely re-direct his kick. “Fuck. Give a boy a warning?” He rubs his neck and looks at Tim.  
They’re both sweating, but Jason’s breathing is more laboured.

“What do you mean you can’t trust him?” Tim asks.

Something in Tim’s voice makes Jason pay extra attention. “I don’t know what he’s still doing here. I am nearly back to normal-”

“One could argue that point,” Tim cuts in. Cheeky bastard Jason thinks.

“Still don’t have me pinned to the mat, do you?”

“I was going easy on you,” Tim replies.

Jason snorts. “Right.”

“And you’re deflecting,” Tim says. “We were really scared, you know?” He adds softly.

“And your way to show it is to give him my suit?” Jason asks. “I have no idea what the hell B was thinking.”

“It was my idea, actually,” Tim says.

Jason looks at him. “Your hard on for him must really affect your thinking!”

Tim shoves him then and Jason loses his balance for a second and it’s enough. He is pinned to the mat in moments.  
“It was the best we could do without you! He kept us sane,” Tim hisses.

“Maybe he kept you sane!” Jason replies hotly and shoves at Tim.

Tim doesn’t give, only strengthens the hold he has on Jason. “He did!” Tim says and then quieter, “I listened to it, you know? The whole time I was there and listened and I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t do anything!”

Well, fuck. Fuck and fuck and fuck again. Jason can’t remember. He can’t remember a thing from that night, except that Tim had been there, but Tim isn’t allowed to be out, so he had dismissed it as a hallucination. Something his brain had gotten wrong when he woke up.  
“Tim,” he says and Tim’s hold slackens a bit. Jason takes advantage of that and pulls him in. He doesn’t even struggle.

“I’m sorry,” Tim whispers against his neck. Jason holds him tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have done anything,” Jason replies and realizes that that is the reason Tim is so good now. He must have convinced John and B to teach him. So this could never happen to him again. So he wouldn’t have to feel so helpless ever again. Jason isn’t planning on a repeat performance in any way.  
He closes his eyes and lets Tim cling to him.

~+~  
Jason wakes up confused, vaguely aroused, and lonely. He feels fucking lonely in his bed and he had never used to feel that way before. What the fuck? And he feels vaguely guilty too for how he is treating Dick. He needs to talk to B so they can finally go home. Jason runs a hand through his hair and ignores his cock. There is no way he’s going back to sleep now.   
The hurt look in Dick’s eyes when Jason had brushed him off this morning again, is suddenly coming back to haunt him. This will fuck Dick up. This life. They will fuck Dick up. It’s already starting to happen.  
He gets up and wanders to the kitchen. There is still light on. Someone is working late. Jason can’t be bothered to not disturb. He needs a bowl of Alfred’s lemon and strawberry ice-cream to calm the fuck down.

Seems Bruce has the same idea. He is eating ice-cream and staring at papers at the same time.  
“Can’t sleep?” He says, not looking up.  
Jason walks over to the fridge on bare feet and fixes himself a bowl.  
“There are frozen cherries at the back,” Bruce says.

Jason shuffles the frozen goods around until he finds the bag with cherries and throws a handful on his ice-cream. Once he’s done he crumbles a handful of potato chips on top and grabs a spoon. He could go up and eat it in bed, or the library or any other freaking room in the forbidden wing, like the kids like to call it, but then he sits down at the kitchen table. Bruce looks up from his papers. Jason doesn’t know what to say. He knows that everyone has blamed or blames Bruce for what had happened to Jason. He knows B wanted to rip his heart out for lying to everyone. Jason has had a lot of time to think about it and well, it had been his fault too. He doesn’t blame Bruce. Not for that.

“I don’t blame you for what happened to me,” he says when his bowl is already half empty.

“Jason-”

“But I sure as hell hope that B finds him first. I don’t think he deserves Arkham, Bruce,” Jason says and stops playing with his spoon and looks at Bruce instead. It’s shocking how blue his eyes are. And how expressive. At the back of his mind there is a nagging feeling that he and Bruce had never really gotten along until he had his head bashed in, but he can't really remember the feeling of hate or hostility or whatever he had felt back then for Bruce.

“You want revenge then?” Bruce asks.

Jason shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. He liked doing it-”

“I thought you couldn’t remember,” Bruce cuts in. Most likely trying to catch him lying or something. Bruce sometimes just can’t help himself.

Jason rolls his eyes. “I can’t, but I listened to the recording. The one everyone probably has listened to and you and Tim compulsively.”

Bruce nods. “Of course you did.”

“So, I know he enjoyed it and I know Tim listened to it while it happened. And it doesn’t mean anything, anything at all all, Bruce, that we gave that kid a fancy vigilante name. He was only fourteen when he listened to a mad man beating a friend to death and enjoying it. If that doesn’t fuck you up, I don’t know what would do the trick.”

“Language,” Bruce says.

“If that is the only thing you can come up with, I am pretty sure I can say that you agree with me on this,” Jason replies and continues eating his ice-cream.

“Jason-”

“If you want to know if I'm okay, I'm not, but I'm gonna take a page out of your book and just pretend like I am,” Jason interrupts.

Something like a smile graces Bruce's lips. Jason ducks his head. It’s getting easier to be around Bruce every day. Maybe getting his head bashed in has been good for something. It's like he's got a clean slate regarding his feelings.

“People who care about you will see right through you, Jason.”

“Eventually, yeah...I don't think it's a bad thing,” Jason replies.

Bruce nods.

~+~  
“Here,” Tim says handing him an USB stick.

“I hope it's good porn, Tim,” Jason jokes. Tim gives him a look. “What? I was in a coma not dead. I still enjoy jerking off to good looking people.”

“No, that's not it. I mean...I never had the feeling you were interested in people that way,” Tim says earnestly.

“Ah, because that scumbag who killed my mom had tried to rape me?”

Tim nods. “Yeah.”

Jason shrugs. He remembers vaguely that it has been a fight to get hard, but since he lost all the connections to those feelings, it’s been really easy to get aroused lately. “I'm fine,” Jason says.

“Okay...” Tim looks sceptical. Jason wonders how much he has changed from the person that he used to be around these people he calls his friends and family. Probably a lot.

“It's not porn, is it? You don't have any real porn, do you? You have recordings of Grayson you get off to,” Jason grins.

Tim doesn't blush. Much. “It's not and maybe you shouldn't watch it after all.” He holds his hand out.

“Too late, now, I will watch it no matter what.”

“I can get it back, Jason-”

“I have a few moves you don't know about,” Jason cuts in as Tim lungs for the USB stick. He grabs Tim's writs and pulls instead of pushing him away or ducking. He pulls Tim in and kisses him fast and chaste, but it's enough. It stops Tim dead in his tracks. It's really all the time Jason needs to run into his room and lock the door. His lips feel tingly. He can hear his heart pounding and then realises it isn't his heart at all, it's Tim who is pounding on the door.

“Jason don't! I was wrong to give it to you!”

Jason looks at the USB stick in his hand and then switches on his laptop.  
“What the fuck,” Jason says, apparently loud enough to be heard through the door.

“I'm sorry,” Tim replies.

“For giving it to me or for having a fucking camera installed in my room, you freak?” Jason asks.

“I removed the camera,” Tim replies. It's not an answer to Jason's question. “I thought you should know, but maybe Dick should have told you,” Tim says. “You said you couldn't trust him-”

“And you thought that was why,” Jason cuts in.

“Yeah...” Tim replies.

“You kicked his ass for sneaking into my bed,” Jason says.

“Maybe I overreacted...you didn't see him as a threat. You let him sleep beside you.”

And god only knows for how many nights until Tim had discovered it. Jason rubs the bridge of his nose. That would explain why he has felt so lonely in his bed. He had gotten used to having someone in it with him. What a clusterfuck.  
“Why did you give me that?” Jason asks.

“Because you should know.”

“Or because you were jealous?” Jason asks.

“I'm not jealous because Dick likes you, Jason!” Tim says. “Besides I am the first person you ever kissed since your mother died.”

“She was killed,” Jason corrects out of habit and thinks, hmm. Tim is right. He remembers that he had turned away from Dick's kiss. “Will Dick be jealous now?”

“Do you intend to tell him that you're using kissing as a means of deception nowadays?” Tim asks and it sounds a bit bitter. But it's true it hadn't been anything more than a ploy to stun Tim, so he could get away.

Jason feels like he should apologize, but the fact is that he doesn't feel sorry for kissing Tim. It had been a harmless kiss anyway. Grandmothers are kissed with more passion...or not. He should kill that train of thought right there. “Nah,” he says. “I can keep a secret.”

“I can keep secrets as well, Jason. I just don't want to,” Tim says not taking the bait. It makes Jason proud. “Are you going to confront Dick about it?”

How can he not? “Sure,” Jason answers.

“Try not to be too harsh?” Tim asks.

Jason laughs. “I'll put on my fucking kid-gloves.”

Tim sighs.

~+~  
The third night he wakes up in the middle of the night vaguely lonely and aroused, he decides that this shit has gone far enough. One night here or there he can take, but three nights in a row? Not so much. He gets out of bed and goes over to Dick's room. He hesitates only for a moment. He can't remember how he felt about Dick before, but he remembers how it felt to not have to sleep alone – at least in bits and pieces. Fleeting feelings of being warm and safe.  
He opens the door slowly, steps into the room and stops at the empty side of the bed. He could just go back now. He should just go back now...

“Jason?” Dick asks sleepily, blinking up at him and he's searching blindly for the bedside lamp.

“Don't,” Jason says. There is just enough light coming from the window to see.

“Fuck,” Dick breathes. “Tim told you. That's why you’ve been so weird lately.”

“You should have told me,” Jason says.

“I shouldn't have done it,” Dick replies.

“You regret it?” Jason asks and he isn't sure what he wants to hear.

“I don't know-”

“Bullshit,” Jason cuts in.

“No, I don't,” Dick says. “I should, I think, feel like I should apologizing for it, but I thought it would help you to come back. Or at least to stay here.”  
Jason nods. He's read up on his state and Dick probably read the same stuff. He pulls the covers back and gets into Dick's bed. “What are you doing?” Dick asks.

“I'm lying down so I can go to sleep,” Jason answers.

“But-”

“Shut up Dick,” Jason cuts in.

Dick does and then he slings his arms and legs around Jason like an octopus. Jason feels like he's going to suffocate. He pushes Dick away. “No cuddling or I'll punch you.”

“But...why are you here, Jason?”

Because I kissed Tim. Because you’ve fucked me up somehow. Because I can't sleep alone, it seems. “I don't know,” Jason answers.

Dick sighs and rolls on his back. They stare at the ceiling in silence for what feels like hours, but is probably only minutes. Then Dick's pinkie touches his under the covers. Jason doesn't pull away. Dick's sigh is content this time. Jason closes his eyes and falls asleep.


	13. Eight

**~eight~**  
John wanders past Jason’s room like every morning, grabs for the handle and- it’s open. He peers inside. The bed is unmade and Jason is nowhere to be found.  
He goes to the kitchen, because maybe Jason is already up. Bruce said that Jason can’t sleep lately. Apparently they had a moment over ice-cream of all things. John smiles to himself as he enters the kitchen. It’s empty. He makes coffee and waits. The house is very silent on this side. He can’t hear the children from the orphanage. It’s probably too early for them to be up.  
He checks the tracker he has on Shadow. He is still down in the Narrows. As long as it’s dark outside he won’t come back. John takes a sip of his coffee and waits for Dick and Jason to show up  
Tim is probably already on his way to school.

“Master John,” Alfred says from the door.

“Alfred,” John replies with a smile. “Coffee?”

“Please,” Alfred says. “Master Jason isn’t in his room.”

“I know,” John says, glancing at the clock. If Jason had been showering he would have come to the kitchen at any moment now. Jason likes the smell of coffee.

“He did not wander off, did he?” Alfred asks.

John looks at him. “I don’t know.” He feels nervous. Barsad trusts him with his son. He can’t fuck this up. He puts his mug on the counter and looks to Alfred. “Help me look for him? Maybe he did wander off and got lost.”

“Certainly, Master John,” Alfred answers and stands up.  
   
~+~  
They split up. The unused part of the manor is kind of creepy. Everything that hadn’t been sold is covered with huge white sheets and the rest is just empty space. It looks old, but John knows it isn’t. Nearly everything had been destroyed by the fire over ten years ago. He had read about it as a boy and had wondered, now that he knows the whole story he only gets angry at Ra’s for destroying Bruce’s home. Something that was so old and grand.   
It’s dusty here too, as no one really cares to clean it all every week. John is sure Alfred at least tries to dust every two months or so, but he has a lot of other duties now that Bruce is letting him in again.  
John suspects that Alfred had missed the vigilante life just a little bit.    
Jason is nowhere to be found.  
John goes back to the part of the manor, where the rooms are that they are inhabiting. He needs to wake Dick and ask him to look on the grounds with John.  
John knocks gently, but gets no answer so he pushes the door open and peeks in. And then he just stands there until his brain catches up with him, and he realizes that, yes he is in fact in Dick’s room. And Jason is sleeping in Dick’s bed, with Dick.  
John has no fucking idea what to do.

Jason stirs and blinks at him and then he looks from John to Dick and back at John. “I can explain,” Jason whispers.

“I was worried you might have wandered off, Jason,” John whispers back. “There’s coffee in the kitchen. And Danishes,” he adds.

Jason nods and gets out of bed carefully. Dick makes an unhappy noise and hugs the pillow. He isn’t really an early riser if he doesn’t have to be up.  
   
~+~  
Jason is silent on the way to the kitchen. His bare feet make nearly no noise.  
He pours himself coffee and grabs a Danish as he sits down. “I can’t sleep. Since I woke up I couldn’t sleep at all and I felt lonely,” he says.

“Okay…” John has an uneasy feeling about this. He of course suspected that there is something going on with Jason since he woke up. He is the same, but still different. Bruce has said as much as well.

“Tim told me Dick used to sneak into my bed-”

“I’m sorry it took us so long to figure it out,” John cuts in.

Jason smiles. “Tim you mean. Tim figured it out because the little freak installed a freaking camera in my bedroom.”

“He removed it as soon as you woke up,” John says.

“Uhmm... Even brain-dead as I was, I think I deserved some privacy.”

“There were no cameras in the bathroom,” John says. “We were worried about you. And you weren’t brain-dead, Jason.” John takes a sip of his coffee. “Why were you in Dick’s bed?”

“Because he fucked me up by sneaking into mine. Tonight was the first night I actually slept through,” Jason answers and he sounds a bit angry.

“He meant well.”

“He took liberties,” Jason says.

“I can’t argue that. But no one told him about your past, Jason. He didn’t know you don’t like to be touched – much.”

“You know, the funny thing is that I am way better now. I’m not…”

“Afraid?” John supplies.

“I was never afraid. I was uncomfortable with you and Bruce and pretty much everyone who wasn’t B, a girl or smaller than me.”

“Okay,” John says. “And now you’re not?”

Jason shrugs. “It’s better I guess. Different. I can’t say I won’t freak out and punch a stranger who should touch me. But I can handle the people living here. Also, what’s up with that?”

“The manor is big enough for everybody,” John answers, but he was wondering about it too. “And the Cave is here. Training happens down there now.”

“I know. I’ve seen what you made out of Tim. He’s a small compact killing machine.”

“Tim doesn’t kill. He has a strict moral code.”

“Batman’s,” Jason says.

“Yes. He is still soaking up all of Bruce’s teachings,” John replies.

“What about Dick?” Jason asks.

“Barsad has taught him the basics.”

Jason nods. John is sure Jason already knew that. Barsad doesn’t like keeping things or lying to Jason. He, like Tim, thinks it’s dangerous.

“But does he have an opinion on the Joker?” Jason asks.

“You’ll have to ask him yourself, Jason,” John answers.

“Fair enough,” Jason says.

John really isn’t sure he should interfere in this whole messy Tim, Jason, Dick love triangle thing, but- “You should talk with Tim or Dick anyway, Jason.”

“About the time I wasn’t really here?” Jason asks. John nods. “I know they’ve become close. Was bound to happen. I’m not jealous of their friendship. Dick was always our friend. Not mine. No matter that he was in love with me.”

“Jason-”

“Or is still in love with me. It’s stupid you know? He should have found someone else to give his heart to. I can’t take it,” Jason says.

“Why crawl into my bed then?” Dick asks from the door.

Dick is really silent, but John is sure Jason knew he was there. Jason is aware of his surroundings at all times. Even when Joker’s people found him, he only went down because he had been outnumbered and they had guns. He is even more alert now.

“Because I couldn’t sleep. You fucked me up by invading my space,” Jason answers, without looking at Dick. John thinks it’s a bit harsh, but it’s not his place to say anything about it. The kids have to figure this out on their own. He only hopes that Tim won’t be the one who gets hurt in the process.  
Dick runs a hand through his hair. He looks like he’s ready to scream or pack his clothes. Both are valuable options.  
John grabs two Danishes and his coffee and leaves the kitchen.  
Privacy, he thinks.  
   
~+~  
Barsad is in the showers when John makes it to the Cave. John had installed a coffeemaker down here as well. Had been pretty much the first thing he had done. The second thing had been to jerk off in front of the Batsuit. Good times. 

“John,” Barsad says as he comes out of the shower, toweling his hair.

“I brought you a Danish. Dick and Jason are having it out in the kitchen,” he replies.  
Barsad gives him a look.   
John backtracks mentally. “Talking. They are talking about boundaries and whatnot.”

“He is different now,” Barsad says, he takes the Danish with a nod of thanks and sits down at the desk.

“Yes, he is,” John replies. He isn’t sure it’s a good thing, but he isn’t sure it’s a bad thing either.

“It’s like he lost his fear of…everything. The attachment to that fear,” Barsad corrects, but he is still frowning at his Danish a bit. Well, frowning for Barsad.

“I vote for: it’s a good thing when it comes to his feelings about other people.”

“You’re just happy he and Bruce made up,” Barsad accuses, but it lacks the sharpness when he says Bruce's name that has been there since Jason had gotten hurt.  
John is cautiously optimistic that they can patch things up again. Barsad isn’t one for holding grudges. Not lifelong ones at least.

“I am happy he and Bruce aren’t at each other’s throats anymore, yes.” He takes a sip of coffee. He is also glad that Jason said he doesn’t blame Bruce. It means a lot to Bruce, even if he would never admit it.

“There is something else on your mind,” Barsad says.

John nods. It’s a bit weird to be having these domestic conversations, but it’s also nice. “Neither Dick nor Tim has told Jason about that time they hooked up, and this morning I found Jason in Dick’s bed.”

Barsad looks at him. “Jason was in Dick’s bed?”

“Yes. He slept there. He did it of his own free will. I asked,” John answers. “Dick probably thinks it means something.”

“You don’t think it means something?” Barsad asks.

“Jason was mean about it when Dick asked why he crawled into his bed.”

Barsad sighs. “You’re so soft-hearted John. You want everybody to be happy. But life doesn’t work like that. You of all people should know.”

John nods into his coffee. He knows that Barsad is right. He isn’t naïve. “It’s not the worst you could want, I guess.”

Barsad smiles at him when he looks up. “No, it’s not. I have a lead on Crane. One of my informants spit it out.”

“Thanks,” John replies.

“We can start on it after breakfast or do you want to look at it now?” Barsad asks.

“I’ll look at it now. You can go right up. They should be done in the kitchen.”

“I think Jason is getting restless here. I was thinking about moving us back to our place, but then he’ll need more training and having him living here and training here – it’s convenient,” Barsad says.

“You are welcome here. The both of you and you know that, Barsad,” John replies.

“I know John,” he says. They finish their Danishes and coffees in silence.  
   
~+~  
John has the feeling they are finally, finally, closing in on Crane. There had been some thefts that had looked a bit like desperate junkie break-ins, but the drugs that had been stolen were too specific and another incident in the suburbs where children were found hysterical for a short period of time. That one had not made the papers either, but Tim was looking out for such things on the blogs and online forums. Twitter is surprisingly helpful in these matters. Tim is scarily efficient.  
Barsad’s informant had told him that Crane is looking for people, but no one has seen him yet. The word however is out and there will always be someone desperate enough to work for Crane.  
And what is even more concerning is the fact that Crane has hired people to dig up everything there can be dug up about John Blake, former police detective. There isn’t much. Just enough, so no one gets suspicious. And he gets an alert too when someone tries, at least over the electronic paper-trail. There are of course other ways too. If someone is determined. Where there is a will and all that.

“It would be good to send someone undercover,” Tim says.

John isn’t really surprised he’s in the Cave and that he has been able to sneak up on John. “I can’t go for obvious reasons,” John replies.

“None of us can go, really. I bet he knows everyone who lives here now. John. We need to find and stop him, and fast.” Tim says.

“You’re worried,” John replies.

Tim nods. “You know I read the files on your kidnapping, I’m sure you know that I read the other report too. The one you wrote.”

“The sealed one, yeah…” John says. He is glad Bruce redid his report on that case. It is easier to read it in Bruce’s clinical Batman voice.

“And I think he wants you back John. He couldn’t break you. Not completely and he needs you now. Everyone else is just a bonus.”

“You, you mean. The kids and vigilante teenagers I call my family?”

Tim turns a faint shade of pink. John will never find it not adorable. Tim can be so matter of fact, analytical and cold about most things, but he still feels faintly embarrassed when someone shows him genuine kindness and affection. John hopes he’ll never grow out of it. He likes to see that faint blush on Tim’s cheeks that tells him Tim is happy.

“Yes, and with Jason still out of commission and Dick not being good enough to face someone like Crane yet-”

“It’s still no, Tim. I don’t want you to be bait,” John says.

Tim sighs. “I knew you would say that. But, I’m better trained than Jason and Dick. You know that. And I was kidnapped once before.”

“I know it had been bad the last time Tim. But it wouldn’t even compare to the things Crane could do to you in a matter of hours. And I don’t want to risk your sanity and soul.”

“You won’t be moved on this,” Tim says.

“No. I won’t, Tim. I know you are smart and analytical, but there is so much going on in your life. There is the thing with Dick and then there is Jason and your parents. All the secrets you’re keeping. He will figure you out, Tim and he will use it against you. He has been trained and he has experience and something else…” John searches for the right word, but the closest it can be called is, “A gift. A natural affinity.”

“He loves what he’s doing, and doesn’t care for the consequences.”

“Yes,” John confirms.  
   
~+~  
“Master John,” Alfred says as John comes out of the shower that evening. “It’s Master Timothy,” he adds and hands John the phone. Alfred just can’t help it. Even though he isn’t a butler anymore, he still behaves like one.

“I have an idea, but you won’t like it much,” Tim says instead of a greeting.

“I’m all ears,” John replies, sitting down on the edge of the sofa.

“We need someone to bait Crane. You know that,” Tim begins. John doesn’t interrupt him. “And I was thinking, because there is no way in hell you will use one of us for it and I get it John. He would use everything we have learned and all that we’re feeling against us and we might slip. So, I was thinking you could maybe ask Mark,” Tim concludes.

John needs a moment to understand who Tim means and when it falls into place he…he isn’t sure. Mark lost his brother to Bane and he is a believer in the Batman. He is still living at the orphanage. He doesn’t know any secrets, but John is still meeting up with him from time to time. He wouldn’t be a blip on Crane’s radar when there are people closer to John. He could ask Mark to hire himself out to Crane. Mark could be their inside man.  
“Crane is desperately looking for people. And he likes them young and desperate too. Mark fits that profile.”

“Crane would hire him solely because he knows you, John,” Tim says. “No matter that it’s only in passing.”

“Mark is only a bit older than you,” John says. Mark would be in danger.

“I know. I said you wouldn’t like it much. But he’s a tough kid and he’s taking your defense lessons, John.” Tim replies.

“Let me think about it,” John says.

“Of course,” Tim says. “Night John.”

“Good night Tim,” John replies and hands Alfred the phone.

“Good news, Master John?” Alfred asks.

“I’m not sure yet, to be honest, Alfred. I think Bruce won’t like this at all,” John answers.

“Maybe you should talk it over with Master Barsad first then. Seen as he is the active partner in your relationship right now.”

John laughs. “It’s good I know you don’t have a dirty mind, Alfred,” he says.

Alfred just smiles at him.  
   
~+~  
The plan is a good one. They really need some they can trust inside Doctor Crane’s operation. On the other hand: Mark is only sixteen. And untrained. If something should happen to him John would never forgive himself.

“He’ll need a record. Something small. Petty theft and maybe some vandalism,” Barsad says.

“We can ask Gordon for a favor,” John replies. “You think I should ask Mark then?”

“Not if you’re not comfortable with it, Nightwing.” Barsad answers.

“How could anyone be comfortable with sending a kid into this?” John asks.  
Barsad gives him a look. “An untrained kid,” John amends.

“We can think of something else, but the timing is really good now, Nightwing,” Barsad replies. 

He is looking over the city. It’ll be dawn in less than an hour. They should go home.

“I know,” John says.

“Ask him tomorrow then,” Barsad replies and leaps from the rooftop. John follows smoothly.


	14. Nine

**~nine~**  
Barsad isn't fond of sending an untrained kid undercover, but it's not like they have a chance and sometimes the tough decisions need to be made. Nightwing has implanted a tracker under Mark's skin so they will know at every moment where he is. Mark hadn't even hesitated when Nightwing had asked him if he had wanted to help and when he brought John into it, the kid had pretty much been sold. People believe in Batman, but the citizens of Gotham like Nightwing.

Barsad smiles and catches the Batarang that had just been thrown at his head. It's one of the dull ones they use for training. Jason's aim is perfect.  
“You're reflexes are still freaking good,”Jason says.

“I wasn't idle,” Barsad replies, turning around to look at his son. Jason looks good, fit and Barsad knows he's itching to be on the streets again. He is training with Tim and John, sometimes with Bruce, but never with Dick. Barsad wants to know why, but he isn't going to push, that is not how their relationship works.

“You were reading me children's books,” Jason says, there is a tiny smile at the corners of his lips.

“Did you like them?”Barsad wants to know.

Jason shrugs. “They were better than the stuff you read me in German and it must have been really simple, because my German sucks, B.”

Barsad smiles. “John likes them.”

“John would,” Jason says, running a hand through his hair.   
Jason clearly wants to talk about something with him, so Barsad waits him out. His clues and statements can wait for a bit longer. “I get why you got Dick involved,” Jason says eventually. “I know it seemed like a good idea at the time and I know that you weren't thinking clearly, because I was in a coma. And I know that Tim tends to rely on logic only. It's how he is. But it still hurts like fuck that he is at your side and I am stuck here.”

“He is only a replacement until you can be at my side again, Jason,” Barsad says.

“I know. And that is fucked up too. Because he so clearly loves it. I've seen the videos Tim recorded. This life, that is Dick's idea of fun,” Jason replies.

“Because he hasn't seen the really bad part yet,” Barsad says.

“And that is exactly it, B. He has no idea.” He looks at Barsad then. “You sacrificed Dick for me.”

Barsad suppresses a wince. He knew of course that Jason would see right through it, Jason knows that there is nothing, really nothing, Barsad wouldn't do for him.  
“He helped us, he helped Tim too, it wasn't only that we needed to show strength,” Barsad says.

“I know, but this has fucked him up.”

“It did. I tried to tell him to quit,” Barsad says.

“I guess it isn't too late when you're still alive. Do you want me to quit?” Jason asks suddenly.

“Yes, yes I do. I want you to be safe, Jason,” Barsad replies, “But I know that it won't happen. I can't tell you to stay home and fight the likes of Crane and Joker every night myself.”

“You don't fight the likes of Joker and Crane every night, B. It was, up to my accident, pretty smooth sailing.” Jason says, but he stumbles over the word 'accident'. Jason doesn't know what to call his near escape from death and Barsad can't blame him. He doesn't know either.

“And it will be again, once Doctor Crane is locked up and the Joker is gone.”

“So, you will kill him?” Jason asks.

“I've done it before and he is someone who really deserves it.”

“One could argue that he is insane, B.”

“One could argue that you and I are too,” Barsad answers.

That gets him a real smile. “We are crazy, no doubt, but I don't think we're insane.”

“You don't want me to kill him?” Barsad asks. He had thought that Jason would agree with him on that matter, so he had never asked. But maybe Bruce has rubbed off on him.

“Honestly? I don't know. I don't think there will be anyone who will shed a fucking tear once he's gone, but do we have the right to execute him? Aren't we better than that? Haven't we sworn to protect and uphold the law?”

“I think you confuse us with John,” Barsad answers mildly. “We, I am not operating within the law, Jason. I do think he is a rabid dog and needs to be put down. The city gave him a chance by locking him away in Arkham. He broke out, so clearly the facility isn't fit to hold him. And the first thing he does is nearly kill you, Jason. And I listened to the recording-”

“Of course you did,” Jason cuts in.

“So I know that he enjoyed it. It's his idea of a good time. He doesn't care for a child's life, Jason. He burns everything in his way.”

“Would you let him live, if I asked you to?” Jason asks.

“Probably, but I can't guarantee he would be in any condition to enjoy his life in Arkham.”

“If you take a crowbar to his head, I won't stop you. I don't want revenge. I want justice, B.” Jason says.

Barsad nods.  
   
~+~  
Mark gets into Crane's merry band of criminals easily enough. It does help that he knows one of the older boys who are working the streets. Barsad wonders sometimes if Jason would have ended up like this too, if Barsad hadn't found him or if he were dead by now. He is fiercely glad that Jason had decided to trust him all those years ago.  
Jason is the one who swaps information with Mark on the streets. He isn't associated with John and he looks differently now too. He has died his hair a shocking purple, has fake tattoos all over his arms and back and a real piercing. Barsad suspects that a tattoo will be done for real, once this is all over. Jason, as he grows up, seems the type for it.

“A bat, I think,” Jason grins as Barsad asks about it.

“You are surely joking, Master Jason,” Alfred says from the stove where he is cooking dinner for them all. Barsad wishes he would have more time to start cooking again.

“No, not really,” Jason answers, tracing an abstract design on his arm. “I think it would fit. I mean, it all started with him after all.”

One could argue that, Barsad thinks, maybe it all had started with Ra's for him. But for Jason it maybe had started with Batman, without Batman Barsad wouldn't have come to town, without Batman there would be no Nightwing and Shadow. So maybe a bat is fitting after all.

“Not his logo,” Barsad says.

Jason grins. “No, not his logo. Something a bit more twisted, I think”

“You have my blessing,” Barsad says.

“I would have done it anyway. Because I am a rebel,” Jason grins.  
Barsad has the absurd impulse to reach over and ruffle his hair, he gives him a look instead.  
“Rebel,” Jason repeats and again. “Rebel.”

“Boys” Alfred says, long-suffering.

Barsad can only nod in agreement.  
   
~+~  
Barsad hands over the evidence on Crane they have so far to Gordon and Gordon nods his thanks, taking a drag of his ever present cigarette.

“It's not much yet. He is planning something against John Blake and those that are close to him,” Barsad says, which would also include Bruce. Especially, Bruce and Tim are in danger.

“I appreciate you keeping me and my men in the loop, Shadow.”

“It's how we work now,” Nightwing says.

“I will be glad once Doctor Crane is behind bars again. With him and the Joker on the loose, the whole department is in a state, and the normal criminals aren't sleeping either. If anything petty crime has gone up again, due to so many detectives working on the Joker case,” Gordon sighs. It's clear as day that this isn't his idea and that he doesn't agree with the orders from his superiors.

“It should be over soon, Commissioner,” Nightwing assures him. At least Doctor Crane won't be a threat for much longer. We don't know where he is but we have someone inside, and will know soon.”

Gordon nods.

“We will keep you posted,” Shadow says. He doesn't wait for Gordon's answer. He has an appointment with Rat.  
   
~+~  
Rat doesn't show up. Shadow waits for over two hours and he doesn't show up. It doesn't sit well with Shadow. Rat always shows up.  
He's in it for the money and Shadow pays well.  
He could try to find someone else to give him information on Rat, but it could be counterproductive.  
He decides to call it an early night.  
   
~+~  
“Can't sleep,” Jason says before Barsad can even ask the question. “You're back early.”

“Decided to call it a night.”

“Something didn't pan out, hmm?” Jason replies.

“Yes, something didn't pan out, so I thought I'll bake you something.”

“I'm up anyway, so we can finally make that Baklava,” Jason says.

Barsad knows why Jason can't sleep: he has gotten used to having someone with him, but it messes him up being so dependent on someone especially when he is sleeping and the most vulnerable. It's against his better judgment and nature.  
“We can,” Barsad says, because they even have all the ingredients here. Barsad keeps them stocked at all times.

“Let me wash my hands and make some more coffee.”

“You could go for a swim in the pool,” Barsad says.

“You think I'm getting fat?” Jason asks, while he's washing his hands.

“You aren't, if anything you are still too thin,” Barsad replies.

“You know all the right things to say, B. Good thing it's never been your mission to charm a woman,” Jason says. Barsad looks at the back of his head. “I can feel that, B. What is it?”

“It's about you charming the girls,” Barsad says. He's heard about it, of course. Jason doesn't do more than flirt and make out on benches, but Barsad doesn't know why, because he clearly has some kind of feelings for Dick and Tim.

“They are easy, they like to have me around. The light version of me. The one without all the baggage. It's nothing serious,” Jason says, drying his hands. “So? Baklava?”

Barsad can take a hint. This one is drawn in big neon-letters. “We need nuts and sugar, butter too,” he says.

“On it, B!”  
   
~+~  
Rat's body is found the next morning close to the sewers. His lips are painted red and his nails green. It's a message.

“This was found in his pocket. Neatly folded,” Gordon says, handing him an evidence bag.  
It's a piece of paper. An unfinished hangman game has been drawn in crayon. The ‘R' and ‘D’ are left blank, but the intent is clearly Red Hood. Barsad is tempted to crumble it, or burn it and the city to smoke the Joker out. “I thought you should know this,” Gordon adds.

“Thank you commissioner,”Barsad replies.

“The man was one of your informants, wasn't he?” Gordon asks.

“Yes and now he's dead, because he was trying to do the right thing, even if it was for the wrong reasons. I'm taking this and will give it back tomorrow night.”

“Sure,” Gordon replies easily. He knows by now that his evidence will be returned to him in pristine condition. “Look after that boy of yours. It's personal for him now.”

“It has been personal for me since he touched Red Hood for the first time,” Shadow hisses.

Gordon takes a drag of his cigarette. “I don't want to know anything.”

Barsad nods. “I will be in touch commissioner.”

“Shadow,” Gordon says.  

Barsad had wanted to take Jason out again tomorrow night, but that has pretty much been canceled. He thinks, maybe, he shouldn't take any of them. It's too dangerous.  


	15. Interlude IV: Tim

**Interlude IV: Tim**  
   
“Man, you are so fucking awed by him,” Jason breathes into his ear. 

Tim suppresses a shudder. “Jealous?” 

“He is wearing my suit,” Jason muses as they’re watching Dick on the rings. 

“Is that a yes?” Tim asks, not giving in and turning around to look at Jason. Jason has been different since he has woken up. He isn’t so closed off. It’s a bit strange, but Tim thinks he likes it.  

“It’s a ‘no fucking comment’,” Jason laughs and grabs onto Tim, spins him around. “Come on, we need to do something fun and my idea of fun isn’t necessarily to watch, Dick, show off,” Jason says and the last part of the sentence is spoken louder, so Dick would hear. 

“What is your idea of fun?” 

“Jumping from rooftops, but I’m not allowed to do that,” Jason says, still holding on to Tim’s wrists. 

“Hmm…”

“We’re going to get ice-cream in the park. You and I,” Jason says.

“What? I have things to do!” 

“Yeah, entertain me. I am fucking bored and besides,” Jason says, letting go of Tim, he’s grinning, “Street-performers,” he finishes. 

It’s not the street-performers that make Tim nod his head in agreement. It’s the fact that Jason asked him to do something with him. “Okay. Let me grab my jacket.” 

“Already in the car,” Jason says. 

“Sure of yourself, weren’t you?” Tim teases. 

“Well, what boy doesn’t love ice-cream and street-performers?” 

“It’s still winter, Jason…” Tim says. 

“What boy doesn’t love ice-cream and street-performers?” Jason asks again. 

Tim sighs. “Fine, you win.” 

“Of course,” Jason replies and grabs his hand. “Come on!” 

Tim follows.   
   
~+~  
“Hey, Drake!” Jason says from the car. 

Tim looks at him and then runs up to the car. “I have my own driver, Boris, over there?” Tim says with a nod in Boris’ direction. Boris is looking a bit nervously at them. Tim knows Boris really can’t stand teenagers. 

“As we had so much fun the other day,” Jason says grinning, “I thought I’d pick you up and we do it again.” 

“Ice-cream in the park?” 

“You liked the swings,” Jason says, just loud enough for him to hear. 

Tim had liked the swings, likes the swings, will always like the swings, because they give him a feeling of weightlessness. It’s a bit like flying. “Ruin my reputation, why don’t you?” 

“I could do that,” Jason says leaning in. “A lot easier,” he grins, and his lips are so close and Tim wants this. He wants that kiss, that one perfect kiss, and he wants it to be with Jason (or Dick…), but-

“Stop messing with me,” he says, shoving Jason, but not too hard. 

Jason laughs and Tim can feel the other student’s gazes on them. “Fine. Are you coming or not?” 

“Let me tell Boris,” Tim answers, because of fucking course he’s coming with. He had missed Jason. Jason seems to be the only one who treats him like a…not a kid, but according to his age. 

It’s nice. With Jason he doesn’t have to be strong or smart or whatever…he can just be Tim Drake, nearly fifteen.   
   
~+~  
Jason ambushes him the next week before he can go down to the cave and drags him off to the movies, because he thinks Tim doesn’t have enough fun. Tim doesn’t have enough fun. He is working with John on the Crane case, as is Jason for that matter. 

“Horror?”

“It’s education, Tim,” Jason says, buying him popcorn and M&M’s. He shoves the sweets at Tim and gets something to drink as well. 

“I don’t think Bruce would approve of all this junkfood…” Tim says, looking down at it all. 

Jason buys chips as well. “He needs to take a page out of B’s book. It has to be a healthy mix of both. The green stuff and this!” 

“Okay…” 

“Come on Tim, a night of blood, gore and vampires awaits us!”

“Oh, gosh! I am so excited!” Tim replies and is rewarded with another laugh. 

Tim is so fucking fucked.   
   
~+~  
Tim is glad that Jason is spending time with him, but he can’t stop wondering if it’s only so he doesn’t have to face his feelings for Dick. Because he clearly has some kind of feelings for Dick.   
Tim has seen him sneaking into Dick’s room at night. He has been tempted to install a camera in Dick’s room just so he could be sure what they are doing, but it would be too big of an invasion.   
Dick is messed up about it too.   
Tim can see it in the way he looks at Jason sometimes at breakfast or dinner or when they’re watching a movie with John and Mr Barsad. Sometimes even with Bruce.   
Tim wonders if Jason would stop sleeping in Dick’s bed if he knew about him and Dick, or if he could sleep in Tim’s bed instead. But then, Tim thinks, he wouldn’t be able to sleep a minute with Jason lying beside him.   
Sometimes, he’s tempted to tell Jason that he slept with Dick, it would be selfish and cruel, but…it would move things. He feels helpless and stagnant when it comes to his feelings for Jason and also for Dick. Sometimes, he even feels jealous or spiteful towards Dick, which he is well aware is childish as fuck. You can’t make someone love you.   
It has to happen on its own.  
   
~+~  
Jason leans against the desk in the cave and looks at him. 

“Okay?” Tim asks. Jason had just come back from an information run. Mark is a really good informant. Tim is sure soon they will be able to send Gordon after Crane. They still don’t know where Crane is hiding exactly, but at least they have an inside man and information on his plans. 

“I’m so fucking done with this,” he says, running a hand through his pink hair. There are fake tattoos on his forearm too. Tim thinks they suite him. 

“I’m done here as well, wanna…I don’t know? Do something childish again?” Tim asks. 

Jason grins at him. “You say the sweetest things, but no. Spar with me?” 

“Sure,” Tim says and watches as Jason starts taking of his street clothes. There are fake tattoos all over his body. Tim’s fingers itch to trace them. 

“You can, you know?” 

“What?” Tim asks, his gaze snapping to Jason’s face. His eyes look softer somehow. 

“Touch them,” Jason answers. 

“I…” Tim says, hesitating. He doesn't know. Why is Jason always messing with him? Just because he looks like a kid? He balls his hands to fists at his sides. He’s suddenly angry with Jason like he rarely gets. “Why are you messing with me? You have to know-”

Jason reaches out and Tim steps back. “Hey, I’m not. You looked like you wanted to touch them, they don’t feel different from my other skin. I trace them quite often, actually, too.”

Tim’s mind flashes to that for a second. “That’s not what I mean,” he says quietly. 

“I know,” Jason replies and his voice sounds soft. 

Tim reaches out then and puts his palm to Jason’s chest, feels his heartbeat strong and steady and closes his eyes. “I’m in love with you,” he whispers. 

“I know,” Jason says.


	16. Interlude V: Jason

**Interlude V: Jason**  
   
Tim’s fifteenth birthday is a quite affair. Alfred makes dinner and a great cheese cake with berries, which is apparently Tim’s favorite. Jason hadn’t known that. It’s a rather simple cake, he thinks he could bake that thing himself.   
Jason had been thinking about what to get Tim, but he’s come up blank and the only thing that would make sense…he isn’t sure he should.   
He watches Tim with Dick and lets all the other times he has watched Tim with Dick play out in his head. There is something off now. He can’t put his finger on, because they are still friends, are still joking and talking and playing chess – Jason’s seen it.   
But when they spar and Tim pins Dick down there is something in Dick’s eyes for the briefest of moments. Like he has to restrain himself not to do something, thrust up, maybe? Jason knows that Dick has a thing for people who can hold him down. He remembers Dick’s breathe hitching when Jason had done it before on accident.   
But, but Jason knows Dick would never take advantage of Tim’s crush like that. That is the reason why Jason is still debating if he should give Tim what he wants the most. Jason is not sure about his own feelings when it comes to Tim.   
It was easier before, because he just didn’t know. Before Tim had just been a kid, but he isn’t a kid anymore. He is growing into a young man and fast and he is scarily efficient. If he weren’t so small no one would even question his age, Jason thinks. He seems older than his fifteen years.   
Dick kisses his cheek as he gives Tim his present and Tim smiles at him and Jason…Jason feels something in his belly tighten. It just may be jealousy.   
   
~+~  
He finds Tim later on the balcony where the Robins like to hang out. He sits down in a chair close to Tim’s and looks at them too. 

“Alfred fed them so they’ll stay at your window,” Tim says quietly. 

“He still feeds them,” Jason says. He’s seen it too, but hadn’t asked about it. 

“Everyone thought it meant something, that you would rather watch the Robins play outside than the TV,” Tim replies. It’s a question too. 

“It probably did. I can’t really remember, but I guess-”

“You called me Robin. You gave me my name, Jason, and my identity…”

Jason can feel Tim’s gaze on him, but he still looks straight ahead. “I don’t know what you want from me,” Jason says honestly. 

“Nothing you can’t give,” Tim sighs. 

Jason wonders if Tim knows that Jason is sleeping in Dick’s bed. Most likely. It hurts him for sure. Jason hadn’t thought that Tim would just confess his love, that he would say it, that he would make Jason face it. It makes things different now, more complicated. 

“There is something I want you to have, but don’t know if I should give it now,” Jason says. But then life is such a fragile thing, who would know better than them? 

“If you’re not sure,” Tim says, “Keep it a bit longer then.” 

Jason grabs his hand and they stay like this for a bit longer.   
   
~+~  
The thing with Tim and Dick is constantly on Jason’s mind.   
He turns a bit in Dick’s bed, so he can look at Dick in the darkness. He isn’t sleeping. 

“I can feel you looking at me,” Dick says. 

“It’s because, I’m looking at you,” Jason replies playfully. 

Dick turns on his side so he can see Jason better. Jason can feel Dick’s breath on his skin. Can smell him too. Toothpaste and that unique sleep-warm smell that he associates with Dick at night now.  
“Jason…” Dick says. 

“Why are you letting me do this?” Jason asks. 

“What?” 

“Sleep here, invade your space?” 

“I invaded yours first,” Dick answers. 

“Ah, so this is your way of making reparations,” Jason says and doesn’t know why he feels angry about it.  

Dick picks up on it. Jason knows because Dick lets his hand brush Jason’s stomach gently. “It’s not that. Not only. I like it. I like having someone sleep beside me. I like having you sleep beside me, because I like you Jason.” 

“You don’t even know me. I told you lies the whole time we were friends before,” Jason says.   
Dick doesn’t take his hand away and Jason doesn’t ask him too. He doesn’t know what it means. 

“I don’t think you only told me lies. You sent me stupid videos and you kept in touch and…I know this is messed up, okay? I know…” he sighs and Jason can feel that too on his lips and he wants...to lean in maybe. “And I probably made you up in my mind. The person I thought you were, but I like the person you are now too,” Dick adds. His fingers against Jason’s stomach are painting random patterns and Jason likes that. He bites his lip as Dick lets it slip a bit further down. 

“Dick,” he says and doesn’t know if it’s a warning or encouragement. 

“They kept telling me, hinting really, that you don’t like to be touched, but you touch Tim all the time,” Dick says. 

“Are you jealous?” Jason asks. 

“Yes,” Dick admits. “Yes, Jason, I am jealous.” And he lets his hand slide up and over Jason’s hip and rests it there firmly. “You sleep here, but when I wake up you’re gone and you don’t…acknowledge what is happening.” 

“Because there is nothing happening, Dick. I just sleep here, because I can’t sleep alone anymore. Thanks to you.” 

“I guess I should be sorry for that,” Dick says wryly. 

“But you aren’t.” 

Dick’s fingers curl harder around Jason’s hip. Jason bites his lip. He isn’t sure he likes it, he isn’t sure he doesn’t like it. There is a long scar on his hip and Dick’s fingers brush it gently where his t-shirt has ridden up. “Sometimes I am. This is maddening, Jason. You have to know that.” 

“I’m not trying to be a tease,” Jason says firmly. 

“You’re crawling into my bed every damn night Jason-”

“You want me to go?” Jason cuts in sharply. 

Dick’s fingers dig into his skin. He gasps and Dick scoots forward, letting go until he’s only stroking Jason’s hip lightly. “No, and you know it.” 

“What do you want then?” 

“More,” Dick says. 

“What does that even mean?” Jason demands, but is cut off when Dick presses his lips against Jason’s. Jason pushes him away and just breathes for a minute. 

“At least you didn’t punch me or turn away,” Dick whispers. 

“So, what you want to do is fuck me?” Jason says.   
Dick takes his hand away, but Jason grabs it and presses it to his cock. He isn’t hard. 

“It’s not that: I want to be with you.” 

“Maybe I’m just not into guys,” Jason says. 

“Why is my hand on your cock then?” Dick asks and lets his fingers curl around it for emphasis. “Is this a challenge? Do you want me to get you off?” 

Maybe, maybe, Jason thinks, for a brief wild moment and then Dick sits up, turns Jason in one fluid move, so Jason is on his back, caged by Dick’s body, with Dick’s fingers curled around his cock and he panics, because no. He pushes him away. Dick flops down next to him and doesn’t touch.   
After a few moments Jason gets out of bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Dick whispers. 

“For what? You can’t help how you feel. I can’t help how I feel either.” 

“Is it because you like Tim after all?” Dick asks. 

Maybe, Jason thinks, but the honest to god truth is: he doesn’t fucking know. 

~+~  
“Things are pretty fucked up between me and Dick right now,” Jason says as Barsad hands him a mug of tea. They had a meeting just ten minutes ago with John and Tim regarding the Crane case. It seems like Crane will come out of hiding soon. Mark is pretty confident. John wants to pull him out. The verdict it still out on that one. 

“You want to talk about it?” 

“Yes?” He says and then firmer. “Yes I do. I mean...” 

Barsad smiles. “What is it about Dick that you can’t deal with?” 

“His love,” Jason says quietly. 

“Tim is in love with you and you handle that just fine,” Barsad says. 

“Tim doesn’t demand things from me. He makes me face his feelings, but doesn’t demand I act on them.” 

“Does Dick pressure you into anything?” 

“He…he kissed me again two nights ago and I wasn’t fast enough, or whatever, to turn away. He had his hand on my hip and on my cock and he-” Jason stops, takes a sip of his tea to calm his nerves and continues with, “Was ready to jerk me off…or more. I don’t know. The thing is, I know he’s done it before. I only made out with a few girls after I woke up. There are years I didn’t want any of this. But now I’m not so sure. I like to get off…at least alone,” he stares into his mug as he finishes.

“Jason,” Barsad says gently and Jason looks at him. “Do you have feelings for Dick?” 

“Maybe…” Jason says. “Maybe I have feelings for Tim.” 

Barsad looks at him long and hard. “Could it be that you have feelings for both of them?” He asks. 

Hmm, Jason thinks. Could he have… “Maybe?” He puts his mug down and his head in his hands. “What am I going to do about that?” 

Barsad hugs him to his chest and Jason leans into it. Barsad has always been the only safe person to be physical with. But now there was Dick, with whom Jason has been sleeping with and Tim with whom he liked to…well be affectionate without really thinking about it. But then Tim had always been safe too. Jason had always let him touch. The thing that has changed, Jason realizes is that he likes to touch Tim in return.   
   
~+~  
Jason is watching Tim and Dick spar again from the stairs. Tim is fast and deadly, but he lacks the grace and fluidly that Dick possesses. Watching them is like watching a deadly dance. He couldn’t say who was better matched. Dick obviously has a few tricks up his sleeve, but then Tim exploits every single weakness he sees. It still looks playful when they spar. 

Dick makes Tim stumble and is on him in seconds, pins him down, but Tim only grins and Jason knows that Bruce had shown him a new trick. Something that works great with his body type. And moments later Dick is pinned to the mat, face down this time. He goes stiff for a moment and then pliant when Tim leans down and whispers something into his ear. 

And it hits Jason then, suddenly all the dots connect. He has no idea why it took him so long to see it. It’s all there in their body language. It’s not as screaming as it’s with John and Bruce, but it’s there. 

Dick and Tim had sex.

~+~  
Jason knows that it would be smarter to talk with Tim about it, but to be honest he wants the confrontation. Dick had kissed him only a few days ago, Dick had tried to seduce him only a few days ago, Dick had admitted to being jealous only a few days ago, so what the fuck?   
He grabs Dick by the arm and drags him into his room. 

“What?” 

“You need to watch the corners, John always tells you that,” Jason hisses and lets go of Dick’s arm. 

“Okay? A bit dramatic to drive a point home, don’t you think?” 

Jason takes a few steps back, because he can feel the anger and jealousy coiling inside him. He doesn’t want to hurt Dick – much. He only wants an explanation and maybe fuck Dick’s face up for taking advantage of Tim’s feelings.

“I trusted you,” Jason says looking him straight in the eyes. 

“I don’t under-”

“With Tim!” Jason hisses. “I trusted you with Tim.” 

“It’s not what you think,” Dick says. 

“So you didn’t sleep with him?” Jason demands. 

Dick closes his eyes briefly. “We got off once. Fully clothed. Only once,” he repeats. 

“When I was-” he waves his hand. 

“Yes.” 

“But why? I thought you…you said you want more. What does it mean when you seduce Tim?! For fuck’s sake, who had only been fourteen at the time!” He balls his hands to fists.  

“It means that I want to be with you. It means that I want to kiss you, to touch you, to-, yes, Jason, fuck you pretty much since the first time I saw you.” 

“Why sleep with Tim then? Because he was there? Because you felt lonely? Because you knew he wouldn’t say no to you?” 

“Because he loves you too!” 

“So, you fuck Tim up because he loves me and because you’re jealous and lonely.” 

Dick sits down on one of the chairs and puts his head in his hands. “I was lonely. He was lonely too and he was the only person who knew how it felt-” 

“HOW it felt?” 

“To be in love with you,” Dick says. 

“Dick, for fuck’s sake! Tim knows me. We grew up together more or less. You don’t know me. You…how can you be in love with me?” 

“That is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. Like I can explain it! I can’t. It is. I am,” Dick answers, looking at him. “And I think you like me too,” he adds getting up and coming closer. 

Jason stands his ground. “What did you do with Tim?” 

“I told you-” 

“I want to know. Exactly what you did,” Jason cuts in. 

“We were on the sofa and he let me cuddle and one thing lead to another. I was kissing his neck, he pinned me down – I like that.”

“I know,” Jason cuts in. 

“He didn’t look at me when he ground down against my cock. I watched him the whole time. He is…he’s fucking beautiful, all that soft skin and earnest face and deadly lean body. And it’s awe-inspiring to make him lose it, that tight composure of his.” 

Jason grabs him by the too tight t-shirt and then drags him closer. “You didn’t kiss him?” 

Dick looks away. “No…” 

“You are such an asshole, Grayson. It was his first time and you didn’t even kiss him.”

“I didn’t know it was his first time! How could I have known? He didn’t say a word, he was so in control-”

“And you like for guys to take control. To pin you down, shove you against a wall or to your knees?” 

Dick’s eyes flash with something between arousal and anger. “Why don’t you find out?” He challenges. 

Jason lets go of his t-shirt and smiles. “I will do what you’ve done to Tim,” he says. 

“This is not a game!” Dick explodes. 

“Should have thought about it before you were toying with Tim’s feelings!” 

“Tim can take care of himself,” Dick says. 

He’s so present, Jason thinks, so there in mind and body and he grabs Dick’s shirt again. He likes how it bunches between his fingers, he likes how it shuts Dick up, makes his eyes narrow and his lips open: shiny and wet and inviting. And boy, Jason is into boys after all. 

Jason leans in and kisses his neck and Dick shudders, so Jason does it again and then opens his mouth to suck on it and graze it with his teeth. Dick makes a noise deep in his throat that Jason can feel and yes, this does it for Jason.   
“You want to get me off?” Jason asks against Dick’s skin. 

“Yes,” Dick says and it’s mostly only a whisper. 

Jason shoves him onto the bed and settles on his thighs. “Clothes stay on,” Jason says.

“Okay…” Dick replies. His breath hitches when Jason thrusts against him gently. He lets Dick touch him, lets him sneak his hands under Jason’s t-shirt, lets him explore his warm skin and bites his lip to keep in whatever stupid words want out. He rocks against Dick’s trapped cock and Dick rocks back and soon they have a slow rhythm going. Jason doesn’t pin him down, but he looks at Dick’s face the whole time until he comes. Unexpected, hard, sudden. Dick’s fingers tighten on his hips and he trusts a few times more, less gently and comes too. Jason can feel him stiffen and then go boneless. 

He leans down and looks at Dick, his lips hovering over Dick’s. “You should have kissed him,” he whispers. “Then I could have kissed you now too.” 

“Jason…” Dick says and it’s really only a plea. 

“Same rights for everyone, like the German like to say.” Jason replies and leans back. 

“Does that mean that you do with me whatever I do with Tim?” 

“It means,” Jason says, “I do whatever I do with you with Tim too.” Because just now, Jason has made a decisions.


	17. Interlude VI: Dick

**Interlude VI: Dick**

Dick can’t stop thinking about Jason, about his voice and his body and the things he said.  
Jason is going to do everything to him, with him, that Dick does with Tim. It’s fucked up. Dick wants so badly into Jason’s pants that it hurts and he’s wanted it for so long and… He looks at Tim quietly reading the last report Jason and Mark wrote up on the Crane case.  
Jason fucked me over good, he thinks. How can he rush into something with Tim? He wants to kiss Tim badly, but he isn’t sure it’s because it’s Tim, and Dick fucking likes Tim, had the one or other wet dream about him too after they got off together, or if it’s because he knows Jason won’t go back on his word.

“Dick,” Tim says, putting the report aside.

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been staring at me,” Tim says.

“I was just staring,” Dick replies. He isn’t sure why he thinks it’s even worth to try and bullshit Tim. Tim gives him a look that tells him he doesn’t know either why Dick tries. “I was thinking about the time we got off,” Dick admits.

“Oh…” Tim says. It’s a small and soft sound and Dick can’t stop staring at his lip.

“I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you. I should have kissed you,” Dick says and he means it. He should have kissed Tim for Tim’s sake.

“You didn’t know it was my first time getting off with someone.”

“Because you lie with your body,” Dick replies. Tim stiffens slightly. “I can read body language pretty well, it’s a requirement when you’re an acrobat, or maybe it comes just naturally, doesn’t matter. Point is I can read people well, but you…you blindsided me. Not for one second did I think you’ve never done it before.”

“But even if I’ve done it before,” Tim says looking at him, “You could’ve kissed me. Isn’t it what people do?”

Autsch, Dick thinks. It is what people do. Dick has no idea why he hadn’t kissed Tim back then. “I don’t have an excuse or an explanation,” Dick says. “But I am sorry I didn’t kiss you back then.”

“Okay,” Tim says. “Thanks Dick.” Tim picks up the report again and that’s just- Dick doesn’t know. He wants to make things right with Tim again, but he doesn’t know how.

“Why aren’t you angry at me?” He asks.

Tim looks back at him. “Why should I be? I lied with my body, I deceived you in some way. I wanted it too. It’s not your fault.”

“Jason sure thinks it is,” Dick says.

“He figured it out then, hmm? And he didn’t punch you in the face,” Tim replies, looking him over. His eyes fix on the forming bruise on Dick's neck. Usually it’s hidden by his hair, but Tim had been looking for something and that is the only visible mark Jason left on him.

“It was punishment,” Dick says covering the bruise with his hand.

“Punishment?” Tim asks, disbelief clear in his voice.

“Yes,” Dick answers. “He only let me do what I did to you.”

“That is so…”

“Messed up?”

“Jason,” Tim says.

“He said he would copy whatever I do with you with me,” Dick confesses.

“And that’s why you’ve been staring at me the last two days,” Tim states. “It is a punishment.”

“Yes,” Dick says, looking at him. “It is. It’s hard to do the right thing here.”

“What would be the right thing, Dick?”

“Not to touch you, I think…but-”

“If you do, he will let you touch him,” Tim finishes.

Dick bites his lip. “Yes, but also. He will do with you whatever he does with me, because Jason believes that the same rules apply to everyone here.”

Tim laughs, but it sounds harsh and broken. “Is that why you’re sorry you didn’t kiss me?!”

“No, it’s not Tim. I know how it looks now, but it’s really not,” Dick says.

Tim nods, but Dick doesn’t think he believes him. “This is a test, Dick. But I am not sure I don’t want you to fail,” Tim replies after a short silence.

Dick nods.  
   
~+~  
He watches Jason get out of his undercover clothes. Watches the fake tattoos move as he strips. And all he wants to do it run his fingers over them and over Jason’s skin. All the scars there he knows the Joker left him with.

“You’re staring,” Jason says.

“I’ve done this to Tim too,” Dick replies.

“Staring?” Jason asks, as he turns around, pulling a clean t-shirt over his head. It’s a shame to see the tattoos go. They suite Jason.

“Yes,” Dick answers.

Jason sighs. “It’s only a sex-rule, Dick.”

“I know that, but it’s not only sex for me. You have to know that. You have to know that it can’t ever be only sex with you for Tim either,” Dick says.

“I know.”

“That is why you’re doing what you’re doing!” Dick realizes. “Fuck you, seriously. I won’t be the one to decide this for you! You have to figure your shit out. Tim is in love with you, I am in love with you. What about you?”

Jason shrugs. “I don’t know. Before the, before I got my head bashed in. I would have gone with Tim, because before I got my head bashed in I wasn’t interested in having sex with people and Tim had been young. Is still young.”

“What about now?”

“Now?” Jason says wryly. “Now I am messed up.”  

“Jason.”

“What?” Jason asks.

“I’m running out of time.”

“Your folks want to know when you will be back,” Jason says.

“Yes and I miss them, but I would stay for you.”

“That’s such bullshit, Dick. You can’t make your happiness depend on someone else. You have to decide this for yourself. I can’t tell you I will love you tomorrow or in a few weeks or in a few years. I may never love you back like you want me to.” He steps forward then so Dick can feel his body heat, faint but there. “I may never love you back like you want me to,” he repeats. “You have to weigh your options carefully.”

Dick nods, he knows that. Barsad had told him the same thing. Jason steps away and Dick grabs his hand on instinct. Jason looks at Dick’s fingers around his wrist. “You let Tim touch them,” he whispers.

“I did,” Jason says. “It wasn’t anything sexual.”

“This isn’t either, Jason,” Dick replies, drawing circles with his thumb on Jason’s wrist. Jason sighs and then pulls away.

“Make a decision, Dick,” he says.

“Could give that right back,” Dick replies, but the truth is, he thinks that Jason has actually made one.   
   
~+~  
Dick doesn’t know what to do. Jason is obviously getting better. They even let him out again. True, only undercover to swap information with Mark, but still. It’s only a matter of time until Jason will be allowed to wear the Red Hood suit once more.  
Barsad probably only waits for Crane and Joker to be locked up again. And as information regarding Joker are coming in daily, Dick doesn't think it will take much longer until Barsad finds him. Then Dick will have to give back the suit anyway. It isn’t his. He has no place here. Yet? Anymore?

Alfred puts a mug of tea in front of him and Dick looks up. “Thanks,” he says.

“Maybe a bowl of ice-cream would cheer you up, Master Dick?” He asks.

Dick smiles. “I wish it was that simple.”

Alfred waits for a few minutes and then just asks the question. “What is the matter, Master Dick?”

“I don’t know what to do,” he says, running a finger over the rim of the delicate mug. “I would like to stay here, but once Jason is wearing the Red Hood suit again what will my place even be?”

“You will still be a part of this family, Master Dick,” Alfred assures him. “You care for all of them, us,” he adds. “We know this. Some of us might not show it as much, but we all appreciate that you are here.” He squeezes Dick’s shoulder briefly. “Do not worry, Master Dick. This will always be your home away from your home.”

“Thanks Alfred,” Dick says and he feels better now. He still doesn’t know what to do, but he is sure now that even if he should go back to Haly’s he could come back here any time.


	18. Ten

**~ten~**

John wants to pull Mark out of the operation as soon as possible. But he knows that it would look suspicious if Mark should suddenly fail to show up. Crane would know that something was up. He isn't stupid.

“John,” Barsad says and there is something in his voice that John doesn't like. It makes his alarm bells ring.  
Barsad hands him an evidence bag. He is still in full Shadow outfit and there is barely contained rage in his movements. His whole body is screaming murder. John puts on the gloves and takes out the piece of paper. No wonder Barsad is in a state. “It's from him.” Barsad says.

“Yes,” John replies. It’s clearly from the Joker and he just made someone very dangerous angrier.

“Rat is dead. Was found today near the sewers-”

“Your informant,” John cuts in.

“Yes!” Barsad hisses, taking off his gauntlets and hood. He runs a hand through his hair. “I wanted to take Jason out on patrol. The boy is going crazy inside and the whole Tim and Dick issue isn’t helping in the slightest. But there is no way I can do that now. He is toying with me and I don't like it.”

“Don’t do anything rash,” John says.

“Like what? Blowing up the freaking city? Rat knew something, or knew of someone who knew something, or he wouldn't be dead.”

“You could blow up the freaking city,” John says mildly.

Barsad smiles wryly at him. “I tried that before, it didn't work.”

“I assume you were already in his apartment?” John asks.

“Of course. Nothing. He has a cousin that lives outside of town, but I wanted to get this to you before I visit her.”

“We should check with the police first.” 

“You think she's dead too?”

“You can never know with the Joker,” John says. Barsad nods and waits as John pulls up the police records of the last three days, searching for Rat's cousin.

“Nothing,” Barsad says. “She might still be alive and she might know something.”

“Be careful,” John says.

“Of course.”  
   
~+~  
“You're tense,” Bruce says, massaging his shoulders. 

John groans and lets his head fall on his chest. “This feels really good. Keep that up.”

Bruce laughs into his ear. “The case?” He asks.

“It's everything. The Crane case...Barsad and Joker. The kids-”

“The kids,” Bruce repeats, there is a smile in his voice. “You are parents. It's so surreal.”

“I know-” John groans again as Bruce digs his fingers in a bit harder and then leans in and kisses him behind his ear.

“You should come to bed,” he says in that tone that goes straight to John's cock. “I think you need-”

“A good hard fuck?” John cuts in.

Bruce's fingers tighten on his shoulders. “I can take care of that.”

John really needs a good hard fuck. Lately there hasn’t been much time for more than a few handjobs. He kisses Bruce’s knuckles and then gets up.  
   
Bruce slams him into the wall as soon as they’re in John’s bedroom. Their bedroom. Bruce’s kisses are bruising and hot and demanding. John gasps into his mouth between bites and licks. He is so hard already. It always gets to him when Bruce lets go like this. When he takes full control of everything, when he manhandles John and just…uses him. John loves it.  
Bruce opens John’s pants and tears them down with his boxers. John steps out of them and then let’s Bruce pull his shirt over his head. He’s naked and shivering with desire. Bruce kisses him again and presses a knee against John’s straining hard cock. John groans and Bruce bites his lip for it. He’s getting impatient he wants to feel Bruce inside him now. Hard and hot and perfect. His skin is itching with that sudden need.

“Bruce,” he says, it’s between a plea and a demand.

Bruce makes a harsh sound and turns him around so he’s facing the wall. Usually John likes it better when he can see Bruce’s face, but this is good too. This is maybe exactly what he needs right now. Bruce’s hand is heavy and solid around his neck. His legs are kicked apart and then he can feel Bruce’s cock sliding against his ass. Slick only with precome. Bruce, John realizes is still fully clothed.

“You look so wanton,” Bruce whispers harshly as he pushes one slick finger inside him. John must have lost a few seconds to the glorious haze, because he has no idea when Bruce even got the lube out.

John pushes against it. And Bruce adds another finger and then another just shortly after. It burns slightly, but it’s so good he moans loudly.  
“Bruce,” he says again and Bruce pulls his fingers out and pushes inside with one smooth thrust. It’s nearly choking John. He can’t breathe for a second with the intensity of it. Bruce doesn’t let him catch his breath. He fucks John hard and fast, pressing him into the wall with every thrust. John is sure there will be bruises on his hips from this. He doesn’t care.

John knows that Bruce can keep that up for some time, but he is desperate to come. He doesn’t want long and drawn out, he wants hard and fast and so good it hurts. Bruce knows that too, because he grabs John’s cock none too gently and begins jerking him off in rhythm with his thrusts. He bites at John’s shoulder when he comes and it triggers John’s own orgasm. He pants into his forearm as Bruce fucks them both through it. He’s ready to fall to his knees once Bruce pulls out.

Bruce gathers him into his arms and kisses his head gently.“Feeling better?” He asks.

“Feeling fucked out,” John grins against his neck. “And tired.”

Bruce laughs and drags him to the bed.  
John is out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow.  
   
~+~  
Mark disappears from their radar two days later. He hasn’t shown up to the meetings with Jason and that has been worrisome, but sometimes you just can’t get away.  
But when his tracker goes silent John knows that something is wrong.

“He might just be somewhere where it can’t transmit,” Barsad says. He is running a million options already in his head, John knows, because that is what Barsad does. He had had some luck with Rat’s cousin and it seems the situation is a little bit worse than they had thought. Rat’s cousin said she thinks the Joker and Doctor Crane are working together on something. John doesn’t like it. If it should be true they have been wrong all along. Joker is only obsessed with one person and that is the Batman. It might well be that he had seen Bruce at the crime-scene, that he had seen something. That the Joker now thinks that the Batman isn’t dead. He wants to lure Batman out of hiding. John isn’t having any of this.

“I don’t believe that for a second. Something is up,” John replies.

Barsad nods. “We have to shut him down and we have to do it now.”

“Yes,” John says.  
   
~+~  
Bruce isn’t happy about this. He thinks it’s rushed and foolish. Jason and Dick aren’t happy either, because they have been grounded. And they have to stay in the cave and wait.

“That’s such bullshit,” Jason says. “You will need us!”

“We want you to be safe,” Barsad replies.

Jason gives him a look. Long and hard. “This is personal for me too.”

“I know.”

“But I’m still grounded,” Jason hisses.

“Yes,” Barsad replies.

“Keep your comm link open at all times,” Bruce throws in and Tim nods.

“We will track you. You will report whenever you can. We don’t want to lose you,” he says.

“It will be fine, Tim,” John tries to assure him.

Tim only looks at him.  
There is really nothing else to say. John gets in the car, while Barsad gets on his bike.  
John just knows that this will be a hellish night.  
   
~+~  
Most of Crane’s crew is still at the hideout. Crane is gone. So is Mark.

Shadow makes the thugs talk while John looks around and reports back to the cave. “There are a lot of chemicals here,” he says and rattles off the names. “Give me everything you have on the stuff. As soon as you can.”

“This is a trap,” Tim says flatly.

“I know,” John replies.

“You should come back,” Tim insists.

It would be the logical, the smart thing to do, but John hadn’t been able to save Mark’s brother, he won’t fail Mark too. He had been the one to ask for this. He has a responsibility.  
“I can’t. And I’m not alone,” John replies.

There is stubborn silence for a few moments on the other end of the line. “We will get you the info on the chemicals as soon as we can. Robin out.”

“Crane took Mark. They don’t know why or where,” Barsad says. “I already called Gordon so the police can collect them.”

“Mark is a smart kid, he must have left a clue-” he looks around the house once more. He can’t give up hope. He can’t.  
Barsad is a silent companion. A Shadow at his side.

“Nightwing,” he says suddenly and John sprints up the stairs where he knows Barsad is.

Shadow points to a smudged chalk figure. It’s a bat.

John breathes easier. It means something. It means everything. The floorboard it’s drawn on is a bit loose. They pry it open and inside there is all the information Mark collected but hadn’t been able to get to them.  
They shift through them quickly. There are a few safe-houses Mark wrote down.

“Five in total,” Barsad says.

“We can suit up right the heck now,” Jason’s voice comes through the comm.

John wants to say no, but Barsad beats him to it with a quite: “Do it. Meet you at R-Point 45. “

“What the hell?” John asks.

“We need the help. So we can cover more ground, faster.”

“You’ll take Red Hood,” John says.

“Yes,” Barsad replies.

“So, that leaves…Red Hood to me,” John says wryly. He works well with Dick, it won’t be a problem and Barsad is right, they can cover more ground that way. He isn’t thrilled, but Mark’s life is probably at stake here. 

“Let’s go,” Barsad says, already heading for the bike.  
   
~+~  
Dick is in full Red Hood outfit as is Jason. It’s a bit surreal to be honest, but they don’t have time for this.

“Red Hood,” John says, looking at Dick. “You’re with me.”

Dick nods, squeezing Jason’s arm briefly. “Happy hunting,” he says gently and gets in the car.  
The first two houses are dead ends. They're burned out already. One of those, Shadow and Red Hood, have taken explodes right in their faces.

“Fuck,” Jason swears. “There was a shitload of chemicals in there. We have three injured men. Waiting for the paramedics.”

“Taking the fourth now then. Keep us posted,” John says. “Nightwing out.”

Dick is unusually silent in the car, but John doesn’t have the time to deal with it. If Dick wants this, this is his baptism of fire. The fourth house, which is located at the docks is burning as they approach. John calls the fire department and the paramedics to let them know that dangerous chemicals might be involved.

“Another dead end then,” Dick says, staring at the blazing fire. “What if we don’t find him?” He asks.

“We will find him,” John says.

Dick only nods.  
John lets Shadow and Red Hood know that they’re heading to the last one, outside the city. The location is eerily familiar. He should have realized it earlier. It’s an old abandoned school-building.

“Just pulled up the map,” Shadow says in his ear. “This doesn’t look well.”

“No,” John admits, it doesn’t.

“I said it before, but I’m not above saying it again: it’s a fucking trap,” Tim says.

“We know,” John replies. “Going in anyway. Will keep contact as best I can. Can you track us?”

“Yes,” Bruce answers.

“Good,” John says and gestures Dick to follow him.  
   
~+~  
They find Mark in the infirmary, drugged up, hysterical, but alive. John checks him over and the tracker is still where they had planted it. That means that something is preventing it from transmitting. It means that Bruce and Tim don’t know where Dick and John are inside the building.  

John knocks Mark out and looks to Dick. “Get him out of here.”

Dick scoops the boy up, but doesn’t leave. “What about you?”

“I know he’s here,” John answers.

“You know, Robin is right. This is a trap,” Dick says.

John traces the chalk design on the wall. It’s a sign. “I know. Get him out of here. Now.”

“I’ll be back,” Dick promises.

John only nods.  
   
~+~  
John knows exactly where he will find Crane. He isn’t wrong. The basement is old and dark and damp. It reminds him too much of the Johnny case.  
The fear gas doesn’t work on him, much. He can still keep a clear head. He makes his way through the labyrinth of tunnels and isn’t really surprised to find Doctor Crane waiting for him. The explosion above doesn’t surprise him much either.

“I knew you would come,” Crane says. He is mostly a voice in the dark. Since the occupation he’s even more insane.

“Why did you want me here?” John asks.

“Oh, little bird, it wasn’t me who wanted you here. See? I like to work for people, always did,” Crane answers.

John scans the room. “Joker,” he says. It isn’t really a question.

“He thinks the Batman is alive, he thinks the Batman is training you and Shadow. Sometimes he thinks Shadow is Batman…and you little bird, you will be the bait.” Crane says gently. “Sleep now,” he adds and John doesn’t have enough time to prevent the injection. Everything goes dark.


	19. Eleven

**~eleven~**  
   
“We lost contact,” Tim says into his ear.

“Can you locate him?” Barsad wants to know.

“He is still in the building. The suit is still transmitting his heart-beat, but it’s slower – like he’s sleeping. And they can’t unmask him without damaging the suit and hurting themselves in the process, but we need to hurry,” Tim answers. “Bruce is freaking out,” he adds quietly.

Of course, Barsad thinks. Of course Bruce is freaking out. It’s Rachel all over again for him.  
They are still too far away.  
“Red Hood?” Barsad asks.

“Outside the building with Mark. He’s alive, but drugged up on fear-gas, and right now, knocked out. He needs to get to a hospital as soon as possible. Red Hood doesn’t have the antidote on him.”

Barsad swears under his breath. “Patch me through to Bruce.”

“Shadow,” Bruce says. His voice sounds controlled enough, but that doesn’t say a lot about the state he’s in.

“We’re going in.”

“Robin already called Gordon and paramedics,” Bruce replies.

“Of course-”

“I’m suiting up,” Bruce cuts in.

Barsad blinks and Red Hood stares at him. Barsad just knows that Jason is just as stunned as he is. He had known…of course he had known, but this is crazy.  
“Don’t,” Shadow says. “We can handle this.”

“I’m suiting up,” Bruce repeats. “Joker has him, Shadow. I am not letting him kill Nightwing. I am not-” he stops. Barsad can hear him take a breath. “This won’t be a repeat performance,” Bruce settles on.

“This is a fucking trap!” Jason explodes. “He is trying to lure you out. He knows somehow that you aren’t dead. He knows because he is obsessed with you and he studied Shadow’s moves and made all the right connections, even if it took him way longer than Robin to do it. You suiting up is a disastrous idea,” Jason finishes.

“I agree with Red Hood,” Tim throws in. “We need a better plan than rushing in like fools.”

Barsad can hear a growl form Bruce on the other end of the comm link. He doesn’t like it, but he isn’t a fool either.

“I have an idea,” Dick says.

“Listening,” Barsad replies.  
   
~+~  
As plans go, it’s done way too fast and not really thought through, but it’s still better than Bruce suiting up by himself and rushing in like a fool.    
Barsad changes into the spare Batsuit as fast as he can and tries not to think about it too deeply. This had been his enemy once. Now he’s becoming his enemy…the Dark Knight.  
It’s fortunate that he and Dick are roughly the same size. With the mask and hood he should pass as Shadow in the darkness of the basement. It’s enough to complete the illusion and give them the element of surprise; their enemy won’t see the duality until it’s too late. 

“Let’s go,” he says as he blasts the entrance. This will be a hell of a night. Barsad just knows it and not only because Bruce is back in the game, or because Barsad is wearing a suit that’s not designed for him. Barsad can’t contain the rage anymore. He wants to see the Joker dead and he knows that Bruce is feeling murderous right now too. He wishes that he left Jason at home. The cave. Somewhere that is far away from here. Because even if Jason doesn’t remember what has been done to him, he knows. He’s seen the recording. And Barsad always figured he would be alone when he would kill the Joker. He doesn’t necessary need or want an audience, especially not his son.

Jason squeezes his arm briefly before he steps into the building with him. Shadow nods.  
They spread out. 

~+~  
Dick is with Bruce, while Jason is with Barsad. Barsad won’t let Jason out of his fucking sight on this one. He is nervous. His muscles and his anger coiled.

“It’s alright,” Jason whispers. His voice sounds different through the mask. Older, wiser. He isn’t a boy anymore.

Barsad nods once sharply and communicates radio silence to Jason. Jason nods.

The basement is dark, damp, and reminds him too much of the Johnny case a few years ago. The first real big case he and John did together. He balls his hands into fists and wonders idly how long the Joker and Crane had planned this. How they could be so blind to this plan. Now, now it had been so obvious. Obsessions, it always comes down to them.  
   
~+~  
“I knew you would come with the right kind of invitation,” the Joker says from the shadows. It sounds like his voice is everywhere at once. “I knew you weren’t dead. You’re too clever for that, aren’t you?”  
Speakers, Barsad realizes as he strains to listen.  
“And you brought company. I thought I had done away with that boy. Shouldn’t he be in bed by now? Sleeping? It’s so late…you are a horrible parent, Batman,” he continues.

“Where is Nightwing?” Barsad asks.

“That’s for me to know and for you to- well you know the rest, don’t you?” He asks.

“I’m not playing your game this time,” Barsad growls.

“But you already are handsome, you already are,” he says in that singsong voice that Barsad hates. “My dear friend Scarecrow left a little something behind for you.”

“Shit,” Jason says just as Barsad notices the effects of the gas on himself. He’s been here before. Everyone in the League has, but of course this is a million times worse. He grabs the antidote and injects it and watches Jason do the same.

“I bet,” Jason says, “Every freaking inch of this place is booby-trapped and full to the brim with this stuff.” He pockets the empty syringe and takes a shallow breath. “Let’s find Nightwing and then get the hell out of here.”

Barsad nods. There is really no other way. They don’t have enough antidotes to last them for hours. And god only knows what else the Joker and Crane have in store for them. He shouldn’t have let John go in. He should have just blown the whole building to piece and watched it burn.  
   
~+~  
It takes forever to find John and when they find him he’s out of his mind with fear and clawing at his suit and skin as far is his bound hands allow it. The first impulse is to rush to him and help him, but Barsad stops Jason as he tries.  
He feels uneasy, because this went down too smoothly in their favor.

“I see you found my little present,” the Joker says, coming out of the shadows. He is holding a crowbar in his hands. Barsad can feel Jason tense. “I see you remember,” he says and sounds almost fond. “We had such a good time, didn’t we? And I missed playing with little birds, especially such beautiful, delicate and loved ones like this little pet,” he continues as he nudges the crowbar against John’s face. He’s not in the right mind to even try to escape.

“Let him go,” Barsad says.

“You came for him!” Joker replies. “He makes you weak! Like the rest of them. Like the boy that is clinging to your cape!” He swings the crowbar and it makes a horrible sound as it connects with the chair John is bound to. Jason suppresses a flinch. Barsad feels murderous now. He wishes he had brought the gun instead of only the knives.

“Let him go!”

“I will kill him and you will watch it helplessly like you had to while Dent’s little girlfriend had been barbequed. And then everything will be right in the world again. I will get rid of them and you and I will be the only real freaks left.”

“Dream on,” Dick says from behind him and then Bruce is there all big and imposing and wrathful.  

“Damn,” Jason whispers.

Barsad nods. Dick’s movements are a bit awkward, he isn’t used to the cape, but it doesn’t matter, because he is only a distraction.  
Barsad makes his way to Nightwing, checks his pulse and gets the antidote out.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you,” Joker says. He’s swinging the crowbar at Bruce now, but Barsad knows that Bruce will have him pinned down and restrained in moments.

“What did you do to him?” Bruce growls.

“That for me to kno-” he doesn’t finish the sentence, because Bruce’s smashes his face in. He laughs, he laughs as Bruce is breaking bones and splitting skin. Dick steps away. The crowbar in his hands and only watches. Watches in silent horror as Bruce unleashes his rage and fear and wrath.

“Get me Crane,” Barsad hisses.

“He escaped,” Dick says, but he sounds dazed. “Batman said to let him go, he wasn’t the priority.”

Barsad swears. “Red Hood, Shadow, take Nightwing and get him out of here. Paramedics should be here by now. Get in the car with him. Don’t let them remove the mask!”

“You want us to get him to a hospital?” Jason asks.

“Yes!” Barsad hisses.

“Okay,” Dick says, “Okay…” he doesn’t look at Bruce anymore. Avoids looking at him in fact, and he and Jason are probably aware that Barsad is sending them away. That he is sending the kids away.

“You have to stop him,” Jason whispers. “He’s going to kill the bastard.”

Barsad nods. “Get Nightwing out, don’t leave his sight. Tell them he has been poisoned.”

“Robin to everyone,” Tim says. Barsad has no freaking idea how the boy managed to establish communications again, but he shouldn’t be surprised. “Lead on Crane. I already alerted the police. He should be in custody soon.”

“We need him, we also need anyone who would know what Crane has cooked up and injected Nightwing with. Send them to the Gotham General.”

“On it, Robin out!”

The wet moan and half-laugh bring Barsad back to the task at hand. He steps beside Bruce and grabs his bloody fist. “Enough.”

Bruce struggles, fights him, for one second Barsad thinks he will punch him. “He poisoned, Nightwing!” Bruce hisses.

“I know,” Barsad replies. “He beat my son nearly do death.”

“I knew it!” Joker says wetly.

“You should go now,” Barsad says as gently as he can, ignoring the Joker for the time being.

Bruce looks at him and then the Joker. “What will you-”

“You don’t want to ask that question,” Barsad interrupts.

“I can’t- the Batman doesn’t kill!”

Barsad takes off the cowl. “Shadow does,” he says, ignoring the Joker’s excited noises. He picks up the crowbar from the ground. “You should go now,” he says again.

“I can’t-”

“Nightwing needs you,” Barsad cuts in sharply. “You gave this up. You have no right to demand anything from me! He nearly killed my son!” Barsad hisses.

Bruce steps away as Barsad swings the crowbar. “Shadow to Robin,” he says gently.

“Robin, listening,” Tim replies.

“Cutting communication and recording now. Only for a short time,” Barsad says.

“Mr Barsad-”

“Don’t try to hack it, Robin. This is an order.”

“Understood. Robin out,” Tim whispers and then he is alone with the Joker and he feels nothing. Nothing at all, except the cold satisfaction and a sense of rightness as he bashes the bastard's head in.


	20. Extra II: Bruce

**Extra II: Bruce**  
   
As soon as he’s out of the building he gets to the car and strips off the Batman suit. He isn’t Batman anymore and for the first time ever he realizes he doesn’t want to be Batman anymore either. Too much responsibility. Too much… He puts on his civvies and makes his way to the hospital. He has no real idea how he will explain- he doesn’t care. Gordon knows who he is. He probably knows that he’s been back in town for some time too. He sure as hell has figured out that John is Nightwing and that Bruce cares for him. He should have told John. He never told John that this is a lifelong commitment for Bruce if John lets him.  
   
~+~  
The hospital is in a state of panic, there are police everywhere and they’re in his way.

“I need to see Nightwing!”

“No freaking reporters,” one of the cops says. He looks young and fierce and like he’s going to rip Bruce’s head off if he should try anything.

“Don’t make me hurt you!” Bruce hisses.

The cop looks startled for a second, but then squares his shoulders and gives him a look that tells Bruce he won’t move an inch. Bruce doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but he will if he has too. He steps back. Takes a breath, pulls out his phone, and calls Jason.  
“I need to see him,” he says.

“He’s in surgery,” Jason answers.

“What the hell?!”

“Shadow will come for you and we can talk about it in private. In fact Shadow is on his way. You’re at the front entrance?”

“Yes, police are freaking everywhere!” He glares at the cop and the cop glares back.

“Bruce,” Dick says and Bruce hangs up on Jason without a second thought.

“I need to see him,” Bruce replies.

“He’s with us,” Dick says and he has Shadow down perfectly.

“Okay…” the cop says.

“Thank you for looking out for us,” Dick replies and the cop smiles shyly. All Bruce can think is: but Shadow wouldn’t say that. He is too caught up in this shit he realizes. He needs to see John.   
He grabs Dick’s arm hard, even if he is sure that the boy doesn’t feel even half of his bruising grip through the suit. Dick gives him a look, “Come on then. And let go!”

Bruce lets go and follows Dick inside.  
   
~+~  
He listens to the doctors that give him suspicious looks, but he can’t be bothered. He hadn’t seen John in the basement, hadn’t had time to check him over. He should have taken the time to check on John. He should have instead of beating the Joker into a pulp.

“We are sure he will make it,” one of the doctors says.

Bruce nods, but all he wants to do is, “Can I see him?”

“Mister Smith,” the female doctor says. “He is in no condition to answer questions or-”

“I just want to see him,” Bruce hisses, losing patience already with all of them.

She takes a step back and looks at him sternly. She doesn’t like him. He can see that plainly. “Only family is allowed visits.”

“That’s bullshit,” Bruce says.

She looks positively annoyed now and any minute now she will call for security and have him thrown out.

“Bruce,” Jason says, stepping beside him.

“No, I’m not going. You want family?” He asks turning to look at her again. “I am his partner. I make him coffee, I pour over his cases, I fuck him, and sleep in his bed. How is that for family?!”

“How can you! He is not-”

“Yeah, he is, lady,” Jason says in his Red Hood voice. “Also, that was pretty stupid Bruce. You just painted a target on your back.” He pats Bruce’s shoulder and Bruce nearly laughs.

“Let him see Nightwing, doctor,” Shadow says. “He won’t go away. That just isn’t his style.”

She looks miffed as hell, Bruce thinks, but gives the okay anyway.

Dick goes with him, while Jason takes the three doctors and two nurses aside. Probably to tell them if someone breathes as much as a word about this they will regret it. Jason has a way to make people understand he isn’t joking – or threatening. He is just stating the facts.  
   
~+~  
John is sleeping, pumped full of god only knows what. Bruce could find out, but he isn’t going to. He just sits down and holds Nightwing’s hand.   
Dick is outside waiting or keeping watch. Tim is probably already hacking into the hospital’s system so he can erase all information on John later. Shadow will steal the blood and DNA samples. Bruce knows he doesn’t have to worry about it.    
It’s strange seeing John in a hospital gown and the Nightwing mask. He brushes John’s hair aside and looks into his pale face.  
He’s glad the Joker is dead. He is glad he didn’t do it himself. He’s a coward like that.  
It’s his fault that John picked up the cowl and it’s his fault he was a target for the Joker. It’s his fault he had been poisoned and beaten and nearly died.  
And now he has outed Nightwing as the first gay superhero. What the hell had he been thinking? He hasn’t been thinking clearly where John is involved anymore. He is in love with John. Loves John, couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

“He’ll be alright,” Jason says from behind him. He is very close and Bruce hadn’t even heard him entering the room. “Doctors are pretty sure about it.”

“Thank you,” Bruce replies.

“It’s not your fault,” Jason says gently.

Bruce bites back a sharp comeback. “Will my outburst end up in the papers?”

Jason shrugs. “I made it clear that we are watching them and that we won’t look kindly upon someone who betrays our trust,” Jason answers. “But god only knows.” He grins suddenly. “If it ends up on the internet, Robin will take care of it.”

Bruce smiles back. “Thank you,” he says again.

“Heading back with Shadow. I guess B will come by later to see him.” He steps away, brushing John’s hand in the process. “So, that’s how it feels like,” he says softly.

“Yes,” Bruce says. “That’s how it feels.”  
   
~+~  
Barsad comes when visiting hours are nearly over. He sits on the other side of the bed and looks at John. Bruce can’t really read his expression, but he knows that Barsad cares about John. They are like brothers. Bruce hadn’t thought it possible, but here it is.

“He will be alright,” Bruce says.

“I know. I spoke with Tim on the way here,” Barsad replies. He is freshly showered and in his civvies as well.

“What did you-”

“Unfortunately, the building, like the other four burned down. Chemicals,” Barsad cuts in. “I couldn’t do anything.”

Bruce nods.  
He isn’t ever going to ask about it again. This is enough, the knowledge that he’s dead and that Barsad made sure of it and that his body will be discovered by firemen soon.


	21. Interlude VII: Tim

**Interlude VII: Tim**

Tim is feeling worn out and hollow. He has been stuck in the cave for hours. He hates that he can’t be where everyone else is. He hates feeling alone with all…this knowledge he has about the people he’s more or less living with.   
He hates that the only person he could really talk to is lying drugged up at Gotham General.

“Hey,” Dick says behind him and Tim startles and kicks his own ass mentally for not being on alert. “You look dead on your feet.”

Tim looks him over. He is still wearing the Shadow uniform. It’s strange and also kind of fitting, Tim thinks. He suppresses a yawn. “Right back at ya,”

“You were here all night and while we were with John you were hacking into the hospital system, weren’t you?” Dick asks.

“Among other things,” Tim says. He had been really tempted to hack Mr. Barsad’s comm link too, but he didn’t. He hadn’t been sure if he could have handled it. Listening to Mr. Barsad kill the Joker. Listening as he beat the Joker to death.  
Tim knows Mr. Barsad burned everything. All evidence, even the Batsuit. He will be monitoring the police in the next few days anyway.

“Come here,” Dick says and grabs him.  
Tim falls against his chest and he doesn’t fight or struggle against the hug Dick is giving him.

“Looks cozy,” Jason says from somewhere. The stairs, Tim realizes and goes stiff in Dick’s arms. Dick rubs his back and neck and doesn’t let him pull away.

“You can join in anytime,” Dick replies. It’s playful. Mostly.

“Bruce just outed Nightwing as gay,” Jason says.

“What?” Tim asks. He tries to pull away again, but Dick only lets him go so far.

“He totally lost it in the hospital. They weren’t going to let him see John, so he told them he is fucking Nightwing and that he had been for a while and that they are family…”

“He put a target on his chest,” Tim says.

“Yeah, he fucking did. I talked to the staff and made it clear we don’t look kindly upon people who blurt out our secrets. No idea how much good it will do,” Jason replies.

“I will look out for any gossip and just make it disappear,” Tim swears.

“Thought you would,” Jason says. “Come on Babybird, let’s get you into bed,” he adds.

Tim can’t quite suppress the shiver and knows that Dick has felt it too.     
   
~+~  
“Alfred’s gone to the hospital as well, as soon as I told him we will take care of you,” Jason says as they emerge into the kitchen.

There is food on the table and Tim’s stomach grumbles.

“Forgot to eat, hmm?” Dick asks.

Tim nods and sits down. He is too tired to eat, but suddenly the hunger is gnawing at him. He feels like he’s starving.  
They eat in silence.

Tim is really dead on his feet, because when he gets up after their meal, he stumbles, but Jason is there to catch him, steady him.  
“You need to get to bed,” he says again.

“I can’t stay here-” Tim protests.

“Alfred already called your housekeeper and arranged things. You’re staying, Babybird.”

It gives Tim shivers when Jason takes control like that. “Okay,” Tim says, but this time he can’t suppress the yawn.

“Right,” Jason replies, steering him in the bathroom’s direction. Dick is following them. Tim has no idea why. He’s too tired to care.  
   
~+~  
Tim is shivering as he starts to brush his teeth. He doesn’t think it’s from the cold. He spits and looks at Jason and Dick in the mirror. “He killed him,” he says quietly.

Jason nods.  
“We know,” Dick says, reaching out and rubbing his arm gently. 

Tim can’t help but lean into the touch just a bit. He finishes brushing his teeth in silence.“I didn’t think he would…I mean I knew, but I didn’t think-” he stops again. His legs are barely holding him up. This whole night has taken it out of him. And Mark nearly died because he suggested – it had been Tim’s idea to get Mark involved. He isn’t strong enough for this he realizes. He rubs at his eyes angrily like a kid.

“It’s alright,” Dick says gently.

“They’ll be fine,” Jason assures him.

“What about me?” Tim whispers and Dick leans down and kisses his cheek. Tim can’t help the half moan, the half sob noise he makes. He is so fucking exhausted.

“You’ll be fine too,” Jason says gently as he lifts up Tim’s sweatshirt. “Now, come on. We need to get you ready for bed.”  
Tim lets them. They work in perfect silent synch and he lets them. Doesn’t even marvel at it. Just lets Jason and Dick strip him of his clothes until he’s only wearing his boxers and t-shirt and socks.

He can feel their gentle hands and voices guiding him and he wonderes… “I can’t be alone,” he whispers into Jason’s shoulder.

“It’s fine, Babybird, you don’t have to.”  
   
~+~  
The bed is big enough for two grown men, so it wouldn’t be a problem at all for the three of them to fit. Dick still lingers at the edge of the room. Unsure what to do.

“I know you sleep with him,” Tim slurs. “It’s fine,” he adds as he crawls into bed where Jason is already lying.  
Dick smiles at him. He makes his way to the bed in seconds. Tim is too tired to think about it all. He lets Dick cuddle close and holds on to Jason’s arm as he drifts off to sleep.

~+~  
When Tim wakes up it’s dark in his room and he feels warm, cocooned in. He can feel Jason on his right side and Dick is on his left. Dick’s arm is over his waist brushing Jason’s on Tim’s hip. Like something is drawing them together even in sleep. He doesn’t know how to feel about it.  
Dick stirs, kisses his shoulder through the t-shirt and tells him to go back to sleep.  
Tim does.

The next time Tim wakes it’s to a soft noise. He can’t identify it at first, but then he realizes that Jason must be having a nightmare. He turns slightly to look at Jason’s face and then he leans in and kisses Jason’s cheek. Reaches out and strokes his fingers gently over Jason’s arm. He mumbles some nonsense until Jason calms down and then he opens his eyes and looks at Tim.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi,” Tim whispers back.

Jason leans in then just a bit and really slowly, but Tim wouldn’t lean away if his life would depend on it. It’s a shock to his system when Jason’s lips meet his own. He knows it’s just a chaste kiss. Brush of lips on lips. He can also feel Dick waking up, he can feel Jason’s breath on his lips and he leans in this time and kisses Jason close mouthed, but firm.

Dick’s hand sneaks around his middle, makes his way under the t-shirt, brushes his stomach and he exhales shakily. It’s all a bit hazy and warm and surreal. And then Dick kisses his neck just as Jason leans in again. Tim gives himself over to that feeling.

Jason presses closer, as does Dick. Dick’s fingers are warm and firm, but gentle. Stroking and caressing while Jason kisses his jaw and cheek and then his lips again. He doesn't know what to do with his hands. He doesn't know what to do. He feels lost and out of control.

“It's alright, we've got you,” Dick whispers into his ear and Dick's breath, as it hits his skin, sends waves of arousal down Tim's spine.

It's like a dream or a fever haze, Tim thinks, but he isn't going to question it. He's going to close his eyes and let them kiss him, run their hands over his skin, and whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

“Hey, Babybird, hey, look at me,” Jason says quietly and Tim can't deny him that. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Tim answers. “Yes, I am,” he repeats and lets Jason kiss him again. Jason's lips are soft and a bit wet and Tim shudders as he leaves a trail of kisses from the corner of Tim's mouth over his throat to his neck and shoulder. Dick is still a warm presence behind him. His hand stroking Tim's stomach and hip in mindless, restless patterns. Tim pushes against him and is rewarded with a soft gasp as Dick's cock (hard, Tim thinks) slides against his back and the curve of his ass. 

Dick's hand wanders lower and Tim grabs Jason's arm a bit too hard, maybe. Tim pulls him closer and Jason takes the hint, so Tim can run his hands over his arm and hip and then inward to his stomach and lower. He hesitates there, unsure again if this is okay, but Jason kisses that tender spot where his neck meets his shoulder and he pushes into Tim's touch. Okay, Tim thinks, okay, he can do that. He can get Jason off with his hand. He lets his hand (and it's trembling slightly) slide into Jason's boxers and nearly jumps when Jason exhales against his skin. Jason kisses him open mouthed and wet and Tim wants - “Leave a mark?” He whispers.

“Yes,” Jason says and starts sucking on Tim's skin gently.

Dick's fingers slide into his boxers fully and he grabs Tim's cock and Tim just copies what Dick does to him with Jason. It seems like the natural thing to do.

It's hot and damp under the covers, but Tim loves it. Loves that this is...whatever it is and it's all focused on him and he needs that. Right now he needs that badly. 

Dick is gentle, but firm and Jason is sucking a bruise into his collarbone that he can trace in the morning while he moans into Tim's skin. Jason's orgasm takes Tim by surprise, triggers his own in such a violent way that he bites his lip so hard it bleeds. He can feel Dick hard against his back.

“Can I?” Dick asks and Tim says yes, because of course, of course Dick can. Whatever he wants. Seems what Dick wants is to rub against Tim's ass and that is good too. Tim clings to Jason, his fingers messy and Jason's tongue hot in his mouth.

When Dick comes against his back, Tim can feel it. The shudder, the stillness, the wetness and warmth.  
He breaths through it and only realizes that he's breathing in tandem with them when he's already drifting off again.


	22. Twelve

**~twelve~**

It’s barely light outside when John wakes up. He feels groggy, but his instincts kick in immediately. He isn’t alone. He breathes out slowly when Barsad touches his hand briefly. He knows Barsad’s touch, his smell, the way he moves.

“Hey,” he says and opens his eyes.

“How are you feeling?” Barsad asks, his face half hidden in the shadows.

John can’t remember much from the point he had been drugged. His face feels… “Is my mask still on?” He asks, reaching up to trace it.

“Yes.”

“Am I in a real hospital?” John asks.

“Yes, you are. I don’t think Bruce will let them keep you here much longer, but for now, yes. You are in a real hospital.”

“Hmm,” John says. Must have been pretty bad then if Bruce had allowed this.

“We have people here at all times. Gordon is one of them,” Barsad smiles. Just a tiny smile.

“Ah, keeping my virtue intact,” John smiles.

“If you want to call it that. But we both know you don’t have any left,” Barsad replies.

John makes a face. “Not awake enough to joke with you about my sex-life.”

“Speaking off. Bruce lost it when they didn’t let him see you and he outed himself as your lover,” Barsad says.

John stares at him. He knows he does, but. “Fuck. He did?”

“You are the first out and about gay hero, vigilante whatever,” Barsad answers.

“Glad I wasn’t awake for the media shitstorm,” John says.

“There hasn’t been one, just yet. Robin is taking care of everything that leaks.”  
John isn’t sure he likes this. They do have freedom of the press after all. He rubs at his face. The mask annoys the hell out of him. He pulls at it a bit.  
“You can take it off now. There are no cameras in here and the blinds are drawn,” Barsad says.

“Thanks,” John replies and does just that. “How long have I been out?”

“Four days. They needed to get the poison out of your system and run tests, mend some broken skin and bruised bones. How are you feeling?” He asks again.

John does a quick check of his body. The odd ache here and there. “Fine,” he answers eventually. “I feel fine for someone who had just been in the clutches of both Joker and Crane.” He looks to Barsad then. “Did you take care of him?”

“Yes, John. Yes, I did. Doctor Crane is locked up in Arkham again. Robin found him and alerted the police.”

“That boy is scarily efficient,” John says.

“He is…,” Barsad says. “Not broken, but I think it would be good for him to not be on such cases anymore. He is after all only fifteen and even if we don’t want to, we tend to forget that.”

John really wonders what the hell is going on back at home. The last time he spoke to Robin, the boy seemed fine, but John getting captured by the Joker and Tim only being able to listen in – yes, John thinks it would mess Tim up. He would call Tim later, right now he needs to know.

“Barsad-”

“Only ask if you’re really sure you want to know,” he interrupts, “Because I won’t lie to you.”

John nods. “Did he kill him or was it you?”

“It was me. He was ready to do it. I stepped in,” Barsad answers.

“Thank you for saving him,” John says.

Barsad nods. “I bashed his head in with the crowbar he had in that basement. I don’t know if it was the same one he used on Jason, but it didn’t really matter. I burned the building down afterwards.”

“He’s really dead then?” John asks.

“Yes, I watched him die and if I could have, I would have watched him burn too,” Barsad answers.

“What will you do now?” John asks.

Barsad runs a hand through his hair. He looks like he needs a really long vacation. “I don’t know yet. His death will be confirmed any day now and then…” he shrugs.

“Maybe you should take Jason and take a holiday. I hear Metropolis is nice or Chicago. Or you could leave for another continent for a while.”

“I’m not sure,” Barsad says with a small, private smile, “if Jason is ready to pack his things.”

“Does that mean that the boys have figured their shit out?”

“They are certainly on their way. Both Dick and Jason have been sleeping in Tim’s room the last few nights.”

“You know,” John says, “I feel like I should say something, have a talk about saver sex, but I am really glad and happy for them.”

“I think,” Barsad replies, “Tim knows everything there is to know about the theory of sex. It’s unlikely he’s going to rush it or let Dick and Jason push it,” he adds.

John nods, Barsad is probably right. “I worry about him, because he’s young and because he’s small and because-”

“It’s in your nature and you formed an attachment to Tim unlike the one I formed with Jason,” Barsad says.

“Yes,” John says.

“They will be fine, John,” Barsad replies. “Put the mask back on, the nurse will be here soon to check on you.”

“You’re staying?”

“For a bit longer,” Barsad replies. “Bruce usually stays at your bedside during these hours. He should be here soon too.”

“Thank you,” John says.

“For what?” Barsad wonders.

“I don’t know? Being here, being my friend, taking a freaking leap of faith all those years ago?”

“You are very welcome, John,” Barsad replies and squeezes his shoulder. “Rest now.”

“Okay.”

~+~  
“I hear you lost it,” John says with a smile.

“Barsad didn’t tell me you were up, John,” Bruce says after he’s closed the door.

John peels the mask from his face. He is feeling okay. He wants to go home soon. “I guess he wanted to surprise you.”

“I am surprised-”

“Bruce.” John says.

“I did. I lost it. They were just getting on my nerves with their ‘only family is allowed to visit’ crap-”

“And you told them that you are my lover.”

“I told them that you are my partner, John. Not only my lover. You and I-” he stops and John waits for him to gather his thoughts. Expressing feelings in words isn’t easy for Bruce, John knows that, so he waits. “We are, I mean I want us to be-”

“Bruce I know,” John interrupts gently.

Bruce looks at him then. “I’ve never said it. In all these years I never said it once, not even during sex. It could have slipped out in those moments when I am buried inside you, it should have slipped, but it didn’t. I never said it,” he replies frustrated.

John suppresses a groan at the images Bruce’s words bring to mind. “It doesn’t matter, Bruce, because I know.”

“I didn’t always. I was curious and in lust at the beginning, but it changed and now I am-” he stops again. “You know that, of course you do,” he adds.

“I’m a great detective, you know?” John replies with a smile.

Bruce steps closer to the bed and looks down on John and then he leans in and kisses him. John feels like they haven’t kissed this way for far too long. It’s tender and lingering and makes John’s heart beat too fast. The machines are making it so obvious. Bruce smiles against his lips. “We need to get you home. Soon.”

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that,” John whispers and kisses him again. He grabs onto Bruce’s expensive, but somewhat rumpled suit and pulls him down. Bruce comes easily, he sits down and hugs John, embraces him, cocoons him in his arms as they kiss. And it really doesn’t matter that Bruce can’t say it, shies away from formulating the words. John knows that Bruce loves him. He was ready to kill for John – it scares John a bit, but…some small part of him is also thrilled.

Bruce kisses him again and this time it’s with more hunger and desire. It steals John’s breath away. He clings to Bruce harder.  
“I nearly lost you,” Bruce whispers.

“I’m fine,” John says.

“John,” Bruce says and kisses him behind his ear where it makes his knees weak. It’s good he’s in a hospital bed right now. “I do love you,” he whispers.

John’s heart skips a fucking beat. “Don’t say it when I can’t fuck you senseless, Bruce, god!”

Bruce only laughs.  
It’s a good sound. John cherishes it. Lets it flood his body until he feels light on happiness.


	23. Interlude VIII: Jason

**Interlude VIII: Jason**

Bruce sets a mug of coffee in front of him and Jason nods his thanks. It’s early, but he had to pee and then the aroma of the coffee made him wander into the kitchen.

Bruce sits down on the other side of the table, takes a sip and then looks at Jason. “I’m not good at this,” he says.

No shit, Jason thinks, but he just looks at Bruce in return. “Is this an intervention? And if yes, shouldn’t there be more people present?”

“It’s not an intervention, Jason. I’m just…well, not concerned, but-”

“Yeah, concerned, what the hell me and the boys are doing?”

“It’s mostly about Tim,” Bruce answers honestly. “He can take care of himself, but he is also very young and he has been in love with you for a very long time, Jason.”

“I know and I am not rushing anything. Not with Tim, not with Dick either,” Jason says firmly.

“So, are you entertaining an open relationship then?”

“I dunno…I think I want a monogamous relationship with Tim and Dick,” he answers blowing on his hot coffee.

“Did you talk about it with Tim and Dick?”

“We don’t talk, we…do stuff,” Jason admits. It’s weird talking about it with Bruce, but on the other hand, he is the only one who is mostly objective about it, because he doesn’t feel like a parent.

“Stuff?” Bruce asks.

“You have to know we fool around at night in Tim’s bed. It’s mostly when we’re half asleep, or half awake, so we don’t have to talk about it…I think,” Jason replies. It had started out as a way to make sure Tim was okay. He needed it after the whole Joker/Crane disaster, but it is turning into something more. They don’t talk about it in the morning. Jason doesn’t know if they should or not. Sometimes he wants to, but it could fuck this up for them. The warm haze under the covers, the soft skin of Tim’s body and the quite noises he makes when Jason kisses him, or Dick. When Dick strokes him gently. How desperately he clings to Jason when he comes. And Jason wants to see that by day, or in lamplight. Wants to see Tim lose it when Dick kisses him. Wants to stroke Tim’s cock and watch him come all over Jason’s fingers. He doesn’t think he can tell all of that to Bruce, though.

“It’s alright to do stuff, to fool around,” Bruce says. “But you have to make sure all of you want the same thing, so no one gets hurt in the process. You need to talk.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to face them-”

“Then don’t. Do it under the covers then, with the night as your cloak, Jason,” Bruce smiles.

“That’s how you talk to John?” He asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Sometimes…” he answers, Jason gives him a look. “Often,” Bruce admits. “But John knows me, Jason”

“Tim knows me too,” Jason says.

“But Dick doesn’t,” Bruce replies.

Jason nods. It’s true enough. “You don’t suck too much at this, Bruce,” he says.

“Thank you,” Bruce replies. It sounds only a bit sarcastic.

~+~  
Jason knows that none of them are thinking beyond the moment now. Dick doesn’t deal with the calls from his parents, Tim doesn’t deal with his guilt and Jason doesn’t deal with what they are doing once they crawl into bed.  
He’s anticipating the touch now. It hadn’t been like this in the beginning. It had been hesitant touches and careful kisses. Now Jason can not only feel desperation, but also passion when Tim kisses, when Dick grabs his wrist. They are still mostly focusing on Tim, but Jason likes that Dick’s fingers brush his stomach when he strokes Tim’s cock. He wants more of that. He wants Dick’s lips against his own, his tongue on his skin, he wants to pin Dick down and hear him moan, because he just can’t help himself and he wants Tim’s fingers curled around his cock.  
He breaks the kiss with Tim and breathes for a moment.

“Jason?” Tim asks softly. Usually they don’t talk when they’re doing this, but how can he let them know what he wants when he doesn’t say it? 

“I want you to touch me,” Jason says.

“Oh…” Tim whispers.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to-” Jason adds hastily.

“I want to, Jason,” Tim replies and lets his knuckles brush against Jason’s hip and then drags them inwards and down to his stomach and lower to his cock where he curls his fingers around it and starts stroking slowly. Jason stops his hand and looks at him. 

“Jason?”

Jason rolls on his back and Tim follows him. “Like this?”

“Yes,” Tim says, settling on his thighs and looking down on him. “Yes, I can do that.”

Jason can feel Dick’s gaze on them, on Jason and he reaches out and grabs Dick’s wrist, pulls him in so they can kiss. Tim makes a soft noise above him. Jason really wants to see his face. Next time he will leave the lights on. There is no need to pretend anymore, he thinks. They want this, they need it. And even if it’s still a bit controlled, it is escalating fast.

Tim’s fingers around Jason’s cock tighten and he speeds up a little. Jason can’t and doesn’t want to hold back the sounds that escape his mouth. He runs his free hand over Tim’s leg and up until it settles on his small hip, squeezes it a bit too hard when he comes all over Tim’s fingers. He can hear Tim breathing harshly, can feel Dick’s breath against his skin. Tim leans down then and kisses his chest, above his heart and Jason grabs Tim by his neck and crushes their mouths together.

“I want to see you come,” he whispers against Tim’s lips. “I want to make you come and look at your face.”  
Dick moans and so does Tim. “And I want to watch you suck Dick-”

Tim giggles. “Yours? Richard’s?” he asks playfully.

Jason laughs. He turns to Dick then, with Tim’s heavy weight still on top of him. “And I want to pin you down and-”

Dick shuts him up with a hard kiss. “Yes,” he says. “Yes.”

This talking thing Jason thinks, it’s working okay for him so far.

~+~  
Jason has no idea how to even start that conversation. He looks at Barsad who is preparing rosemary potatoes at the counter and runs a few first sentences in his head.

“I can feel that, you know?” Barsad asks.

“I know. I just need a freaking moment.”

“You don’t have to be careful around me, Jason. I’m an adult,” Barsad replies, putting the potatoes aside and turning to look at him.

“That’s such bullshit, B. Adults are people. You have to be careful with their feelings too.”

Barsad smiles at him. “What is it you want to talk about then?”

“About you killing the Joker,” Jason says. “You haven’t been on patrol since then. Dick is wearing your suit to make an appearance here and there.”

“Jason-”

“Are you going to quit? I mean, it’s been only a few days since the basement. But John will be released in two days and…are you thinking about quitting?”

“I don’t know yet,” Barsad answers.

“Okay,” Jason says. “Is it because you don’t feel like you belong here anymore?”

“No, Jason. You are my family. I belong here. I belong in Gotham, but I am not sure I should be on the streets right now.”

“You want to share Cave duties with Bruce? Because you know he isn’t going to go out anymore either.” He looks at Barsad then. Long and hard. “Why are you letting Dick wear the suit? Your suit? Is it because you want him to take it over?”

“He has to decide that for himself, Jason. You know that.”

“But how can he? When you are giving him this and I am…me and Tim we are tying him down. In our own way.”

“No one said it would be an easy decision to make, but it shouldn’t be easy, Jason. This life we’re leading it shouldn’t be chosen lightly.”

“I know,” Jason replies.

“Want to help me make the dips?”

“Sure,” Jason says, getting up and joining Barsad at the counter. He’ll just have to wait and see what Dick will do and what Barsad will decide. There is no doubt that Barsad needs a bit time off, but then, they all need to rethink their lives a little bit. It’s normal after what they have gone through. “If you want to talk about what happened in that basement, B” Jason says, not looking at him concentrating instead on the garlic under his knife. “I’m here to listen.”

“Thank you, Jason. I’ll keep that in mind.”


	24. Interlude IX: Dick

**Interlude IX: Dick**

Dick looks at Tim’s face. His eyes are closed, his lips slightly open as he exhales and inhales. He’s asleep. Dick has gotten used to Tim’s and Jason’s breathing rhythms while asleep pretty quickly. His fingers itch with the urge to run them over Tim’s small nose, the curve of his lips.  
He turns on his back instead. It’s still dark outside. Everyone else – except for Bruce – is probably asleep too.  
Dick can’t sleep. He knows that he has to make a decision soon. He had come here for Jason, but now… There is no way Jason would leave Tim. There is no way Dick and he could be together. They haven’t even kissed alone, not to mention that they haven’t even gotten off together since that one glorious time. Dick isn’t sure he is jealous or not, because Tim is cute and hot when he takes control and pins Dick down, but…  
Dick turns around again and comes face to face with Tim’s piercing blue eyes.

“You’re awake,” he whispers so he doesn’t wake up Jason.

“And you’re brooding,” Tim says equally quietly.

“I guess,” Dick replies.

“About what?”

Dick sighs. He doesn’t think they should have this conversation here and now. “You.”

“Hmm…” Tim says.

Dick reaches out then and runs his finger delicately over the bridge of Tim’s nose. Everything about Tim feels soft. His skin and his lips and his fingers and palms. He’s a boy of fifteen and he and Jason are sleeping with him. Dick is pretty sure that there are laws against that.

“We should go on a date,” he says because it just comes to mind and because they haven’t been on a date, they had just kinda stumbled into bed. There isn’t much talk about what they’re doing either. The only talking that happens in bed is kinda dirty. Which Dick doesn’t mind to be honest. He loves it. Loves to hear Jason’s demands and Tim whisper his needs and wants and wishes. Loves to tell them how good they look and feel and taste.

“The three of us?” Tim asks.

“Yes,” Dick says. “But also you and me.”

Tim looks at him for a few moments. “You and me?”

“Yes, so I can get to know you, Tim.”

Tim bites his lip, which is the only nervous habit Tim has and Dick finds it cute. And hot, especially when Tim bites his lip during his orgasm, so he won’t scream- probably. He likes to lick and kiss Tim’s tender bottom lip after, it makes Tim moan and whimper prettily.   
“I guess that it means you want to stay here? In Gotham?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Dick replies. He had come here for Jason, but he will stay for both of them. He isn’t looking forward to the conversation with his parents.

“Okay,” Tim says.

Dick doesn’t know what it means. “Okay what?”

“Let’s go on a date,” Tim answers.

“Okay,” Dick whispers and leans in to kiss Tim’s soft lips.

~+~  
They pick Tim up from school. Jason has the car and he’s leaning against it smoking. Dick is shivering, because it’s a rather cold day for the beginning of March. Tim looks tiny in his black coat, but also fierce. It’s so fucking strange. Jason exhales smoke and lets his gaze wander over Tim’s face and body. And this is hot too. Dick could get used to this.

“They think you’re my boyfriend,” Tim says to Jason.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So your reputation is ruined then?” Jason asks.

“Kinda,” Tim shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter then when I do this?”

“Do wha-” Tim doesn’t finish that sentence because Jason grabs him by the neck and kisses the living hell out of him. “Hi,” Tim breathes and he’s smiling widely. 

“Hi,” Jason replies.

“Not fair,” Dick says.

Tim looks to him and makes a decision. Dick can see it on his face. Just a moment, but it’s there. Tim grabs his hand and pulls him close. “Hi,” he says, just before he kisses Dick.

“Now your reputation is ruined,” Jason laughs.

“I don’t know. I have two hot boyfriends,” Tim replies.

Two boyfriends, Dick thinks. Is that what he has too? Is it what they are building up to? Maybe they really need to talk about this.

“Let’s go then,” Jason says.

“We have reservations?” Dick asks confused.

“No, but the zombie movie I want to see starts in 20 minutes,” Jason answers.

“Okay,” Dick says and gets in the car. He lets Jason drive and Tim sit in the passenger seat. He needs a few minutes to calm his racing heart. It seems that both Tim and Jason have already figured out what they want from this relationship, but Dick is still unsure. Still careful. He doesn’t know why.

~+~  
Tim is sipping from his paper cup carefully. He looks happy Dick thinks. Dick takes a sip of his own hot chocolate and grabs Tim’s hand. Tim smiles into his paper cup. It looks a bit shy. Dick feels good. He likes that. It makes him feel warm inside despite the freaking cold weather.

“We should do that more often,” Jason says, munching on his fries.

“Get junk food?” Tim teases.

“Yes, but also go on dates…like normal people,” Jason answers. “This was a good idea Dick.”

Dick nods. He thinks that too.

~+~  
It’s late when they stumble into the manor. They try to keep quite between stealing kisses and brushing hands against every part of a body that is close by.  
Tim pins Dick to the wall outside his room. Jason never pins Dick down and Dick really should ask why one of these days. It won’t be today that much he knows.

He surges forward and kisses Tim’s soft mouth, he’s getting hard and he wants things, but-  
Tim lets go and steps away. Looks at him. “You never tell us what you want Dick,” he whispers.

“I do-”

“No, you don’t. You tell us how good we look and taste and sound, but you never tell us what you want,” Tim cuts in.   
Dick really shouldn’t even try to bullshit Tim.

“He’s right, you know?” Jason says, grabbing his hand and pulling him in.

“You don’t want to do what I would like you to do,” Dick replies shrugging. “You said you want to, but you don’t-”

“You want me to pin you down and have my, our, wicked way with you?” Jason asks. His voice sounds husky and just a little bit – not mean, but something. In a good way. It makes Dick’s stomach flip.

“Yes,” Dick says. He wants more than that. He wants Jason’s fingers inside him and his cock too for that matter, but he doesn’t think Jason is there yet. He wants to suck Tim off and maybe…maybe. He looks at Tim.

“What else?” Tim asks. It’s nearly a whisper.

“I want to suck you off,” Dick replies.

Tim takes a startled step back. “You really want that?”

“Yes,” Dick answers firmly. “I really want that.”

“What about Jason?”

“I want to suck his cock too,” Dick replies.

“Not at the same time,” Jason jokes.

“I could…try,” Dick says and feels himself blush. He’s glad the hallway is just dark enough.

Tim takes a sharp breath. Dick knows he likes it when his cock brushes Jason’s or Dick’s own. It arouses Tim to feel it slide against him. 

“Dick,” Tim says.

“Your bedroom,” Jason says, already dragging Dick behind him as he opens the door. Dick knows that Tim will follow.

~+~  
Dick has had threesomes before. Not ever with two guys and this is…this is different anyway. It’s not just for fun and a way to get off in a kinky fashion. They are building something here.  
Dick has to be careful. Surprisingly, he has to be more careful with Jason than with Tim he realizes. Tim takes everything on. He thinks about it fast and then makes a decision. Jason is more the jump in first type and that is why Dick has to be careful. Sometimes Jason tenses up for no reason Dick could name, but Dick is good at reading body language and Jason doesn’t try to hide how he feels.   
Jason likes to be touched gently and he likes it slow. Likes the build-up. And he likes kissing, licking too. He doesn’t like being pinned down or having Dick cage him in. He tenses up then. But it’s okay when Tim does it. Dick knows it has to do with how slender and small Tim is.

“I’m messed up,” Jason says between kisses. He’s coming down from his orgasm and Dick runs his hands over his hip and leg in a mindless pattern. Brushing Tim’s fingers in the process who is spooning Jason from behind.

“Jason-”

“I am. Before I came to live with B…” he stops and then takes a deep breath. Dick can feel it on his skin. “My mom was a hooker, she still tried, I guess…but her boyfriends were mostly scumbags. And one of them was worse than the rest-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Dick cuts in.

“I want to tell you,” Jason replies. “When my mom went missing he tried to rape me. He was a big man. I was barely thirteen,” Jason finishes. “I remember feeling helpless and unloved. Terrified too.”

Dick kisses him on his forehead and then his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s done. In the past and all, but that’s why I have problems with some things and why I feel how I feel about things.” He closes his eyes. “That’s why I don’t like feeling helpless or make someone else feel that way and I know you get off on it, but still…sometimes I don’t want to pin you down. I guess on most days I won’t like to do it.”

“It’s okay,” Dick replies.

“Tim likes to pin you down. So…you will get what you need to get off,” Jason whispers.

Tim reaches over and squeezes Dick’s hand. Dick smiles.

~+~  
Dick is still a bit groggy, but Tim dashing out of bed because he has school had woken him up. So he had gotten up with Tim and they had breakfast. Jason is still sleeping.  
Tim kisses Dick before he leaves and Dick smiles into his coffee.

“You seem happy,” Barsad comments as he pours himself a cup of tea and Dick shoves the plate with scones in his direction.

“I am,” Dick replies. He is. He is happy here. He had always thought that the circus was his destiny, that being a Flying Grayson was who he had to be, but now he doesn’t anymore. He can be whoever he wants to be. And right now he wants to be Jason’s and Tim’s boyfriend. And a vigilante. He likes wearing the Kevlar and hood. The mask. He loves jumping from buildings and fire escapes and flying over the rooftops of Gotham.

“Does that mean you will stay here?” Barsad asks.

“Yes, it means exactly that.”

“Good.”

“I will need a job,” Dick muses.

“We will take care of it Dick. You’re part of the family.”

“Sounds like something from a Mafia movie...” Dick jokes.

Barsad smiles. “Well, Dick. I will hurt you if you should hurt my son or Tim.”

Dick nods. He knows that Barsad doesn’t really mean it. Much. But Dick isn’t about to hurt either of them. Not on purpose anyway. He may stumble, but then they might too.  
Dick is sure they will work it out eventually


	25. Interlude X: Jason

**Interlude X: Jason**

Jason knows he has issues and now Dick knows it too. He just hopes it isn’t a deal-breaker for Dick. The fact that Jason can’t pin him down, can’t be too rough. Won’t take what he does on the streets into the bedroom. Jason likes these firm lines.  
Dick likes to be manhandled.  
He lies for a few minutes more in bed before the smell of coffee (and his bladder) make him get up.

~+~  
Dick isn’t in the kitchen when Jason enters it. B is.

“Dick?” He asks.

“Went for a run. He says Alfred’s cooking makes him fat otherwise,” Barsad replies.

“There isn’t an ounce of fat on his body,” Jason says before he can think about it. “Uhm…I know it’s pretty much Cave knowledge, but we sleep together. Have sex, I mean.”

“Yes. I know. I talked to Dick about it.”

“Did you give him the ‘I will hurt you’ speech?” Jason asks, smiling.

“In fact I did,” Barsad replies, sliding a mug of hot tea his way.

“Thanks.”

“For threatening your boyfriend?” Barsad asks, there is a smile in his voice.

“It’s a bit unfair, you know? I bet you only gave the speech to Dick and not to Tim.”

“Tim knows I will hurt him if he hurts you, but to be honest: I don’t think Tim has it in him to hurt anyone in that way. And he doesn’t tend to be careless.”

“Dick is, well…Dick. And I like that about him. He’s spontaneous where Tim isn’t. It’s fun.”

“Jason,” Barsad says and Jason looks at him, because it sounds like this will be a serious conversation. “I hope you’re using condoms and lube-”

“We aren’t-” he stops, takes a breath. “We don’t have that kind of sex. Yet. I am not sure I want anyone near my…well. You know.”

“Yes. I know.”

“But I think Dick likes it. Having something inside him I mean.”

“Yes,” Barsad says. “That is probably the main reason for Dick to be with boys. Not only because they can hold him down, but because he can submit in a way he can’t with a girl. He likes to be-”

“Taken,” Jason finishes.

“Yes,” Barsad says. “But don’t feel like you have to comply to all his wishes. Maybe you will like it, maybe you won’t, but I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to sacrifice something to make someone else happy. Even if it’s only in the bedroom.”

“Sometimes, I want to pin him down just so I can see the look on his face. That desire and want and kind of rapture. I don’t know. But pinning him down and fucking him hard…I just don’t think that’s me,” Jason says.

“And it doesn’t have to be, Jason. I am sure you will find a middle way that makes all three of you happy,” Barsad replies and grabs him by his neck, pulls him close so Jason can rest his head against his stomach. Soaking up the warmth and acceptance radiating from Barsad.

“Thanks, B.”

“You are very welcome, Jason.” 

~+~  
Jason had talked this over with Tim, because he can always count on Tim being rational and having a plan. Jason likes that about Tim.  
Tim can also go with the flow and improvise, which is a good thing as well.  
Jason has been thinking about it all week. Has been thinking about it in great detail. His spine tingles with anticipation.

“You sure?” Tim asks.

Jason kisses him. “Yes,” he says, because he is sure. “Are you?”

“I like doing it. I like having control…” Tim answers shrugging. “And Dick so obviously likes it too. Maybe you will like it, getting off on Dick getting off.”

“Probably,” Jason grins.

~+~  
He ambushes Dick in the shower. It wasn’t planned like this, but whatever. The opportunity presents itself. After patrol in the spacious showers in the cave. He grabs Dick by the neck and presses him into the tiles.

“What the-”

“Shh,” Jason says.

“Jason,” Dick breathes and his whole body relaxes, melts into it. That kind of submission is hot and intoxicating. Jason kisses his neck and then bites it gently and Dick groans. 

“Don’t move,” Jason says. Dick nods. Jason lets his hands run over Dick’s wet, slick body. His sides, his legs, his hips, his shoulders and arms, and up his front to his chest, grazing his nipples and as Dick moans he circles them, plays a bit. It’s nice. Wet, warm, slow. 

“Jason,” Dick breathes again. Jason lets his hands slide lower to Dick’s hips and down to his cock. He’s not fully hard yet, but he’s getting there. Jason presses closer so Dick can feel his body, can feel caged in. Can feel the hard line of Jason’s cock.

“You love this,” Jason breathes hotly into his neck.

“Yes,” Dick says. “I do.”

Jason runs one of his hands down Dick’s side and to his ass, squeezes it none too gently and Dick pushes into it. So Jason makes a decision and lets one finger graze Dick’s cleft. Dick exhales harshly.

“You would let me,” Jason says.

“Yes,” Dick replies.

“Because you like it,” it’s still half a question.

“Yes,” Dick answers.

Jason hums into his skin and then grabs Dick by the hair. “I want you to get on your knees for me.”

Dick nods. “Okay…” His movements are fluid and graceful, but then Jason had known they would be.

“Hands behind your back,” Jason says.

Dick nods and does as instructed. He looks so beautiful, Jason thinks. His lips bitten tender and his lashes wet, dark, and long. On his knees for Jason. Waiting for Jason’s cock. “Fuck,” Jason says and then runs a finger tenderly over Dick’s lips, which part in anticipation. He looks at Dick’s lap, he is hard now, so Jason is on to something here. And he is hard too, so…they can do this.   
Dick opens his mouth and Jason feeds him his hard length. He braces himself against the tiles as Dick begins to suck. He knows that Dick won’t mind him thrusting, but he’s still not too sure, so he holds back until he can’t anymore. Until he has to thrust into that willing wet heat. Dick makes a noise and it goes straight to Jason’s gut. He can’t hold back his orgasm and he doesn’t think Dick minds him coming in his mouth either. Dick sucks him through it until it becomes too much and Jason tells him to stop, pulling away.

Dick stays where he is. Waiting. Looking at Jason. He’s still hard, his hands are still behind his back. This would probably be the time to haul him up, press him against the tiles and fuck him hard into the wall while water is running down his perfect body, but Jason can’t.

“Touch yourself for me,” Tim says from the shadows.

Dick’s eyes snap in that direction, but he unclasps his hands and lets his fingers curl around his cock. Jason watches him. “You heard Tim, Dick, touch yourself. We want to watch you fuck yourself,” he says.

Dick bites his lip and starts stroking. He’s obviously on the brink, but he’s drawing it out – Jason doesn’t know if it’s for Tim’s pleasure, who likes to watch, or his own. Maybe a mixture of both, which is really the best.

“Can I-?” Dick pants.

“Come?” Jason asks.

Dick nods. “Yes.”

“Can he come, Tim?”

“Not yet. Can you hold it back a bit longer?” Tim asks, stepping forward and into the spray. He’s hard too. Naked and slim. Soft skin and hard muscle. Jason pulls Tim against his chest so they can both watch Dick and curls his fingers around Tim’s erection.

“Yes…” Dick says. It’s more of a hiss really.

Jason’s hand speeds up on Tim’s cock and Dick’s does the same on his own. They come nearly at the same time.

~+~

They curl up in Jason’s bed for a change. Dick’s hair is damp at the base of his neck and he is positively glowing.

“Thanks,” he says quietly.

“We want you to be happy, Dick,” Jason replies.

“And we know you only wanted to be with Jason-”

“In the beginning,” Dick cuts in, reaching back to grab Tim’s hand. It’s only fitting that Dick’s in the middle this time as they’re taking care of his needs. Or trying to. “This is good. This makes sense,” he bites his lip and then continues after a brief hesitation, “You can give me things Jason can’t. And I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.”

“It was hot seeing you on your knees for us,” Tim whispers.

Dick laughs. “Always happy to serve-”

Jason kisses him before he can say more dirty things. He’s tired and wants to sleep. “Shut up, Dick,” he says.

“I’m going to talk to my parents tomorrow,” Dick whispers against his lips.

“You sure?” Tim asks.

“Yes, I’m sure I want to stay in Gotham. It’s time I find my own way.”

“Will they be mad?” Tim asks.

“Probably, because they’ll need to find someone else for the shows, but they’re my parents and they love me, Tim. It will be fine.” 

Tim snuggles closer to Dick and Jason holds his hand over Dick’s hip. They’ll figure this out, he is sure of it.


	26. Thirteen

**~thirteen~**

There are things Barsad doesn’t talk about. Most of them have to do with where he comes from and how he had ended up as Bane’s second in command. He knows that Jason doesn’t judge him for it, but he also knows that Jason is sometimes curious about it. It’s in the way how he asks about Barsad’s mother. Barsad thinks that his mother would have liked Jason. Would have approved of the life he is building here, has built here, even if it’s not the traditional family structure Barsad had grown up with. But then tradition isn’t everything and often a hindrance.

“You look pensive,” John says, nudging him gently in the ribs.

“I’m thinking, yes,” Barsad replies and continues making coffee calmly.

“About what? The kids? The mission?”

“It’s a mission now?” Barsad asks.

John shrugs, Barsad can see it out of the corner of his eye. “Bruce likes to call it that.”

“Bruce,” Barsad says, nodding.

“Well…yeah. You know him. Everything is so super serious with him. I wonder if he had ever had fun being the Batman.”

“I don’t think he would have held on to it so long if it wasn’t also fun,” Barsad replies.

“You’re avoiding my question,” John says.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to talk about it,” Barsad replies and hands John a mug of coffee.

“You make the best coffee. I mean it’s even better than Alfred’s and Alfred’s is really fucking good,” John says, taking a sip and sighing in content. He turns and leans with his ass against the counter. “Gordon wanted to know what had happened once I was able to talk.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That I can’t remember a fucking thing from the second Crane took me.”

Barsad nods. “You lied for me.”

“Not really. It is all a blur. I only know what happened because you guys told me.”

“Does he really want to know what happened to the Joker?” Barsad asks.

“I think he is glad the madman is dead. Like a lot of people in Gotham. The papers are freaking euphoric. But no one said anything about the local vigilantes killing him. I guess some of the reporters have a clue, but they chose not to go with that story.” He takes another sip of his coffee.

“They respect you. They feared Batman, but they like and respect you,” Barsad says.

“They respect us. There isn’t a word of accusation about you either,” John counters.

It is true. The citizens of Gotham may not like Shadow, like they like Nightwing, but they do respect him.

“You haven’t been on patrol since the Joker thing,” John says.

“I know. Dick is out and about with Jason and I think soon Tim will want his own battle suit too.”

“Aww, they grow up so fast,” John says and then, “You are deflecting again.”

“I’m not feeling like being out there right now. Maybe Jason is right, maybe you are too. Maybe I need a vacation.”

“To find your inner balance and peace of mind?” John asks, putting his empty mug down on the counter, right by his hip.

“To be honest, I think I found it here. With Jason and you,” Barsad answers. “But I feel like I need to re-charge my vigilante skills.”

“Ah, I hope it won’t end up being a seven year long quest that ends in Tibet,” John jokes.

“The League is no more, John.”

John looks at him and then puts his hand on Barsad’s chest. “The League is wherever you are. The good parts, Barsad, are living on inside you and now Jason and Dick as well.”

“And you think it’s a good thing that I teach the kids the way of the League?” Barsad asks. He sometimes questions himself, because no one else seems to do so. Not even Bruce. Not anymore.

John shrugs, but doesn’t pull his hand away. “I think you do the best you know how to do for Jason, for Dick, and the city.”

“And that is enough?” Barsad asks.

“Yes, for me it is,” John says and hugs him tightly. Barsad returns the hug the same way.

~+~  
“Jason,” Barsad says and Jason stops in the hall and grins at him. He seems a whole lot happier these days and Barsad is glad and proud of him.

“Didn’t see you at all there, lurking in the shadows,” Jason replies.

“It is a habit-”

“More like a calling,” Jason says easily.

Barsad smiles. It might even be true. Even when he had been Bane’s second in command no one really paid attention to him until Barsad made them.  
“Come to the kitchen?”

“You cooked?” Jason asks.

“Yes.”

“And you want to talk,” Jason concludes.

“Yes,” Barsad says with a small smile. “I want to talk.”

“Lead the way then, B.”

~+~  
“I already talked with John about it, briefly,” Barsad begins after dinner and while Jason helps himself to more hot tea and baklava.

“I figured,” Jason says.

“I think I need a vacation. Not because this took it out of me, but because I think I got rusty here. I don’t feel like-”

“Yourself?” Jason cuts in.

Barsad shakes his head. “That’s not it. I am not the person I used to be when I was Bane’s second in command. I am not the person I used to be before I met you.”

Jason leans back in his chair and looks at him. “You think this city made you soft.”

The thing is, that Barsad really thinks that. He aches to be in the desert again. Without all of these high-tech toys he has here. He needs to see uncharted territory. So to speak.  
“Yes,” he admits. “There are other cities with no vigilantes at all where I can be of help. Gotham has you and John, Dick. Even Tim.”

“Tim isn’t allowed out of the cave, yet,” Jason cuts in.

“But he will be soon. And even out of the cave he can do a lot of good, Jason.” And a lot of damage, Barsad thinks, fondly.

“You don’t want to find a warzone and marsh right in, do you?” Jason asks.

“I don’t know where I want to go, yet, but no, I don’t think I will do that. I want to come back to you.”

Jason nods, taking a sip of his tea. “I will worry, you’ll have to at least call once a week, B.”

“I will. I promise.”

“You have any idea how long that quest of yours will take?” Jason asks.

“No, but I don’t plan on staying away longer than a year.”

“Well, you will be home for Christmas?”

“And your birthday,” Barsad says. It’s more of a promise really.

“What about Shadow?” Jason replies.

“I think it suits Dick for now. Until he finds his own vigilante persona. He is a performer after all.”

“Yes,” Jason says, there is something in his voice that makes Barsad think that Dick also likes to perform in more private affairs.

“You and Dick and Tim, you guys are alright?” He asks.

“Yes, we are working through our…whatever we are now. We are working on it and I think it’s good.” He looks at Barsad then. “Dick wants to invite his parents here, so they can meet me and Tim and our parents.”

“I think that is a good idea. They should know with what kind of remarkable young man his son is.”

“Remarkable, hmm?” Jason asks.

“Yes, Jason. Remarkable.”

“I want to go back to our apartment. Nothing against John and Bruce, but I feel like I should go back there. Home, you know?”

Barsad thinks about it for a few moments. Jason is a responsible young man. He is careful and he is trained and Barsad trusts him with his life. “Yes, I think you should go back home. I think we should stay there until I decide-”

“Which warzone to tackle first?” Jason grins.

Barsad smiles. “You can say it that way.”

~+~  
“I hear you want to re-discover your inner strength,” Bruce says one evening, two days later. It’s a quite night and Barsad had come back home earlier to sit on the balcony for what well might be the last time for about a year.

“I didn’t hear you sneak up on me.”

“That is a great compliment. I admit. I was trying,” Bruce says and sits down in the empty chair on the other site of the table.

“I imagine the Pit did the same for you,” Barsad says.

Bruce looks at him. “I didn’t think you would want to talk about it. I admit, I don’t want to talk about it, or wish what I went through in the Pit on anyone.”

Barsad nods. “Only fair. But yes, I am going to re-discover my inner strength.”

“I think,” Bruce says, “You did that. Here in Gotham. With Jason and John. With Tim and Dick. Even me.”

“This city took it out of me,” Barsad replies. “I’ve been in war-zones where the people were less twisted, Bruce.”

“There are good people here-”

“Yes, I know. But what does it say about a city. AnyCity? That it needs a vigilante?”

Bruce sighs. “It’s not perfect.”

“And it will never be. But Gotham is one of the worst places I’ve ever been to. And I need to see something else. Be somewhere else so I can come back here and fight the good fight without constantly having to battle the urge to just kill them all, Bruce.”  
He leans his head against the back of the chair and looks up at the patches of dark sky visible through the branches. It is peaceful here, but here where they live, this is not the real Gotham.

“I understand and I will take care of your son.”

Barsad turns his head to look at Bruce. “It’s okay, my son can look out for himself.”

Bruce nods. They stay in silence there until John comes to fetch them.

~+~  
“I want to come with you,” Tim says, putting a mug of tea and a poppy-roll on the table. Barsad looks up from the book he is reading.

“Come with me where?”

“You are going to train and re-discover your inner strength. That’s what Bruce and Jason said.”

“Yes, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to take a boy your age into a war-zone,” Barsad replies.

“Jason said you wouldn’t go to war,” Tim says, giving him a sharp look.

“I might end up there regardless.”

“If you take me, I can make sure you won’t get into too much trouble,” Tim says.

Barsad smiles. “Don’t you have school?”

“Summer vacation then?” Tim asks hopefully.

“I will let you know. And we will need to hash something out with your parents.”

Tim nods. “Thank you.”

“Only summer vacation,” Barsad says.

“I know. Still. Thank you.”

“Tim.”

“Yes?”

“Are you happy?” Barsad wants to know.

“John asked me that too. I know you guys worry, because I’m like the pet of the family or whatever, but I am doing okay. I mean me and Jason and Dick we have sex and it’s great. I mean I like it, even if we don’t have – I mean, is this too much information?” Tim asks suddenly. He is rarely nervous, but he looks a bit nervous now.

“Because he is my son and I don’t want to know what he gets up to in the bedroom?”

“Yes?”

“I am here when you boys need to talk, Tim. No matter what the subject is,” Barsad assures him.

“Okay. Thank you. I’ll still just keep my mouth shut for now. Because maybe you don’t want to know how exactly your son likes to get off with his two boyfriends.”

“That is very wise of you, Tim.”

“Okay…” Tim bites into his roll and takes a sip of his tea. “You will talk to my parents about the summer-trip?”

“It sounds like fun when you say it like that,” Barsad comments.

“I think,” Tim replies, “I will have fun.”

Barsad smiles.


	27. Extra: Halloween -The Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John has a nice chat with Bruce’s parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For **denelian**. The prompt was: Think Martha and Thomas might want to check on the guy that their son actually *committed* to?  
>  Beta by Icalynn. <3

**Extra: The Visitors**

 

_“Why couldn’t he just find a nice girl and have a normal life?!” Thomas asks._

_“I guess it might have to do with the fact that he watched us die, dear,” Martha answers, giving her husband a look. “Besides this boy obviously cares for him.”_

_“He’s a boy…I mean,” he shuts up after Martha glares at him._

_“It shouldn’t matter that our son likes men as well,” she says._

_“It’s not really surprising, to be honest. Look at him. He was running around dressed like a giant bat,” Thomas sighs. “I always wanted better for him. And this boy, man. This John, he has captured our son’s heart. Bruce is painting a target on his back again for that boy.”_

_“You don’t like him,” she states. She knows her husband and even if he is a good man, he is also just a man. And he had wanted for Bruce to marry Rachel and have at least two cute kids running around in the garden of the manor. Instead the manor is an orphanage and Bruce is having sex with a young man who is now running around in Kevlar and beating up criminals._

_“Bruce is living in some kind of Hippy commune, Martha!” Thomas says. “Look at that. The orphans I don’t mind, but that Barsad guy? The right-hand man of the man who wanted to kill Bruce? Him, I don’t like much. The boys that are living with them? Having unprotected sex under their roof?” He shakes his head. “Someone should have a serious word with all of them.”_

_“We have to pick one, Thomas,” Martha replies._

_“I know. I think we should have a word with that boy our son wants his version of happily ever after with.”_

_She nods._

~+~  
The kitchen is chilly as hell as he enters it and it’s dark. He tries the light switch, but it stays dark. John can’t be bothered to change the bulb now. He knows this kitchen like the back of his hand. 

He has no idea why he is even up, but he knows a nice cup of tea will coax him back to sleep.  
John rubs his arms as he crosses over to the kettle. The tiles in the kitchen are icy and make his toes freeze up instantly. He really hopes that cup of tea will help warm him up too.

“Fuck,” he hisses under his breath. But the house is a bit creepy at night, especially when you’re alone. He’s never told Bruce that and he never will, but it’s still the truth. No wonder the kids at the orphanage are telling all kinds of stories about the ‘forbidden wing’.

“Language,” someone says behind him and for one second he thinks it’s Bruce, because the voice is so similar, but Bruce is stuck in Metropolis for the night. And since Barsad has the kids, John is stuck alone in the manor. He turns around, but can’t make out anyone. Great, he thinks. He is losing it. Or maybe he got dosed with something after all when he had been on patrol. He turns back to the kettle.

“He’s ignoring us, Martha,” the voice says.

“Okay, not funny,” John says, turning in the direction he thinks the voices are coming from. He falls back on his training and is ready to defend himself in seconds, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the kitchen.

“You’re scaring him,” a woman says.

“If he’s scared so easily maybe he shouldn’t-”

“Okay. One I am not scared, two what the hell?” John asks, taking a step back as two shapes materialize in his kitchen.

“Language,” the bigger one says. It’s the man.

“John,” the woman says gently. “Can I call you John?”

“I- yes, I guess?” John replies. He is losing it. No freaking doubt about that. He should call someone… The shapes get clearer and they’re vaguely familiar. “I am losing it,” he says, because he realizes he’s talking to Bruce’s dead parents.

“No, John, you’re not. We just wanted to have a little talk, as our son is-”

“In love with you,” Thomas Wayne finishes for his wife. He doesn’t sound like he is happy about that.

John wonders what kind of drug would screw him up like this? Maybe there is someone on the streets who has studied Doctor Crane’s work and has created something worse.

“I can see your brain working, son,” Thomas Wayne cuts into John’s thoughts. “You think you’re drugged.”

“Well…”

“And I can’t blame you, honey,” Misses Wayne says, floating over, freaking floating, because there are no legs under that dress and reaching out to touch his cheek. John shudders at the cold and she didn’t even make contact.

“Maybe I’m just overworked or dreaming,” John says.

“Maybe you are actually talking to your dead father in law,” Thomas Wayne says. 

“Bruce and I aren’t married,” John replies, which is such a stupid thing to say.

“He wants to. He’s committed to you. Even when he was fighting it, he is in love with you, John,” Misses Wayne says.

“I know that.”

“And he wants to be your husband,” Thomas Wayne says. The way he says it implies that John would be the wife, John isn’t sure he is bothered by it.

“How do you know that? And why are you here?” John asks.

“We see everything,” Misses Wayne answers.

John can feel his cheeks color.

“Oh no. Not that!” Thomas Wayne says. He sounds a bit scandalized. 

“Oh, okay…that was awkward for a second there,” John smiles.

Misses Wayne smiles back. “Listen John, about those boys you guys are raising…”

Well, John thinks, why the hell not? He can stand here in his underwear and have a nice chat about how to raise boys in this house with Bruce’s dead mother. She seems like an alright woman.

~+~  
 _”Are you happy now?” Martha asks. She is still looking at John’s sleeping face._

_“I am dead, dear. How happy can the dead be?” He replies._

_She sighs. “The boy is good for Bruce. Bruce cares and he’s building a family and maybe, if we’re lucky, they will adopt and we will have the cute little children running around the house after all.” She takes his hand. “Do you think he will remember any of this?”_

_“Maybe,” he says. “The real question is will he believe it?”_

_“Their lives are crazy enough without any ghosts in them,” Martha replies. “But I am glad we could talk to him. I wish we could-”_

_“Yes, I know, dear,” Thomas says. “I wish that too, but there is no way we can talk to Bruce and you know that. It’s better this way.”_

_She nods. She knows that, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to be only able to watch her son. At least, she thinks, he is happy now. And that is really all that a mother can hope for._


	28. Interlude XI: Dick

**Interlude XI: Dick**

Dick had talked with his parents on the phone as often as he could, and he had told them about his unusual relationship.  
They are circus people, so he had been sure they wouldn’t judge – too much.  
Dick is still nervous.

“Bruce is going to charm the hell out of them on the way from the airport,” Tim says.

Dick gives him a grateful smile. He has seen what Bruce can do with a smile and a look. But Dick’s parents are performers. They will see if it’s genuine or not. It is, Dick is sure.

Jason grabs his hand and squeezes tightly. “It will be fine. We will be charming and B is cooking his all-time favorites and Alfred has made fancy deserts. We want to impress just a tiny little bit after all,” he leans in and kisses Dick quick and dirty. It leaves Dick horny and unsettled. Great. Tim smirks at him like he knows.  
He excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Splashes a bit of water on his face. This is ridiculous. He has brought people home before. Summer-flings. Nothing as serious as this thing with Jason and Tim is now.

He looks at his face in the mirror. “Get a grip Grayson. They’re only your parents.” He takes another breath.  
He can totally do this.

~+~  
Dick is ambushed by Tim on his way to the kitchen. He is spun around and pressed into the wall and kissed breathless. Tim rubs against him in all the good ways, while he keeps a hard grip on Dick’s hands. It centers him and makes him horny as hell.

Tim pulls away as suddenly as he had ambushed Dick. “Feeling better?”

Dick grabs for him and pulls him in again. Kisses him hard and demanding until Tim moans, these tiny little hot sounds, into his mouth. “Feeling horny,” Dick says harshly.  
Someone makes a noise and Dick closes his eyes. He knows that noise. It’s his dad trying to be…Dick has no idea.

“I think your parents just arrived,” Tim says.

“No shit,” Dick replies.

“Language,” Bruce says.

Tim steps away and turns to Dick’s parents. “Mister and Misses Grayson,” he says. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he holds out his hand and kisses his mom’s hand and she seems charmed. How in the hell can Tim go from ravishing him to this in a matter of seconds? It’s insane.

“Maybe we should go to the living room,” Bruce says with a barely there smile in his voice. He’s suppressing it, Dick just knows it. “I am sure Barsad will have dinner ready in twenty minutes at the latest.”

His dad nods and Dick follows them.  
Worst fucking first impression, Dick thinks, but then Tim grabs his hand and Dick forgets to care.

~+~  
Everyone is really nice and Barsad even makes his mom laugh a few times out loud and giggle on other occasions. Dick begins to suspect, Barsad really has game with women.  
His dad and John are talking a lot too and Dick begins to relax as everyone is humming over the delicious French desserts Alfred has made and coffee or tea.  
His parents have to see what Dick is seeing: these people are family and they care about each other. They have taken Dick in and they care about him too. Like he is one of their own. Which, he suspects, he is.

After dinner his dad and Dick go to the balcony while the rest helps clear the dishes.

“You look happy,” his dad says with a look at Dick’s profile.

“I am.”

“I was worried about you. This city is a hard one. And you living with strangers in a big old mansion-”

“It only looks old. It had been rebuild only ten years or so ago,” Dick cuts in.

“With rich people,” his dad continues smoothly. “It’s so different from the life you have lived until now.”

“I know. And I always thought that I would find a nice girl and have children with her and there would be another generation of Flying Graysons, but I don’t see it anymore,” Dick says.

“You are really in love with these boys?”

Dick nods. “It was only Jason in the beginning, but they are kinda a package deal now and I don’t mind. There are things Jason can’t give me and Tim can and…I do love Tim too,” Dick answers and means it. He had been a bit obsessed with Jason in the beginning and had only seen Tim as a kid, but that had changed. Tim isn’t a kid and Dick respects him. As a partner and a lover.

“We are happy for you son, but you are still so very young Dick. If this should turn out to not be the forever after that I know you secretly want, you can come home anytime,” his father says, gently.

“Thanks dad,” Dick replies and hugs him.

~+~  
“So, you think your parents like us?” Jason asks later when they’re just lying on the bed and doing nothing. Except for Tim who is typing away on his laptop like a crazy person.

“They do.”

“Your mom sure as hell likes, B,” Jason grins.

“I think Barsad really has game with women,” Dick replies and doesn’t think about it too deeply. It’s a bit disturbing.

“I think Mr. Barsad could charm anyone, if he wanted to. He is just that good,” Tim cuts in.

Dick thinks he might be right about that. “You’re staying then in Gotham for good?” Jason asks.

“I plan to, as long as I am needed and wanted here,” Dick replies grabbing Jason’s ankle and stroking it gently.

“For what could we possibly need you?” Jason teases.

Dick smiles at him and lets his hand wander a bit up and then yanks, so Jason lies flat on his back. He kisses Jason’s ankle and then strokes up the inside of his thigh. “I don’t know,” he hums as close to Jason’s cock as he can without crawling all over him. “Let me think about it for a while.”

Jason’s hands pat at him, his head, his shoulders, whatever he can reach in this position. It’s not urgent or even sexual. So Dick puts his head on Jason’s leg and closes his eyes. Let’s Jason stroke his hair until a dip in the mattress announces that Tim has joined them on the bed. Dick opens his eyes and smiles at him. 

Tim smiles back. “Looks cozy,” he says softly.

“Come cuddle then,” Dick replies and shifts a bit so Tim can fit right in. It’s really easy, Dick thinks. They just fit so seamlessly now. Even if everything is still new and a bit tentative. Exciting. Good. Like it should be, Dick thinks. He closes his eyes again and lets Jason pet his hair.


	29. Extra: Kind of an epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there,  
> readers of my little (lalalala…) verse. This series/story is coming to an end. However I am writing/drafting on that Barsad and Tim are fighting crime overseas story. If you should be interested keep an eye out for that.  
> It has been a pleasure. Thank you for all the lovely comments! <3

**Extra: Kind of an epilogue**

John sometimes wonders why it always seems so easy to talk to Barsad. Even when they had been on – well, not really – opposite sides. And John hadn't even known back then who the hell the guy dressed all in black was.

He puts a mug on the desk and Barsad nods his thanks without looking up from the papers he’s studying.  
“Planning?” John asks. He isn't really nervous about this, but he knows that Bruce is. Bruce has all kinds of objections in fact. He hasn't said it in so many words of course.

John – John trusts Barsad to do the right thing.

And it’s a fact that Tim is no normal teenager.

“Objections?” Barsad asks, putting the paper aside he had been reading. John doesn't even know what language it's in, but Barsad doesn't seem to have any difficulties reading it.

John's never asked about Barsad's parents, or his place of birth or really how the hell he wound up with Bane of all people and the League of Shadows. It doesn't mean that John isn't curious. A part of him had hoped that Barsad would eventually tell him. But maybe Barsad had been waiting for John to ask.

John shakes his head slightly. “No, not really.”

“Not really doesn't mean no, John,” Barsad replies. He cradles the mug between his fingers, not really staring into the hot tea.

“Just an expression where I come from,” John says lightly.

Barsad catches on, of course. “Ah,” he takes a sip of the tea and puts the mug on the desk. “Is this the day you ask me a lot of personal questions?”

John grabs one of the empty chairs and sits down. “Is this the day you will answer them all?”

Barsad thinks about it and John lets him. “You can ask all the questions you want, but I may not answer all of them.”

John nods. It's only fair. Most people he calls his family now know that he had grown up in an orphanage, but John has never really told any of them how it had been before he had gone to St. Swithin’s. After his mom had died and his dad had changed… Sometimes, he thinks Bruce knows. But Bruce can’t really relate to that part of John’s past. After all Bruce has always had Alfred.

“How did you end up with the League of Shadows?” John asks.

Barsad smiles. “I see you are staring with the easy questions.”

John smiles back. “Maybe, I can conclude a bit once you answered those?”

“Maybe,” Barsad replies. “I wasn't much older than Tim at the time,” he says. “I didn't know what to do with my life and somehow I stumbled upon-” he pauses, “The man who would later be the face of Ra's Al Ghul. They were just relocating. I think he took a liking to me.”

“The rest as they say is history?”

Barsad smiles again. “Yes.”

“But Bruce can't remember you.”

“I was just a kid back then and he had only trained with Ra's. Ra's was obsessed with him. I think he saw him as something of a son-”

“A lost child. Like Talia,” John cuts in.

Barsad nods. “Probably. Ra's had lost Talia and he had always wanted to find another heir. Worthy of his empire.”

“He lost Bruce too,” John says leaning his head against the back of the chair and staring up at the ceiling. “I feel kinda sorry for him,” he admits.

“Ra's had been a great man.”

“A terrible man.”

“He had visions. He had tried to do the right thing with Gotham. But I admit, that I think he also wanted revenge because Bruce had left him, threw all that Ra's had offered him in his face. Like Talia had.”

John looks at him. “The man who had been the face of Ra's Al Ghul, he died in the fire, didn't he?”

“Yes,” Barsad says.

“Didn't you hate Bruce?” 

“In the beginning? Maybe, but then I was too preoccupied with burying our dead, regrouping, rebuilding. I didn't have time for revenge. I never had the need for revenge, John.”

John mulls that over. He believes Barsad. He’s just that kind of person. Cool and logical. That’s probably why Tim likes him so much.

“Not until you met Jason,” John says.

Barsad nods. “Yes, not until I met Jason, but I think that is different. Love has nothing to do with logic, after all. You should know that John.”

“Well, yeah...”

“You've been in love with Bruce for as long as you can remember,” Barsad states.

“That is pretty much Cave knowledge,” John says, but he does feel his cheeks color slightly. It's stupid. He and Bruce had been caught by Barsad just last week making out like teenagers against a wall in the forbidden wing. John remembers Bruce laughing into his skin once Barsad had left.

“No, not like this,” Barsad replies. “You loved him even before you knew what all this kind of love entails. And it must have been pretty much a hopeless love you were living with.”

“It's not like I was pinning away,” John laughs.

“You weren't involved with anyone, John.”

“Hey, I had flings.”

“You never gave up on him,” Barsad says.

“Well, love isn't logical,” John shrugs.

“No,” Barsad says, “It isn't.”

“Mister Barsad!” Tim says, storming into the small study.

John smiles. “We'll continue that another time,” he says and gets up. He squeezes Tim's shoulder on the way out.

Tim nods and then grabs the chair John had been sitting in.

All in all, John thinks, they have managed okay. Maybe even better than okay.

~+~

“I got you something,” Jason says entering the bedroom without knocking and handing him a small package. It's wrapped rather pretty and precisely.  
Barsad raises on eyebrow in question. “I have skills,” Jason says. “And Tim helped with the wrapping. Stop interrogating me!” He adds with mock exasperation.

“You got me a gift?”

“Seems like it? I saw it and thought of you. Isn't that how it works?” Jason replies.

“Yes, it's how it works,” Barsad says and then looks sharply at Jason. “Is this a tracking device?”

“Give me some credit,” Jason says grinning.

Barsad thinks by the weight of it, it could be a set of guns. He opens it and it is a set of guns. “Jason-”

“Other cities, other rules. And besides, I would rather see other people wounded than you or Tim,” Jason cuts in. “And I've seen the maps you've been studding. People there aren't fighting fair.”

“How did you get those?” Barsad asks.

“I have means and ways. And again: Tim helped. Bruce probably knows about it, but I didn't tell him. Would be better if you wouldn't tell him either.”

“Of course,” Barsad says and wonders how he will get through airport security with these. He had been thinking about getting his weapons once he was out of the county, but there was no way he would leave this gift here.

“You can take Bruce's private yet,” Jason says, flopping down on the bed. “Do something touristy with Tim once you're there, okay?”

“Sure,” Barsad replies easily. This will be after all an education. He won't let Tim be all teenage vigilante. No matter what Tim will have to say about it. This is Barsad's show, so to speak.

“You will look out for him,” Jason says.

“Yes, of course,” Barsad says and puts the guns down on the nightstand. “Nothing will happen to him. He will be back soon.”

“I know,” Jason says, turning on his back and staring at the ceiling. “It will still be weird. I mean being here. Back home without you and then with Tim gone....”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Barsad asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“What? My epic angstying about what will happen to us once Tim is gone? I've never been with Dick alone. I mean...with Tim there it all makes sense. What if-” he bites his lip and closes his eyes. “It’s kinda messed up. I feel like I would betray him.”

“You didn't speak about this with Tim? Or Dick?”

“I'm messed up enough, you know? I told Dick about...about my mom and her boyfriend and why I'm how I am,” Jason says quietly.

“And Dick is still here, Jason. You don't have to worry. Those boys are heads over heels in love with you.”

“But Tim is leaving. With you.” Jason says.

Oh, Barsad thinks. “You can always come with us.”

“That is not what I want. I've been thinking about it. I need to get familiar with this city again. I need to take it back. I need to make it mine,” Jason replies. “And I think it will be good to do that alone. Without you old mother-hen around.”

“I see,” Barsad says, smiling.

“Sometimes,” Jason says, “Tim scares the hell out of me. And now you’re taking him into a city that is probably worse than Gotham and let him lose on that city.”

“Are you afraid that Tim will be different once he comes back?”

“Yeah.” Jason says. “But also that Dick and I will be.” He sits up and slings his arms around his knees. “He is young. He could fall in love with someone else.”

“Not while he's fighting crime to become even more scarily efficient, Jason.”

“I know it's stupid. But I am kinda waiting for them to leave me-”

“I didn't leave you,” Barsad says.

“You felt sorry for me,” Jason says.

“Yes, in the beginning, I guess I did, but I also saw your potential and the person you could be given half a chance.”

“Do you ever wonder what would've happen to me if you hadn't taken a chance?”

“No,” Barsad answers and it isn't even a lie. He doesn't wonder about it anymore. This is their life. This is his son.

“I do,” Jason admits. “It never ends well.” He turns his head to look Barsad in the eyes. “I'm lucky you found me.”

“I'm lucky you found me,” Barsad replies. Maybe Barsad hadn't saved Jason's life, maybe it had been the other way around. He had only found real purpose when he had started to care about Jason.

“Seems so,” Jason replies with a grin, “I’m just awesome like that.”

“Yes, you are,” Barsad says and hugs him. Jason leans into the hug.

All in all, Barsad thinks, life had turned out okay. Maybe even better than okay.


End file.
